I was going to excerpt from this article, which I read in the paper copy of February 2018's edition of Town and Country, but if you don't want to subscribe, try your local library for the full text. In the article PI (or spy) Herman Weisberg is profiled as a "Mistress Whisperer" as part of a larger article about divorce among the wealthiest of us and the way art collections are assets that need to be divvied up. A photo which appears to be actress Glenn Close in her role as a Mistress Gone Mad, also appears above the article. The gist of this article is that Weisberg is the one who wealthy men in New York City call to go talk to Mistresses Gone Mad, Mistresses who start threatening they will expose their affairs to the wives, for instance. He tracts them down and just talks them down from doing the things they are threatening to do to his clients. Talks sense to them.
I found this article interesting because while certainly there are Mistresses Gone Mad out there, there are mostly a lot of people who took marriage vows who break them and who eventually go their separate ways sadly but without all the uproar. So much depends on individuals and their personalities, their values, the way they do life. But Mistresses Gone Mad are to me a stereotype, a furthering of the Home Wrecker stereotype, in which it is The Other Woman who is the problem, not the Husband, not the Wife. The man who Keeps a Woman, who has access to money to do so without his wife knowing, seems to never take the blame. If he cheats, it's never his wife who drove him to it.
The film Fatal Attractions was hot and also crazy. Actor Michael Douglas and actress Glenn Close were the two having the affair. When I watched this film, I saw a lot wrong in Close's character early on. It was clear to me she was emotionally unstable and also that she had lied that she was up for a one time experience - no strings. But predictably enough, Michael Douglas' character is perhaps more stable, but the one who really can have a one time fling. Maybe his backstory is that he doesn't always or even often have flings, but you suspect he's had, and as the story goes he will go unpunished. He's the married person and the person with children, more to loose and risk. It is his wife, trying to hold her family with children together, willing to take his confession as an apology, who goes after the mistress and violently. Of course the rabbit boiling in the kitchen pot scene is very threatening. This very successful film is a modern morality tale and it also communicates that what's exciting is the battle of two women for a man. I feel Close did such a good acting job that it stereotyped her as a person.
If you are a wealthy married man risking an affair or actually Keeping a Mistress, which isn't the same thing, you need to think it through before you ever have to hire a PI or spy to talk to your Mistress Gone Mad! Have you entered into this extramarital relationship to help you get through a divorce or maintain a marriage? Have you done your best to end your relationship without the rancor? Or does it excite you to have two (or more) women fighting over you? Have you been fair to her financially?
By my way of thinking, if you've been Keeping a Mistress, and the break off or your divorce is going to impoverish her, that is not fair of a wealthy man. I think you should provide her enough money to continue to pay her rent for a year and you should also set it up with your attorney to pay for her education, if that will help her towards financial independence.
Divorce occurs in California as a Community Property State when two people divide all assets in half. In some states there are other considerations. One of my friends experienced moving to another state with her long term husband who - it took her years to realize it - was willing to lie and set the whole thing up and put in a couple years elsewhere - so he would not have to split their assets in half. She found herself calling him to ask him to pay for her reeducation since the move meant leaving a long term job she loved and not having the retirement she would have if she stayed. A couple years later he moved back to California and was soon married to someone who I believe was his Other Woman years before. The focus here is on Community Property, and I've heard of wives who hire experts to track down assets they didn't know about. But wealthy men, hear me out. If half of all you own has always been yours, use your half for Keeping a Mistress, if you must.
To the Mistresses out there who are deeply in love with the wealthy man who Keeps them, and who have taken themselves out of the "available" pool, perhaps given up jobs or careers to be available to travel, and so on, please try not to be the Mistress Gone Mad though you are heartbroken and stressed.
You've made many decisions and choices, small and large, along the way, so own up to it.
That is All For Now!
Missy
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