Today it's not unusual to meet someone who has been through a couple divorces or many relationships. We often meet (or are) the "serial monogamist" who has not legally married and so we can't count the legal divorces. In the Edwardian era, marriage was still the best option for women. Wives of the upper classes were expected to tolerate their husband's affairs and remain in the marriage. They were also expected to marry in the first bloom of youth. The case has been made that Idina Sackville did instigate a divorce from her first husband, thus making her entitled to be called a "bolter," but her other four divorces? It was complicated. She did not exactly bolt from these. Perhaps she had learned there was no point in having someone in your life who had moved on to someone else. Idina's life was considered scandalous not just because she married and married and married, was a class traitor or unstable but because she deserved the reputation for being a swinger. outrageous sexuality.
Idina birthed two sons and a daughter. She gave up raising the boys as an agreement for divorce from her first husband. When he remarried, his new wife took over raising them and she was locked out of their lives. Idina was not allowed to contact them and would not even try until they were nearing adulthood. Had she been that easily persuaded that to be childfree meant freedom? Was her hedonistic lifestyle all about masking heartbreak or was she someone who thought one should love the one they were with? Her daughter by a third husband was with her for several years and then raised by her brother and in boarding schools.
Idina's mother, Murial, was the rebel first, also divorcing, getting involved in socialist movements and a mystical religion called Theosophy. This tainted the family's reputation but was considered an interesting eccentricity. Idina got involved in an important aspect of feminism, called suffrage then, the right to vote for women. It makes sense that she became aware of how unequal women were in marriage, how trapped.
"A man's infidelity counted for nothing since any illegitimate children he produced would stay outside both the marriage and inheritance rights." (Page 22 of the paperback)
Idina, however, was not alone in having a non-conformist attitude. What made Idina and her "set" unusual was that they were defying all expectations of even the aristocratic and titled in England, who accepted affairs but not divorce, which was considered extreme. They were expected to make examples of themselves for the middle and lower classes. Was Idina less of a hypocrite? Was she just ahead of her times, wanting and needing the "more" that has become an expectation of relationships today? Or was sexual adventure her whole purpose?
The Happy Valley set as it was called were people who were living in the Highlands of Kenya as ex-pats, many who attempted to tame the land and farm it, some seriously, some just to see if they could. Many of them had inheritances or trust funds or money coming in from somewhere so that they didn't have to work for a living to start but at some point they had to turn a profit. Idina was one of them by birth though not motivated by money to stay in that first marriage with one of the richest young men in the world. However, she saw Africa as the opportunity to start anew.
Idina threw sex parties, inventing games so guests would pair off with someone other than the partner they came to the party with. Considered beautiful, with big blue eyes but for an unfortunate chin, she was unafraid to be seen nude and natural though she was also known for having beautiful clothing and wearing clothes well, as she moved with grace in them.
The Happy Valley Set were not the only group of people experimenting with open relationships, spouse swapping, and alternative lifestyles a hundred or so years ago. Many of them did change legal partners, moving towards settling for someone along the way as they aged, if not their original spouse. Perhaps the expats in Kenya were glad to be so far from home, cold and rainy England and all its traditions. Africa meant hot weather, gorgeous rural views, exotic wild animals, houses and rural farms. It could also meant isolation, boredom, and drinking more alcohol.
Let's imagine Idina at eighteen years old in 1911 though. It's a time when girls are shucking their chaperones, staying up late listening to records on the phonograph, driving cars, smoking cigarettes and drinking, all considered evidence of liberation, but most importantly getting involved in politics and the rights of women. Rich girls especially were getting out there in the world, traveling, having adventures. Idina had a good name, even if her parents split up, and had composure and beauty. She wanted to find a husband. She was too young to imagine a life otherwise. Didn't everybody get married? Her mother, Muriel, Countess De La Warr, lodged her with an aunt in London and that year she became a debutant. Such was the prestige of her family that she was presented to the Queen at Court. Then her family gave her a little dance at the Ritz. She was photographed for the society news hanging out with friends as well as actresses and singers.
To stand out she decided to carry a little Pekinese dog with her wherever she went. She named the dog Satan.
Not engaged by the end of that first season, which was the expectation, Muriel decided it would be too humiliating for her daughter to go another round in England and sent her to America - to New York City - on a steamship. The pressure was on the men to find a wife too, and well, being chaperoned by a railroad heir and a mining heir, staying in the United States for a whole year, gave the impression there was competition for her. Imagine being 19 and already having that pressure, that worry.
In 1913 she was back in London and engaged, while she continued to work for a group that backed Votes for Women. Her fiancée was one of the most eligible bachelors in Europe, a 21 year old rich enough to be in the Calvary, where the men financed their participation, David Euan Wallace, called Euan. He was an heir to an industrial fortune made in iron and probably just as immature as she was. Euan's family's company had 30,000 to 40,000 employees and were perhaps the richest family in Scotland. They also owned land. They indulged in philanthropy. They had money to spare. Once married To Euan, Idina would never have to worry about money again providing she remained married. All that was required of her then would be to do her duty of producing an heir.
In October 1913, the engagement of Idina and Euan was announced in the Times (of London) and he set up a 100,000 pound marriage trust *** for Idina. Her financial future was secure.
He called Idina, who was small, "Little One" and he called her "Brownie." Then they married very quietly in a small church and went off on an Egyptian honeymoon. The intentions seemed right. What could go wrong?
To learn more about Idina Sackville and her life, continue to read this month's posts, as I explain and try to understand what she did with her life.
Missy
***A marriage trust is in place in case a spouse dies. Its like an insurance policy. This amount does not reflect upon the amount of money a wife has to live on or spend while married to an alive husband.
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