In search for Mistresses of the Month (and other Kept individuals) to feature here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot, I've come to the notion that the most successful mistresses may be the one's you never know about.
Why?
To start, many relationships that are Alternative are kept secret through discretion simply because those involved know that they don't want or need condemnation as they are outside the "normal." Pressure is (still) strong not only to be married but stay married (more so in certain cultures.) People feel this not only because of family values but because of their careers. For some not being heterosexually married is (still) a career issue.
I recall sitting with some women friends at a café one Saturday morning years ago and the discussion was "Is it better to be never married or divorced?" I thought it was better to be never married. My friends felt that it was better to be divorced. Divorced meant to them that you were looked upon as a normal person who wanted marriage and so, you failed. Better to have tried this traditional coupling and be known for it. Better to have lost at love than be perceived as having never loved.
Since then I've met people who have been married many times. Someone I worked with married five times and had children with each partner. (He tended to be the type who let women choose him and be the ones who pursued him as well. He was OK with step fathers taking over the fathering. Maybe he saw himself as a sperm donor for career women?)
The other day a man was telling me that he had "lived with" several women. In five minutes he explained a love life that went on for many years, seven live-in partners, no children. When I said "Wow you're a cat with 12 lives! Married seven times!" he made a point of correcting me. Those live in situations were not marriages. It was as if he was saving himself for marriage. I did think there must be something wrong there.
Here's what I was thinking. How seven women may have thought that if they lived with him they would become married to him. How, if that was what they wanted in life - marriage - they wasted their time on him. How many mistresses who have been with one man outside of marriage for years have more stability, more love, a better life than their peers who are living with men who will not marry.
I think mistresses should live apart from their men, have a life outside their extramarital relationship. Any man who keeps a woman aside of his marriage should understand that and help her make that happen. (If you're a mistress reading this, please do not live in isolation and waiting.)
This month I was thinking about Lady Walker (Jewell DiAnne/Dianne Walker) and how little I was able to find out about her.
Obviously there were many people in Houston society (high society) who knew about her and J. Howard Marshall II, and that was probably true of his family, possibly his wife, his friends. But to this moment, it is not too easy to learn more about her. If her daughter had not written a book, all we might find out is the public information about a lawsuit. Though this relationship was happening for the most part before the Internet, if she, he, and that society were not more discreet, she probably would have "made the papers" in those years.
Consider that some of the other women profiled here who lived years earlier than Lady did "make the papers" accused of immorality, gold-digging, or held at arm's length by society. Newspapers intended to shame them or make them infamous. Some of these women wanted to be famous because they were self supporting in careers in entertainment.
How many Mistresses have continued their relationships without becoming known or do now?
I don't think we'll ever have reliable statistics about that.
Missy
C Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot 2022
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