Wednesday, September 2, 2015

CHINA'S EMPRESS DOWAGER CIXI : MISTRESS OF THE MONTH MARCH 2015

 
EMPRESS DOWAGER CIXI
(1835- 1908)
 
Loved this book and you will too if you if you're interested in Chinese history and the
rise of a woman from concubine to a behind the scenes Ruler of China.
 
Imagine being twelve years old - maybe fourteen.  You have no say about your life at all.  You must obey your father - your parents - your family.  They can even tell you to commit suicide and you will follow through.  You've been raised to be obedient.  And you cannot be married to someone of your own choosing, or married at all, until you are paraded before the Emperor along with many other girls, brought to the Forbidden City on carts. 
 
If he rejects you, you go home to your family.  If  he chooses you, you go home for a year or so, until you are called.  If he (or his mother) chooses you to be one of his many concubines, then you must live segregated in a harem with the rest of the women at the back of the immense Forbidden City, where you may life a life of loneliness, or rise, step by step, to be a person of privilege, maybe even his favorite.  Only one young woman is chosen to be the Empress, his wife, and he may not even be the one to choose her. 
 
Chosen for the harem, you will not choose your own décor, clothing, or food, all of it regulated to announce status.  What colors of silk, how many flowers in your hair, how high your shoes, how many cooked chickens for eating; everything is dictated.  You may or may not get along with the other women and girls. 
 
There are eight rungs on the ladder of the imperial consorts and if you are Cixi you begin on rung six.  You may never rise higher. 
 
Cixi did rise, because she was submissive and well liked by the Empress. 
 
She learned as his wife had, that the Emperor, called "The Limping Dragon," loves sex.  He increases the numbers of his consorts.  He also brings in prostitutes with bound feet and even goes outside for pleasure.

For two years Emperor Xianfeng paid no attention to Lan, a name not of her choosing, at all. Born in 1835, she entered the harem on June 26, 1852. It was his wife Empress Zhen who took a great liking to her, protected her, and raised her rank slightly until she requested to be renamed, from then on called Cixi. 

The Empress Zhen, his wife, and the lowly concubine became great friends.  When he died, though not officially his mother though she gave birth to him, Cixi's son became the Emperor and she and The Empress became "The Two Dowager Empresses" who, still confined to the back of the palace, and sitting unseen behind a yellow screen, basically ruled China until the son was married and had his own marriage.  Then the son died only a couple years later of smallpox and on his deathbed asked the women to continue their role as advisors to the council, and they wanted to keep it going that way.  in 1871 Cixi chose the three year old son of her sister to be the next Emperor.  The Empress Zhen died ten years later and so Cixi delayed his marriage until he was seething 19 year old. At that point she retired to the Sea Palace and kept herself entertained by designing her clothing and jewelry and having live operas performed for her entertainment.  She had servants holding her cigarettes and umbrellas.  It was not enough for this powerful woman. By 60 she was wearing wigs over her balding head and had lost heart. 

As history goes, she would never find great peace.  China would experience the Taiping and Boxer Rebellions, and wars with France and Japan as well as the invasion of Allied troops including Great Britain and the United States during her life time.

Though she may have been selected for being a obedient and unopinionated when just a girl, Cixi became hated. She had chosen a wife for the new Emperor Guangxu, who had been born her sister's son. This wife was the Empress Longyu who had been, at marriage, a 21 year old spinster, an older woman.  At his death she would do the honorable thing and commit suicide, leaving his favorite concubine Pearl to fend for herself.  At 64, Cixi, in an escape fleeing the Forbidden City in the year 1900 ordered Pearl to commit suicide.  When she wouldn't she was tossed down a well.

Cixi lived exiled with a large group of other aristocrats and servants in Xian, but remained a ruler of China, and what I would call a secret feminist, hating the inequality that women experienced and the attitudes against them.  Though she was aging, the Emperor Guangxu was a feeble man.  They returned to Beijing in about 1901-1902.  She died in 1908.

Of great interest to me was the power of these two women in their political alliance, which they had to handle so carefully so as to not be accused of treason, and which was immense.  This is the story of strong women and weak men.  Yet, they were women, and not free to live entirely as they liked however rich and privileged they had become.  When lonely and young as a widow, Cixi had taken one lover, a eunuch, and when he was beheaded she had a breakdown, and never took a lover again.  Unable to have more children as a Dowager, he strove to put those who were blood related to her and family on the throne of China, with failure.


C 2015 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot/ Missy Rapport  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

 



Monday, August 31, 2015

NEW YORK MISTRESS THEODORA LEE CORSELL as well as the ASHLEY MADISON HACKING SCANDAL : MISSY SPEAKS!

DAILY MAIL - MISTRESS SUING FOR $2 MILLION - SIX YEARS OF SERVICES 

EXCERPT : on Theodora Lee Corsell, Mistress

A 67-year-old mistress who spent the last six years trying to get a retired media executive to divorce his wife and leave her alone at their Park Avenue home has filed a $2million suit against the man. 
 
James Greenwald, 88, was professionally and romantically involved with Theodora Lee Corsell while he was living with his wife Marilee, according to papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court
 
Corsell is suing for the 'reasonable value' of the six years during which her 'services' went unpaid. ...
 
***
 
Missy here! 
 
This law suit could be interesting and may help define extramarital relationships and any economic value they may have.  (Use the search feature on the side bar of this Google Blogger to search for PALIMONY and Michelle Triola Marvin!)   However, my feeling is that while there may be a Breach of Promise involved, Ms. Corsell is unlikely to win the award she is seeking. 
 
Married persons promising to leave their spouses and then NOT - nothing new.  Certainly all those who paid ahead for wedding gowns, halls, and ministers, whose fiancée's decided not to marry them could sue too.  But SHOULD THEY?  I believe that the American public (the lawsuit takes place in New York City) from which the jury will be pulled will think,"You knew he was married and you didn't care and now you want money?" 

But I could be wrong because, if you read Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot, you know that DEFINING "Mistress" is increasingly difficult in a time when so many couples live together without marriage, when so many men and women have children with multiple others, and  people who did not seem to want or seek "marriage equality" are trying for it.  There are just so many ways to have relationships, most importantly love.
 
Putting VALUE for SERVICES - for companionship and/or sex - is edging towards prostitution and - this is a feminist value - certainly being a wife and mother traditionally caring for the home, raising the children, and not going out into the workplace as the income earner also has VALUE, a value no one is really willing to put a price tag on, though some people do HIRE others to take care of childcare, cleaning the house, and all else that traditional wives and mother's do.

I recall a friend of mine from some years back who was the pampered and spoiled only daughter in a family of many boys.  She was very pretty and sought out for dates.  While her brothers had to scramble for cars and all else, she was given them.  At 28 years old this friend of mine still talked baby talk to her father.  She didn't know how to cook - not even a burger.  She didn't know that childbirth hurts.  (Really!)  She believed that it was easy for a woman to get her figure back after pregnancy.  She believed a woman should never make more money than her husband.  She believed that abortion was sin, no matter how a woman got pregnant, even gang rape.  She had a big beautiful expensive wedding that cost more than her college education and a substantial down payment on a house, all from her wealthy grandparent.  She was caught up in the romance and excitement of this all, but seemed unrealistic about what her life would be after the wedding.  Still, none of us who were a bit wiser wanted to ruin it for her by telling her so, because, well, MAYBE it would turn out for her as she dreamed.

The man she did marry had an stable but average income.   They were in shock about paying their bills and having money left to eat hot dogs.  Last I heard she was a stay at home wife and mom of seven children.  I think about how stupid her parents were the way they kept her from reality while they told her to "marry to her station in life" which was a fairly inflated idea of who and what all they were.  I wonder if on a difficult day with the children if she is perfectly groomed and ready to wait on her husband when he comes home from another hard day at work or if she's as frazzled as most women would be.  Strong traditional values are in place here and it's unlikely she or her husband would ever cheat, but you never know. Other of my friends who married for the right reasons have.

EONLINE - EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE ASHLEY MADISON HACKING SCANDAL

EXCERPT:

Surely not all 37 million are legitimate accounts. In fact, the hackers themselves stated that a whopping 90 to 95 percent of users are men, suggesting that the majority of Ashley Madison online activity is men flirting with people posing as down-to-cheat women. And some of the people who pleaded ignorance could've had their identity stolen, right? That's what Joe Biden's son Hunter Biden said happened to him, anyway, when his name turned up. The Takeaway: We really want some of the names named to be innocent.

****

The ASHLEY MADISON hacking scandal has me rather distracted.  In the past in this blog I have both expressed doubts about online dating (having never met anyone who actually had a relationship with anyone they met on line) and alerted the world to the fact that Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot is NOT related to this or any other web site.

So, what do I really think?  Are there really 37 million plus "cheaters" signed up with Ashley Madison? Are these members mostly looking at pictures and having fantasies but not doing much of anything about having an affair?  I was surprised to learn that the fee to join is substantial, beyond affordable for most people who are NOT sincere in their quest to find someone "on the side" and it made me wonder if traditional marriage is for the minority.

Well, if I were the wife of a husband who secretly signed up for Ashley Madison I would be concerned, but I wouldn't automatically think it went further than the fantasy.   (Check out my past post on the Rabbi who suggests that a married couple needs to have a fantasy between them that they are cheating on each other.)  I would be more concerned if I found myself tied up with a sex addict or porn addict than I would be a man who has fantasies.

Well friends, it's time for me to go, since September's edition is soon going to press!

Missy


 
 

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

MISSY ASKS YOU! HAVE YOU MARRIED EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR LEGAL PARTNER?

More than one of my female friends has had three marriages.  One in her twenties.  One in her thirties.  One later.  Twice legally divorced, these women hesitate to walk the isle or sign on the dotted line a third time, have been with their third partner longer than they were married the first or second time, and either live separately or go between residences. 

Monday, August 17, 2015

BARBARA PAYTON - A TRAGIC LIFE THAT INCLUDED BOB HOPE? CAN'T STICK A MISTRESS LABEL ON HER!


BARARA PAYTON wrote this book, which I was unable to get a copy of and read, so what I'm about to tell you comes from reading multiple web sites that portray Payton as a film noir actress with a sordid life, beginning with being raped at 15. (And when a woman becomes a sex symbol in adult life, such horrible beginnings sexually are rarely identified as rape.) It's a matter of record that she eventually was arrested for prostitution and died young, about age 39, from the consequences of abusing her body with alcohol and drugs.   She wasn't found for a couple days, and she had lost teeth and grown obese and so she was found unrecognizable.

This was one woman who had a life too difficult to cope with, and though she has been linked with Bob Hope, it seems that she has been linked with so very many men that the label Mistress is very difficult to stick on her. at least not by me.

***
Barbara Lee Redfield
November 16, 1927 in Minnesota - May 8th 1967 San Diego


***

Like Marilyn Maxwell, and Marilyn Monroe,  Barbara grew up to become beautiful, had an early marriage that didn't last long, went from being a small town girl to Hollywood, and attempted to make a career in film. Unlike them, and unlike Bob Hope's wife Dolores DeFina Hope, she was considered trashy from the very beginning, and went downhill. She did not seem to have the penchant for raising herself up out of her circumstances that Monroe, who took classes and became an enthusiastic reader did, and I have yet to meet anyone who would deny that Dolores Hope became a terrific hostess and classy, sophisticated woman.


But an important aspect of defining a woman as a Mistress is her own intentions.  For instance, when in June 2013, I featured JILLIAN LAUREN : FROM NEW JERSEY TO THE SULTANS HAREM TO LITERARY SUCCESS : as MISTRESS OF THE MONTH, it wasn't that she had been a stripper, or had worked as an escort, but that when she got to the Harem it was her ambition to be the best, most wanted woman there, to elevate herself to being a mistress.  She was the mistress of Jefri Bolkiah and then his brother Hassanal Bolkaih, one man at a time.  She says she rose up in the ranks to be the #2 Girl.

Therefore, no matter how many men Barbara Payton had, be they husbands, affairs, or tricks, if she had a Relationship with Bob Hope and the ambition to be his Mistress, then maybe that label can stick after all.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

IS 18 TOO YOUNG TO BE A MISTRESS? OR SHOULD SHE GO TO COLLEGE ON HER OWN DIME?

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Hey Missy!
I just turned 18.   Am I old enough to be a mistress?  I met someone who wants me.  He says he'll put me through college.  My mom can't afford it.

Jenny
San Diego

ANSWER FROM MISSY

You're "legal" Jenny.  Should I say "just barely?"

There are lots of college students who are making it through with ways and means besides trust funds and parental contributions.  There are always student loans (but many go unpaid.)  There are also in California the much less expensive community colleges where you go for a couple years picking up credits, get an Associates Degree, and transfer from there, with lots of students getting grants, scholarships, working and going to school part time.  I think this is a better idea that going to any technical or specialty college.

There are also students going to the UC's who are working as strippers and exotic dancers and legal but sexual masseuses (which seems to lead to prostitution and porn but not always).  There are some students who have a Sugar Mamma or Daddy who pays all of their expenses including housing, or help as they can afford to.

But few.  All those ads in the back of free newspapers?  Ignore them.  Sadly what's for sale there is usually girls who had to run away from home and are homeless and abused.

So since going to college does not depend on having a mom who can afford it or rich parents and there are ways to go that don't require being someone's Mistress, let's go to the question of OLD ENOUGH.

My feeling is that 18 is way too young.  My feeling is that a woman should not even consider being a Mistress until she's at least 28 years old!  I know it can be argued that age is "just a number" and it's experience that counts.

WHAT KIND OF EXPERIENCES DO YOU HOPE TO HAVE IN THE NEXT 10 YEARS?

I choose 28 because by that age most people have already had some sexual experience and a good idea of their orientation.  The stats say that by then most have married.  Most have supported themselves for a while.  I don't believe anyone should marry until they have lived on their own and been self supporting for at least a year.  Better, with a realistic sense that if they ever have to, they can make it on their own.  By 28 some of your girlfriends will have married and divorced and be single mothers.

Finally, 28 is about when many women start to get the sense that there aren't too many men out there to choose from.  That sense is actually correct but remember that statistics do not predict what will happen to you in particular.  By 28 a certain percentage of men will be sure they are gay so they are not for you!  Many are happily committed in marriage or living with someone they will eventually marry.  If they are happy, then they are not for you!   If they are happy they won't do more than worship you from afar. No one ever said that getting married means you will never ever feel attracted to someone other than your mate!

Then there are the men who are not attracted to you and never will be, even if you are attracted to them.  Again, not for you!  It seems that men count on their attraction to a woman in their choices much more than women.  Still, because of Internet dating sights, even those over 50 are finding someone to be with that they wouldn't normally meet in the course of life.

So I think "give it ten years and see what happens."

From 18 to 28 you will have lived a lot of life, know more - especially about yourself, be more mature, and you can think about what's happened so far in your life and reassess.

I suggest you go to your closest community college.  Explain your situation.  Talk to their Career Counselors and Financial Aid.  Take some tests to assess your interests and abilities. Even if you try it out with just one class this fall, why not try it, even if you work at a fast food restaurant too!  And Jenny, I thought your question was important enough to run my answer here in plenty of time for you to get it together for the fall semester.

Missy

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

GOLF

Bob Hope Golf Classic was a PGA tour staple and was renamed the Humana Challenge in 2012.  Though a Republican and the friend of several Presidents of the United States,  his Desert Classic Series became sponsored by Humana and President William Jefferson Clinton.  He played on hundreds of different courses around the world and golfing was something that his wife Dolores also enjoyed and something they could do together.  At their best, both Bob and Dolores were very good at golf.