Monday, September 29, 2014



Dear Missy,

I'm near 40 years old and have been celibate for over a year.  In this year I've been thinking a lot about my past relationships with men and I'm so turned off!  For some reason men are mean to me.  I'm a nice person.  I think that and my girlfriends say that and my mother does too.  Why are men so mean?   I've never been married so I have no children.   At my age I see I probably never will.  The last time I had sex with someone that I waited about six months to have sex with it was bad.  I can't even have a fantasy about sex with another man so I'm wondering if I'm gay.  What do you think?  Should I start dating other women?

New Rochelle

Missy Answers:

Nancy, it sound like you need TIME OUT.

If you are not having fantasies about having sex with other women you probably aren't gay, just tired and disgusted with men.  I suppose you could go out to wherever lesbians can be found in your area to meet each other and be experimental but I think you should be honest and tell any lesbian woman who is interested in you that you're simply questioning rather than sure. 

I have no idea why you have a collection of mean men in your past.

I was trying to relate your question to one of my women friends who is also a very nice person and has had one stinker after another since high-school including two mean husbands. 

PERHAPS IT IS LIKE THIS.  You have to be able to realize it when someone is being just a little bit mean to you and not let them get away with it.  Allowing it, pretending it isn't so, because you don't want a confrontation, want to make nice, or are too forgiving, probably encourages them to get away with more meanness.  I have a theory that while we women are raised to be "nice" we are also afraid to END A RELATIONSHIP that is no good.  You are probably so nice that people think everything is always OK with you without asking.  You might give the impression that you are happy to just go along for the ride or have no needs.  Maybe it's more that you're PASSIVE than nice.  Just a few thoughts here about meanness because I think the real question is about sexuality.

Some women are always bi-sexual, some women do choose to be lesbian at some point in their life, even after marriage and children with a man.  Women who've been raped often express having no desire for sex with men for some time after that experience.  A bad relationship can effect desire.  If you persist with no sexual interest at all you might want to get some medical tests to see if what's happening is hormonal, related to blood sugar, or some other condition like depression. 

Basically I think you need to HEAL!  Give yourself time and lots of love!


Saturday, September 27, 2014



FROM THEIR SITE:  "We’re feminist masked avengers in the tradition of anonymous do-gooders like Robin Hood, Wonder Woman and Batman. How do we expose sexism, racism and corruption in politics, art, film and pop culture? With facts, humor and outrageous visuals. We reveal the understory, the subtext, the overlooked, and the downright unfair. Our work has been passed around the world by our tireless supporters. Just in the last several years, we’ve appeared at over 90 universities and museums, as well as The New York Times, Interview, The Washington Post, The New Yorker, Bitch, and Artforum; on NPR, the BBC and CBC; and in many art and feminist texts. We are authors of stickers, billboards, many, many posters and street projects, and several books including The Guerrilla Girls' Bedside Companion to the History of Western Art and Bitches, Bimbos and Ballbreakers: The Guerrilla Girls' Guide to Female Stereotypes. We’re part of Amnesty International’s Stop Violence Against Women Campaign in the UK; we're brainstorming with Greenpeace. We've unveiled anti-film industry billboards in Hollywood just in time for the Oscars, and created a large scale installation for the Venice Biennall, and street projects for Krakow, Istanbul, Mexico City and Montreal. We dissed the Museum of Modern Art at its own Feminist Futures Symposium, examined the museums of Washington DC in a full page in the Washington Post, and exhibited large-scale posters and banners in London, Athens, Bilbao, Montreal, Rotterdam, Sarajevo and Shanghai."

IF YOU'RE A TALENTED WOMAN ARTIST you do not have the opportunities for employment, agent representation, gallery representation, art sales, or to ever make it into a book or museum.  I saw the Guerilla Girls at a college years ago.  I was impressed.  The masked women said that if their employers knew they were part of this group they would be fired.  I have to wonder, if women artists were experiencing equality, would fewer of them become mistresses?

Tuesday, September 23, 2014


"I won't be shy about asking sex questions of any person I might have sex with!"

MIssy here!

If you're thinking about having sex with someone you should feel free to ask them some questions about their sexuality and health and relationship status before you do!  Many people move from having a hook up, a meet up, friends with benefits or a fling, an affair or an adventure, or just sexting into a "relationship" without knowing much about the other person.  It is too dangerous out there health-wise to be so casual about your sexuality.

HIV infection and AIDS is a big worry.  But did you know that if you're exclusively heterosexual and  you're with someone who is also exclusively heterosexual, don't do anal sex, and don't share needles for drug use, you're biggest STD concern is herpes?  In some parts of the United States up to 25% of the heterosexual population has herpes and if you become one of those who has herpes you could be on expensive prescription drugs for years, have painful outbreaks that make sex terrible, need to have a C-Section birth, and will have to use protection each and every time you have sex even when you're married?  SO WHY NOT USE PROTECTION EACH AND EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX now so you won't have to deal with such issues later?

Besides asking a person to use protection, you may also want to ask them some penetrating questions (pun intended!) about their relationship status.  Are you married?  Do you have a girlfriend?  Are you seeing anyone else?  If the person says they are married ask them if they are legally separated or living alone and how long they have been.

Do not be one of those people who, when confronted with the truth, confronts the other person, only to be told "Well, YOU never ASKED!"

Thursday, September 18, 2014


I know that some of you lesbian women are so keeping other lesbian women!

Not being able to marry legally may be blurring the issue here because the Classic Definition of "KEPT" or "MISTRESS" insists that someone involved is married but, well, sometimes a woman of means will "help" more than one woman, be a patron of the arts, or get that younger woman through college or get her a first career break. 

Sometimes there isn't any sex involved! (Lesbian Bed Death?) but sometimes there is!

Would love to hear some of your stories!

If you leave a comment it WILL NOT APPEAR ON THE INTERNET without my approval and I WILL NOT APPROVE for public use anything you TELL ME YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO PUBLIC!