Thursday, August 29, 2019

WHAT'S IT MEAN WHEN HE WEARS NO RING? : ADVICE FROM MISSY

He may or may not tell you that he is married, as in legally married, or perhaps that he is living with someone without the legal but still in a committed to one person relationship. Or he may get around to telling you after you've been seeing him a while.  (I think this last one is the most common!)

Some people tell the little white lie that turns into the big gray area because they are confused, don't really know the status of their relationship, or they are sure they are on the way to divorce. They may have started divorce proceedings, live separately, or had the big talk with the kids about the way it's going, but still not have filed the paperwork.

For those of you who want to know that a man is divorced before proceeding, let me say that at this point I've heard of everything, including the woman who, while friends with the man met his wife and who was shown signed divorced papers. But he never filed them.

Let's say you've gone ahead and fallen in love, or you had never encountered a person who wasn't completely faithful to another, or it just wasn't even in your mind to consider that the handsome man sitting across the table from you isn't ready, willing, and able to be with you legally if and when the time comes.

Here are some clues:

He has a tan except for the area on his ring finger where there is no ring. (Classic) (We wear wedding rings on the left hand in the U.S. but I've met people who wore their's on the right.)

He doesn't wear a wedding ring because he's one of those men who thinks only the married woman needs to signal to the world that she is bound to a partnership or commitment.  (They had a single ring ceremony.)  This man may think of a women as something he controls and owns or he may have reserved the right to sleep with other women.

He doesn't wear a wedding ring because of his work, where it could be a hazard.  For instance, he works with electricity or a ring interferes with his playing an instrument.

He wears a ring on the wedding ring finger that isn't a band, and doesn't necessary look like a wedding band. (Maybe he wears a pinky ring too.)  Please note that in some countries wedding rings are not worn on the left hand finger next to the pinky, so check the local customs!)  Maybe he wears many rings on many fingers.  He may just like jewelry.
...

IF YOU WANT TO BE CAUTIOUS...

Is he out of his home life context?  If he is traveling for business, at a convention, on a vacation, or in some way far from home base? He may be taking the opportunity to meet women.  (The cats away and playing with the mice.)

ASK HIM WHERE HE LIVES.

Is he out with other men who also appear to be single?  He may be the married man out with old friends who are not married, having a Boys Night Out or celebrating a birthday or promotion, or maybe they all go out for a drink after work on Friday, or he may be in a pack of predators.

ASK YOURSELF WHAT YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION IS OF HIM and HIS FRIENDS.

(Men, if you want to go out to meet women, go out with just one other man so that you have company and don't feel awkwardly alone and can help each other meet women. The pack is intimidating to women who are out alone or with just one of their friends. Take separate transportation to the location, but agree to check in with each other before anyone leaves, don't get drunk or high and drive.)

HE GIVES YOU HIS PHONE NUMBER or BUSINESS CARD, and the number is a work number.

He may simply be interested in networking for business.  Let him call you. Meet for a business lunch maybe, let him do the talking. 

Missy





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