THE MARRIAGE COLLAPSES AND ALICE RETURNS TO IDINA SACKVILLE and JOSSLYN HAY IN KENYA

 After the long wait and all the campaigning, in 1931 Alice de Janze finally got Raymond de Trafford to marry her. She may have been addicted to him but he was addicted to gambling.  Rather than go to Kenya, they settled in Monte Carlo at the Hotel de Paris where he continued to loose her money.  Then they went to Cannes where they stayed at the Carlton, and blame the house, he won back half the money.  They were fighting all the time.  Having won him, now Alice saw her error and wanted a separation.  Had she really thought that marriage would change him?  Or - my question - was it that she had no other prospects? Let's face it that she had a reputation for instability because she had committed a crime of passion that made her infamous, even if no one had ever known that she had been suicidal as a teen. She was a rich and pretty woman and not very old and if she had not shot him perhaps suitors would be lined up for her.

She and Rayond did separate.  He went far away to Australia while she used her British passport (and marital status) to return to Kenya alone.

Alice went on safari with the Vanderbilts in 1933 and soon appealed to the governor of Kenya to stay there. No doubt her elite status and wealth were a consideration, just as it had been when the Pope had granted her an annulment, though she was the mother of two children. Adina and Joss had sold their house, Slains, as part of their divorce, and now Adina had a new house, called Clouds, that she had with a new husband. While Alice awaited her house, which had been rented out for the five years she had been outside the country, to be vacated by renters, she rejoined the Happy Valley set.  Idina was married to the American Donald Haldeman, her fourth husband, who expected her to be faithful to him while he was away on safari's, leading hunters into the wilderness to shoot wildlife was a business for him as well as an adventure.  Of course, there was no way that Idina was going to be sexually faithful. (Would we consider her to be a sex addict today?) Eventually Haldeman returned from a safari to catch one of Idina's lovers making an escape and went ballistic. That marriage would also fail.

Joss had married his conquest, Molly, and they had the grand estate she received as part of her divorce settlement, just as he wanted all along. That did not stop him from once again picking back up with Alice. Mary was not in great shape.  She was drinking and using heroin and not up to tolerating her new husband Joss's affairs. 

The British and American pioneers to Kenya had aged and matured and the sun was starting to set on the Happy Valley Set.

Alice's ex-husband Frederick died in 1933, only 37 years old, of meningitis and sepsis, while working on a journalism assignment. As ex-husbands go, he had been good. She had no relationship with her two daughters, who were raised by relatives. Just as Idina had no relationship with her two sons who were also being raised by relatives. In 1939 when War was declared in Europe (World War II) the children were taken to the United States for their safety and in with Aunt Tatty. Alice had lived her life as an ex-patriot.

Who or what was left for Alice? 

Her mood disorder, cyclothymia, worsened as she got older and now in her 40's she was sleeping in till noon.

Adina's health was starting to fail as well.

Jossyln Hay, Lord Erroll had made some enemies.

Perhaps not everyone who had encountered the Happy Valley Set accepted the affairs that went on.

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BUT ALICE DE JANZE IS NOT THROUGH WITH BAD BOY RAYMOND DE TRAFFORD - NO SHE'S NOT

The story of Alice de Janze, born Alice Silverhorne, certainly has its dramatic twists and turns. After shooting Raymond de Trafford, a man who had left a string of broken hearts before they met and who took the blame for her shooting him, Alice was even forgiven by the President of France. 

She was not free to return to Kenya to stay if she was single or divorced. Perhaps it was basically an acknowledgement on the part of the government of Kenya that no woman should be alone and unprotected, especially not in a time and place where farms and houses were far apart and where going on safaris to kill wild animals was the rage. On page 110 of the book The Temptress by Paul Spicer, it says that when a woman came to Africa already engaged, the first thing she did upon arrival was go straight to Mombasa Cathedral to be married.  As a result of this policy of the Kenyan government about women, I began to think that Idina Sackville and other women in the Happy Valley Set had a motivation for marriage and remarriage beyond personal desires for a man. 

While again visiting Idina Sackville, Alice picked up where she had left it with Joss Hay, who was on his way out of his marriage to Idina and on his way to marrying the richer Molly. "A pattern of frequent separations and intermittent sexual reunions" occurred between Alice and Jossyln Hay, who finally was now Lord Erroll. 

My comment is that such patterns are more addictive. Have you ever been there?

However, Alice had not given up on being united with Raymond de Trafford. It's suggested that he was a whole lot like her own father, a womanizer, a gambler, and not to be relied upon, unfit to be any woman's husband.  Alice had shown interest in Bad Boys as a young woman back in Chicago when she hung out in clubs and met mobsters.

But she wanted him.

In 1927, a few months after the shooting, the divorce from Frederick de Janze came through and Alice was free to remarry. In 1928 an annulment came through as well signed off on by Pope Pius XI. Living in London, though Raymond had told her that he could not marry her because he did not want to be a Kept man, Raymond allowed Alice to cover his gambling debts.

As the years went by, Alice's old friends were moving into new marriages. Her ex-husband Frederick de Janze married in 1930 to an American widow living in Paris. Idina Sackville that same year married her fourth husband, Donald Haldeman, an American who lived in Kenya. Jossyn Hay, Lord Erroll married Mary 'Molly' Ramsey.

Alice was still campaigning to marry Raymond de Trafford.  in 1931 he agreed!  Did he love her or her money?  It had been six years since the two met!  They had a simple, civil ceremony, bypassing religion. Now a British subject, Alice was free to return to Kenya.

This story cannot have a happy ending.

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ALICE DE JANZE - THE AMERICAN HEIRESS WHO LOVED AFRICA MORE THAN ANY MAN OR HER CHILDREN

As part of our inquiry to the Happy Valley Set of Kenya, Africa, a group of people who had Open Relationships, who had affairs, and who often divorced and remarried in the 1920's through 1940's, this month we look at the life of an American heiress and ex-pat named Alice De Janze. Born Alice Silverhorne, also a debutant, Alice and her first husband went to Africa and stayed with Lady Idina Sackville at a time when Sackville was called The Life of the Party.  A few years later, when Idina was pregnant while still married to her then-husband Josslyn Hay, she was concerned that he might not stay with her.  So she invited her best friend Alice De Janze and her husband to come and keep Jossyln entertained, choosing who he might have an affair with, in an attempt to control him. Alice did have an affair with Joss.  She probably had a place in her heart for him for many years. Alice, an American heiress, is thought to have been mentally ill, most likely with some form of mood disorder. She had been suicidal at times since her youth. Her life was wracked with violence - including her own. When he was murdered, she was a suspect.

ALICE SILVERHORNE

The author's mother was friend of Alices and in writing this book 

he wanted to set the story straight.

1899 - 1941

Overall, in my reading, the lives of these British aristocrats and other wealthy and important people who chose lives in Kenya over America or Europe, do not seem essentially happy. Some of them worked, even worked hard physically, many did not have to work at all, and it seems they did some hard partying.  The reason the Wanjohi Valley was called Happy was that the high altitudes were said to enhance the effects of alcohol. They almost all drank and some also used morphine or heroin and possibly other drugs. (The only thing missing was the Rock and Roll!) Alice was not a Kept Woman, rather her independent means meant that men were interested in her money. Did she mind?

I'll focus a bit on the scandal in her life a little later in this blog. Right now let's learn

about Alice's childhood and her wealth.  She was born in Buffalo, New York, then the nations 8th largest city, which had its own millionaire's row! Her mother was a society beauty from Chicago and her father was a self-made man, very successful in business and it would seem, rarely home. Her mother's family may have been one of the riches in America at the time. Alice was, like many aristocratic children, home schooled - tutored. She was destined to be a debutant and to have a life of opportunity and advantage. 

But as we know since we've featured a number of debutants here at Mistress Manifesto, the reason for a presentation to society is marriage, early marriage, and the propagation of family through having children as a duty. The Chicago debutant scene bored Alice. She went to jazz clubs. She associated with mobsters and might have had an affair with one. Her mother's family prevailed in moving her towards marriage.

Alice's mother had died at the young age of 35, when Alice was a young girl. Her father rapidly married a cousin of her mothers, who he might have been having an affair with before his wife died. Her father had spent lavishly on her and spoiled her but there was something amiss with their relationship. In 1913 her mother's side of the family had taken action to take her away from her father and his new wife.  Alice reportedly never saw him again. Reading between the lines it might have been that he was inappropriate with her. Her childless Aunt Tattie became her new legal guardian when she was 13 years old. Alice was sent to Mt. Vernon Seminary, a private not religious school in Washington D.C. Alice was devastated at this change in her life. At 16 she was miserable enough to have first tried to take her life. 

Alice came into her inheritance at 18 and her Aunt set her up in an apartment in Paris. It was the jazz age there too but Aunt Tattie was satisfied that she had gotten Alice away from bad influences in America. Alice got a job at a small fashion house. A job was unexpected for a young woman of her wealth an status. She worked long hours but still went out into the Parisian night to clubs where she met celebrities and artists - but no more Chicago mobsters.

Alice did marry. She was 21 and her groom, Count Frederic de Janze was 25.  He came from a family of the French nobility but his mother was an American of Early American lineage. He was Cambridge educated and had already served in World War I so no worry that she might become one of the many thousands of women who lost their young husband to the war. His mother liked her. He had called off an engagement with another American girl and quite possibly his family saw in Alice a way to replenish their wealth. Their engagement made it into the Chicago Daily Tribune. Before she married him, Alice converted to Catholicism, so the relationship was meant to be enduring since in Catholicism there is no divorce. Alice had doubts before the marriage but she went through with it and (echoes of the wedding of Jackie Bouvier to Jack Kennedy) her father was not invited and did not walk her down the isle. Perhaps Alice expected her marriage would provide an escape from her family.

Alice became pregnant on her honeymoon. The couple traveled and then bought an apartment in Paris but she could not get used to the formality of the French nobility. Her first child was born in June of 1922, a daughter.  Alice was perhaps too young to be a mother. overly protected and controlled, unable to experience being independent first.  She continued to socialize in Paris, to go out on the town. Then, the couple went to live at his family stead in Normandy, where his brother and her sister-in-law were also living. Her sister-in-law, from an elite British family, was superior to Alice in education and beauty and dominated the situation there.  Alice had thick curly hair and there was a suspicion that lingered that she had African blood. People started calling her "La Negrese."  Her sister-in-law used that. Alice had a second daughter in June 1924.  She felt depressed, not  much into motherhood. She felt trapped.

Fredrick de Janze and Alice Silverhorne de Janze might not have had a great romance but they became 'excellent friends.'  The man did care about her, the mother of his children. He thought a trip to Africa might be just the thing to improve her spitits, so, in 1925, the could did just that. They went to Kenya (then British East Africa) where they had an invitation from Lady Idina Sackville and her then husband, Josslyn Hay.  It was a month-long journey and no doubt the couple felt far away from all the things in life that controlled them.

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WHAT AUTHOR FRANCES OSBORNE HAS TO SAY ABOUT HER SUBJECT, HER GREAT-GRANDMOTHER IDINA SACKVILLE!

Sorry the video is down but....

I found this article also:

NEW YORK TIMES : Liesl Schillinger -writer : CELEBRATING SCANDAL : ADINA SACKVILLE

Though the posts this month have focused on Lady Idina Sackville's sexuality, which she expressed without regards to the vows of traditional marriage, and her participation in the Happy Valley Set in the Highlands of Kenya in the 1920's - 1940's, perhaps the fact that she was THE LIFE OF THE PARTY has been neglected. This article has as a picture a copy of one of the articles that made the papers, in which her scandalous life was followed, "Love Failures of the Countess." as well as photos of her sons and some of the Happy Valley Set. It also brings us more information about the author who I hope I've honored for her terrifically interesting book, The Bolter, which has been the prime reference for this month's posts.

Missy

THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO SAY IT : LADY IDINA SACKVILLE'S LAST YEARS WERE TRAGIC

She had been Mrs. Euan Wallace... and Mrs. Josslyn Hay (He'd since become the 22nd Earl of Erroll) ... She had married and married and married.

Idina Sackville had given birth to three children, two sons, and a daughter. True, people of her class were used to sending their children away to boarding school and having relationships with the children then was dependent on letter writing, if that. Idina had been kept from being involved in the raising of her sons though. She'd made an effort to get to know them as they neared adulthood that went not so well. World events affected her personal life as it did so many others.

World War I had affected her life when her first husband Euan Wallace, had joined up and came back uninterested in her or their marriage. He and his next wife, Barbie, had raised those sons as well as three sons of their own.  

Now World War II would further destroy lives.

In a series of tragic events, Euan Wallace and Barbie's three sons would also not live long enough to produce offspring.  

Lady Idna Sackville's daughter by Josslyn Hay would live to adulthood, did marry, have children, and continued on her matriarchal line.  When she married, the Queen and the Princesses Elizabeth (the future Queen Elizabeth II) and her sister attended the wedding. And so, despite all of Idina's scandal, her daughter did not suffer for her mother's reputation. Perhaps that is because relatives had raised the girl.

Idina's sons were killed during service in World War II. As had been the case in World War I, young men of the peerage did not normally avoid military service for their country. This left Euan, who had been so possessive of them without any male heirs.

Then her first two husbands, the fathers of her children died. Josslyn Hay was murdered and her once best friend, Alice De Janze was a suspect.

These deaths put Idina Sackville into a notable depression in which she did not eat or sleep properly and also developed a nerve disease called neuritis, which was said to be made worse because she lived at her house, Clouds, at high altitudes up the mountain. These high altitudes were also said to enhance the effects of alcohol. Idina Sackville was forced to go down the mountain to live in lesser circumstances.

Of great hope to Idina was that her daughter would come to visit her in Africa.  It was not to be. She died before that could happen!

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Excerpts are from The Bolter, a book by Frances Osborne, the main reference for this month's po

My readers, we are not yet done with the Happy Valley Set. Next month we will turn our attention to another book and another woman of that set and learn again how Idina Sackville's life and hers entwined.

A FIFTH AND FINAL HUSBAND

Lady Idina Sackville had one final husband... After her divorce in 1938 from Donald Haldeman, she married William Soltau who was a Royal Airforce Lieutenant.  They divorced in 1946.  I dare say that men never brought Idina happiness but then, it could be argued, she did not bring men happiness either.

As well, her health was starting to wane.

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IDINA LIVED WITH A MAN BUT HE WAS ONE MORE TO GO AWAY

By 1933, Idina Sackville had decided that Chris Langlands would make a good boyfriend.  He had wanted to marry Beryl Purves, now Markham in her second marriage, and was likely already in a ménage of some sort, but Beryl, an pilot, lost interest in him when he crashed a plane trying to show off to her. Chris owned a charter pilot service. As well, Idina and Chris met when he flew a guest over to Idina's house, Clouds.  Now that small planes were providing the transportation in Africa, the isolation of farms and ranches far apart had been breached, and friends didn't necessarily need to drive for hours to go to a weekend house party. Chris and Idina took off on safaris flying from location to location. 

She was living openly with a man without being married to him.

When I think of Idina and her life, I think she married too quickly in every case. For a woman to live openly with a man without being married to him in the 1930's was daring, even for a woman who was already shunned for divorces and deserved the reputation as a seductress.  The pressure to be married is still strong and I'm aware that many couples who decide to live together a while in order to make a decision to marry are often pressured by parents and others to make that decision.  (As well, in many states in the United States living together for seven years is called Common Law Marriage.)

Then, like now, marriage was associated with permanence and having someone to be with in old age.  So, this time Idina was the one to suggest to the man that they get married. But by 1936 Chris was also gone from her life.

What had happened to the Happy Valley Set, with all their entwining friendships and sexual adventures?  Sadly, the scene had diminished as people aged, as people did decide on someone that they stuck with, and drug addiction - especially morphine - and alcohol had consumed some of them.

EXCERPT: " The weekend parties with the old crowd were starting to become, even for Idina, a little unhinged.  The 'sheet game' took a new turn.  A sheet was strung up across the room. One gender would hide behind, a single representative of the other would grope in a sort of blind man's bluff, to work out which of the figures on the other side was who and select a partner.  As cocktails were sunk, the game developed further. Holes were cut into the sheet. Hands, feet, elbows, noses were struck through for identification.  More cocktails were drunk.  A new sheet was pulled across the room.  New holes were cut. The men unbuttoned their trousers..."  (Page 226 of the paperback.)

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Excerpts are from The Bolter, a book by Frances Osborne

A FOURTH HUSBAND WHO BECOMES OBESSED WITH HER : IDINA and THE AMERICAN

If you're the type to get jealous or obsessed, you should never contemplate Open Relationships or find yourself married to a sexual adventurer.  That is the lesson that Idina Sackville's fourth husband, Donald Haldeman, an American who'd been born in England and educated at Eton, and who lead safaris in Africa, was to learn. - Missy

..."Visitors to Kenya started to return to Europe with tales of wild parties, abundant narcotics, and strange ménages of approved infidelities and potentially Sapphic bonds, all occurring within the Wanjohi Valley.  The gossip columnists seized upon the stories, reprinting them, as was the practice then, with clear descriptions but no precise names, and rechristening the place 'Happy Valley.' (Page 173 of the paperback.)

In October 1926 Wall Street crashed and the Roaring Twenties were over.  When her mother died in 1930, Idina learned that her daughter had been provided for, but not so much for her. In November of that year, Idina went for another civil marriage, a honeymoon in the United States, and then back to Kenya the newly married couple went. Unlike previous husbands, this man was not a womanizer. The estate they founded, called Clouds, was not in Happy Valley. While he was off on safaris Idina, true to herself, began having sex with other men. Donald hated that. 

We wonder what his expectations were. Did he not know of her reputation?  Did he think moving them away from Happy Valley would make a lot of difference?  Did he think that she had outgrown or aged past her previous sexual adventures? Had these two even discussed it? In late 1933 he came home to find another man making a run for it.  Donald fired a gun at the man. He was violently angry. Idina had thought of him as protective, but it seems he was also possessive, obsessive, and controlling.  Donald Haldeman would not give up on his wife easily, threatening to shoot anyone she slept with.

Idina had friends be there for support and as witnesses when she told him she wanted out.

Idina told Donald she was taking her daughter, now eight years old, to England to be educated at a boarding school.  Once there, the young girl was lucky to be offered private lessons along with Idina's brother's child and to be raised by him and other relatives.

This time she kept the house, Clouds.

In 1934 she met her older son, now nineteen and who was discontented with the world and his place in it.  They met at the Ritz Hotel in London. This was a three-hour conversation with a young man who she had not been allowed to see since the day she left her first marriage and agreed to leave her sons with their father, David Euan Wallace. Barbie, their step-mother, had taken on raising the boys and had three children with Euan. She was apparently not going to give the boys up to their birth mother. Idina made an attempt to establish a bit of relationship with them but did not succeed. 

Her last years would be full of grief.

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HER WELL EARNED REPUTATION AS A SEDUCTRESS : AN OPEN MARRIAGE WITH A MUCH YOUNGER HUSBAND

It seems that Lady Idina Sackville well earned her reputation as a seductress and that she may've even sought out scandal.  If there was inner torment, she hid it well. But while her reputation was trashed, she looked immaculate, having clothing made for her by Molyneux, wearing a bosom-flattening androgynous style that was fashion in that moment, which we are familiar with as that of the Flapper, the liberated woman of the 1920's.  She even had furs she had been given as wedding presents redesigned.

Thirty years old, her wild life well known, Idina did find love again. This time one of Britain's most eligible bachelors was penniless but much younger, only twenty-one to her thirty. Josslyn Hay would one day inherit a Scottish earldom and climb socially by inheritance but until then he was out for fun. Idina called Joss "My Darling Lion." Charles Gordon, her second husband, wanted to marry someone else and easily gave a divorce so that Idina and Joss could marry. The new couple made it on the cover of the society tell-all magazine Tatler.

A small civil marriage again, no one from Joss's family attended. In fact, they were unaware of it for several months and were angry when they found out but Idina won them over. That done, Idina took her third husband to Africa, to Kenya, to that dream of a life there free of all expectations.

Here again she came under criticism. Society forgave affairs, not repeated marriage. She was committing treason to her class. Suspicion was that she was mothering her husband instead of mothering her own sons. Expecting an Open Marriage this time around, Joss began having affairs immediately. Idina claimed she did not mind. He had an affair with an American heiress, Alice de Janze, and the two women shared him. Eventually they became friends both awaiting his return from some other woman's bed.

Idina may have married Joss in an attempt to keep him or control him.  She was soon to learn that he was always on a hunt for sexual adventures with other women.

Not to be outdone by a husband, Idina set the stage for a home to host wild parties. In Nairobi she managed to fill a house she had built with beautiful antiques and carpets brought from England and defied the African heat and soil by planting a green lawn and English flower beds. British settlers attempted to ranch but imported cattle and sheep that did not do well in the sun. These settlers remained as British as they could considering. They protected themselves from the sun with hats. Some of them thought Idina, who shockingly got sunburned and pragmatically wore pants, had "gone native." (Native Kenyans often had several wives.)

But where to find sex party participants?  The Muthaiga Club was where the newly landed gentry went for time off.  Many of these African adventurers were the second sons who had no birthright inheritance. All regarded extramarital sex as normal. The settlers lived miles apart, trying to establish their own working farms and ranches. Their opportunities to meet and socialize with one another and beat the isolation and boredom were limited to livestock auctions and horse races and the club. During Race Week in Nairobi, evening balls gave women the opportunity to look their best, dress in the latest fashions, and show off their expensive jewelry. They had not entirely left their Britishness or their class attitudes behind. While not every party was thrown with the intention to swing, Idina's invitations were sought after. Invitees were willing to drive hours to spend a "weekend" at her home. There they were attended to by servants, took hot baths, put on silk pajamas, and started drinking and entertaining themselves with talk about farming and books, pulling 'stunts' and revving up for Idina's swinger games.

But then Idina got pregnant. Concerned that she'd loose Joss over her pregnancy, she asked  Alice de Janze to move in.  Married for four years and the mother of two, Alice and her husband arrived in December 1925. Alice immediately started an affair with Joss. Asked if she minded, Idina replied that Alice was her best friend.

She gave birth to a daughter who was clearly Joss's.  This was her second chance to be a mother. He had no need for a male heir. 

Her efforts to keep Joss ultimately failed. 

Joss qualified as a man who preferred to be Kept by a woman - at least until he inherited. While out and about he met the second wife of Cyril Ramsey-Hill, Molly, born Mary Maude in London in 1893.  Like Idina, she had also given up a child in another marriage to marry Cyril. Molly was less than a year younger than Idina, so still an older woman for Joss. However, Molly had a private income that outshone Idina's. 

Joss knew Idina and he were drained financially and sexually. As a man after a fortune, he deliberately befriended Molly's husband so that he could be invited to spend time with Molly at their much more impressive house. Then, while Cyril was out of the country taking care of business, Joss moved in on Molly, and despite almost dying of malaria, abandoned Idina.  

Joss' parents became the new Earl and Countess of Errol and Joss and Idina became Lord and Lady Kilmarnock, he got a small but decent amount of money, which gave him independence rather than the opportunity to pay back some of the bills he and Idina had, and all their hard work was for naught.  The bank foreclosed on their property. 

Idina Sackville's third marriage was over and soon she would deposit her daughter with relatives in England. It was the spring of 1928, and she was thirty-five years old. Back in London her designer friend Molyneux let her earn some income by being a showroom model.  Her willingness to work was portrayed as her displaying her body to earn a living by The Express and she sued - and won.  This time around Idina also was the one to ask for and win a divorce.  She got it on the grounds that Joss had cheated on her with Mrs. Ramsey-Hill.

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A NEW HUSBAND AND KENYA : IDINA SACKVILLE and CHARLES GORDON

Since Euan had taken lovers, Idina Sackville thought she might also. If this was not revenge or evening the score, then it was because she loved sex and had been sex starved young woman as a wife whose husband was away most of the time. She started an affair with Charles Gordon and the couple were so open about it at one point they moved into a hotel together; Not the discretion required of a Lady who had been presented as a debutant at Court. So, it was thought best if she did not attend her sister's wedding as though she might bring bad luck to that marriage. 

Meanwhile Euan Wallace, though at least as much to blame for the ending of their marriage, remained close with her family, serving as the best man at the wedding, which unlike their own wedding, was a large and expensive and thus publicly acknowledged one. The wedding tweaked him to think a bit about his own marriage and the pending decision he awaited. He had given Idina two weeks to consider making another go of their marriage but in fact he had Barbie waiting for him, even if his intention was to continue to socialize and meet others. Idina held firm. She took the blame. He was granted a divorce based on Idina's infidelity, not his. The agreement included that the children would go to Euan. Weeks after the divorce Idina married Charles Gorden at the Chelsea Register Office, a simple civil ceremony. Weeks after that the couple headed for Kenya, then called British East Africa - Mombasa - the sea front and then Happy Valley - to establish a farm.

First roughing it by living in tents, then building a camp, as the couple walked and road around land purchased and made their plans for the future there in Africa, the excitement of the new adventure gave way to the realization that even though the cost of doing so was small compared to costs in England, it would require hard, hands-on work that they themselves would need to do even with all the inexpensive labor locally available. 

When they traveled on safaris, with porters carrying their belongings, they hunted Big Game, though often killing an elephant or other wild creature in its own habitat was thought of as self-protection. Idina was active on the hunt and shot animals as well as the men. She was comfortable with the lifestyle there in Africa and began a life-long love affair with the country. Back from such adventures, the new couple began to build a single-story house to settle in, a small, efficient house compared to the estates they were used to in England. Their plans would take time.

Then this second marriage began to come undone. Euan had been extremely active in life, getting things done, while Charles seemed lazy in comparison.  From his viewpoint, the problem was that Idina was a 'nymphomaniac.'  She took lovers even when he was around. 

By February of 1920, married only ten months, Idina left hot Africa for the cold of winter in England.  It had been a year since her divorce from Euan Wallace, who was still single.  He had been socializing in America, associating with some of America's richest and most prestigious families.  Was she hoping society would forgive her and allow her back in as a divorced woman?  Did she hope to get back into a relationship with him or miss her children? As it turned out, it was completely over between Idina and Euan. Even Euan had experienced being less than desirable in the marriage market. Euan proposed to Barbie and she accepted, breaking with her fiancée who was not nearly as rich. Barbie and Euan retained their friendship with Idina's sister.

EXCERPT : "It is one thing to close a door behind you. It is quite another to have somebody else lock it shut from the other side,  particularly if the person wielding the key is the woman with whom your husband fell in love when he was married to  you. To aggravate the situation, Idina would be expected to be grateful to Barbie for agreeing to stay in England and bring up her sons, while Idina had adventures abroad.  And now that her boys had a new mother there could be no question of Idina maintaining any contact with them whatsoever.  To do so would be regarded as destabilizing to the children, selfish of Idina, and unfair on Barbie, who had to establish her own relationship wit them." (Page 130 of the paperback.)

Now called British Crown Colony of Kenya, the country was booming. Her absence while in England had not made Charles Gordon's heart grow fonder.  Idina got busy going on safari's inviting other women as guests including famous aristocratic sports women who desired challenges previously unthinkable for women to attempt or achieve.  These were often other women who were also getting divorces. These women were, in my opinion, empowering themselves and making the way easier for other women. Most were rich in their own right.

In November 1921, having technically been married to Charles Gordon near another year, the twenty-eight year old Idina went back to London.  It could be said that she had lost near everything she could have had staying with Euan Wallace, and it was a changed London, not much like the Edwardian Era she had been raised in.

EXCERPT:  'This desire to overturn every previous code of behavior over-flowed into all areas of both the public and the private domain.  In restaurants the young crowd were louder, attempted to drink more champagne than anyone had before, and danced on the tables, the women sometimes wearing nothing under floating skirts.  Nudity was all the rage.  Women appeared in transparent dresses.  A fashion began for receiving guests while still in the bath and then openly and slowly dressing in front of them..."  (Page133 of the paperback.)

This time being divorced was not the shame and ruin it had once been and several of Idina's society women friends had been divorced. But there lingered the problem that a woman was not supposed to be the one to leave a marriage.

EXCERPT: "Society outlawed and branded a wicked woman. Idina clearly decided she might as well be as bad as she could.  She had her hair shingled to razor-thin shortness at the back and painted her fingernails green.  With her new pet, the serval cat*, on a leash, she stayed out all night and slept all day... " (Page 135 of the paperback.)

* a wild cat she took as a pet in Africa  Idina had once made the rounds carrying a black Pekinese dog she named Satan.

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Excerpts are from The Bolter, a book by Frances Osborne

SHE NEVER STOLE A HUBAND

"However many lovers she would have in the years that followed, it was said of her that she never stole another woman's husband but might pick them up if they were lying around.  To Idina 'left lying around' would show itself to mean either sanctioned by their wives to sleep with whomever they chose, or abandoned by wives traveling abroad.  it would not mean husbands who were at loose ends while their wives were sick."

From page 105 paperback The Bolter by Frances Osborne

Missy here: I think this is an important distinction. Her first husband had gone off partying when she was sick and still in love with him.

LADY IDINA SACKVILLE : MARRIAGE GONE WRONG

According to author Frances Osborne, who by the way is the great grand-daughter of  Lady Idina Sackville,  the 'Bolter' started out in a first marriage to one of the richest and most eligible bachelors in Britain. David Euan Wallace, with the expectations of the Edwardian era aristocracy.  Despite her family having a bit of a tainted reputation because of the unconventional doings of her mother, Muriel, Countess De La Warr, Idina was presented as a debutant at Court and married.  Soon enough Idina had two sons, fulfilling her womanly role to provide heirs. 

Marriage was for the protection of property and inheritances and, having provided these two sons, by the standards of her peers, a woman could have affairs just like her husband, as long as absolute discretion was kept. Any children conceived with other men would be raised as though they were the sons of her husband. The precedent had been set when the then Prince of Wales and his friends met at the Marlborough House and indulged themselves. They were called The Marlborough Set. What was good for them was good for the aristocracy.

Then World War I broke out and everything changed.

Although men from the upper classes were monied and educated and heading for tremendous careers if they chose to work, or like Euan Wallace, intended to serve in the Calvary which was self-financed, they did not shy away from military service. They wanted to be part of England's role in World War I. Euan went to war and was wounded with shrapnel while serving in Belgium. Perhaps it was being so close to death and violence, but when he came back a couple months after Idina had given birth to their second son, he threw himself into having a good time. There was a man shortage true and he was still one of the richest young men in the country.  He found himself surrounded by women. Euan slept around and his lovers included Idina's women friends.You could say that the young husband had been informed by death and was trying to defy it by throwing himself into entertainments.  However, reading The Bolter, I got the impression that he was uninterested in maintaining a marriage or being a father, that he was immature.

He especially went for Barbie, a younger woman who wanted a rich husband and kept herself for marriage and just out of his intimate reach. Until recently single women could not go out without chaperones and there she was, available, but not too available. She and other friends saw him off as he returned to the war. Idina was left behind.

Idina didn't want to play the possessive and demanding wife but he left her home sick to have a good time. It was clear they were leading separate lives and that he'd moved on. He thought so little of her that six weeks went by when he didn't write of her in his diary. She had been the good wife who had written to her soldier husband every day. Of course, some mutual friends were having a good time with him and were part of this problem, but he no longer even put Idina first in public as a good Edwardian husband was to do.

Idina decided to leave him rather than wait for him to leave her.  Married five years, she was only twenty-five years old in 1918.

On November 11th, Armistice Day, World War I was over, to everyone's' great relief. That day she wrote Euan and asked him for a divorce.

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The above book review-report post is the result of reading the book The Bolter from cover to cover.

LADY IDINA SACKVILLE : SCANDALIZED THE ENGLISH ARISTOCRACY WITH HER FIVE DIVORCES : MISTRESS OF THE MONTH

 

I read the paperback, published in 2008, from cover to cover.  

MYRA IDINA SACKVILLE

1893 – 1955

Today it's not unusual to meet someone who has been through a couple divorces or many relationships.  We often meet (or are) the "serial monogamist" who has not legally married and so we can't count the legal divorces. In the Edwardian era, marriage was still the best option for women. Wives of the upper classes were expected to tolerate their husband's affairs and remain in the marriage. They were also expected to marry in the first bloom of youth. The case has been made that Idina Sackville did instigate a divorce from her first husband, thus making her entitled to be called a "bolter," but her other four divorces?  It was complicated. She did not exactly bolt from these. Perhaps she had learned there was no point in having someone in your life who had moved on to someone else. Idina's life was considered scandalous not just because she married and married and married, was a class traitor or unstable but because she deserved the reputation for being a swinger. outrageous sexuality.

Idina birthed two sons and a daughter. She gave up raising the boys as an agreement for divorce from her first husband.  When he remarried, his new wife took over raising them and she was locked out of their lives. Idina was not allowed to contact them and would not even try until they were nearing adulthood. Had she been that easily persuaded that to be childfree meant freedom? Was her hedonistic lifestyle all about masking heartbreak or was she someone who thought one should love the one they were with? Her daughter by a third husband was with her for several years and then raised by her brother and in boarding schools.

Idina's mother, Murial, was the rebel first, also divorcing, getting involved in socialist movements and a mystical religion called Theosophy. This tainted the family's reputation but was considered an interesting eccentricity. Idina got involved in an important aspect of feminism, called suffrage then, the right to vote for women.  It makes sense that she became aware of how unequal women were in marriage, how trapped.

"A man's infidelity counted for nothing since any illegitimate children he produced would stay outside both the marriage and inheritance rights."  (Page 22 of the paperback)

Idina, however, was not alone in having a non-conformist attitude. What made Idina and her "set" unusual was that they were defying all expectations of even the aristocratic and titled in England, who accepted affairs but not divorce, which was considered extreme. They were expected to make examples of themselves for the middle and lower classes. Was Idina less of a hypocrite? Was she just ahead of her times, wanting and needing the "more" that has become an expectation of relationships today? Or was sexual adventure her whole purpose? 

The Happy Valley set as it was called were people who were living in the Highlands of Kenya as ex-pats, many who attempted to tame the land and farm it, some seriously, some just to see if they could.  Many of them had inheritances or trust funds or money coming in from somewhere so that they didn't have to work for a living to start but at some point they had to turn a profit. Idina was one of them by birth though not motivated by money to stay in that first marriage with one of the richest young men in the world.  However, she saw Africa as the opportunity to start anew.

Idina threw sex parties, inventing games so guests would pair off with someone other than the partner they came to the party with. Considered beautiful, with big blue eyes but for an unfortunate chin, she was unafraid to be seen nude and natural though she was also known for having beautiful clothing and wearing clothes well, as she moved with grace in them.

The Happy Valley Set were not the only group of people experimenting with open relationships, spouse swapping, and alternative lifestyles a hundred or so years ago. Many of them did change legal partners, moving towards settling for someone along the way as they aged, if not their original spouse. Perhaps the expats in Kenya were glad to be so far from home, cold and rainy England and all its traditions. Africa meant hot weather, gorgeous rural views, exotic wild animals, houses and rural farms. It could also meant isolation, boredom, and drinking more alcohol.

Let's imagine Idina at eighteen years old in 1911 though. It's a time when girls are shucking their chaperones, staying up late listening to records on the phonograph, driving cars, smoking cigarettes and drinking, all considered evidence of liberation, but most importantly getting involved in politics and the rights of women. Rich girls especially were getting out there in the world, traveling, having adventures. Idina had a good name, even if her parents split up, and had composure and beauty. She wanted to find a husband. She was too young to imagine a life otherwise. Didn't everybody get married? Her mother, Muriel, Countess De La Warr, lodged her with an aunt in London and that year she became a debutant. Such was the prestige of her family that she was presented to the Queen at Court. Then her family gave her a little dance at the Ritz. She was photographed for the society news hanging out with friends as well as actresses and singers.

To stand out she decided to carry a little Pekinese dog with her wherever she went. She named the dog Satan. 

Not engaged by the end of that first season, which was the expectation, Muriel decided it would be too humiliating for her daughter to go another round in England and sent her to America - to New York City - on a steamship. The pressure was on the men to find a wife too, and well, being chaperoned by a railroad heir and a mining heir, staying in the United States for a whole year, gave the impression there was competition for her. Imagine being 19 and already having that pressure, that worry.

In 1913 she was back in London and engaged, while she continued to work for a group that backed Votes for Women. Her fiancée was one of the most eligible bachelors in Europe, a 21 year old rich enough to be in the Calvary, where the men financed their participation, David Euan Wallace, called Euan. He was an heir to an industrial fortune made in iron and probably just as immature as she was. Euan's family's company had 30,000 to 40,000 employees and were perhaps the richest family in Scotland. They also owned land. They indulged in philanthropy.  They had money to spare. Once married To Euan, Idina would never have to worry about money again providing she remained married.  All that was required of her then would be to do her duty of producing an heir. 

In October 1913, the engagement of Idina and Euan was announced in the Times (of London) and he set up a 100,000 pound marriage trust *** for Idina.  Her financial future was secure.

He called Idina, who was small, "Little One" and he called her "Brownie." Then they married very quietly in a small church and went off on an Egyptian honeymoon.  The intentions seemed right. What could go wrong?

To learn more about Idina Sackville and her life, continue to read this month's posts, as I explain and try to understand what she did with her life.

Missy

***A marriage trust is in place in case a spouse dies.  Its like an insurance policy.  This amount does not reflect upon the amount of money a wife has to live on or spend while married to an alive husband. 

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