A SUITABLE GIRL : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

Far from the television series in which a Matchmaker with International Clients including Indian-Americans, meets up with mostly educated, mostly well to do clients, though I believe one of the situations explored in this film is the daughter of that very same  series Matchmaker, this documentary includes women in India who want to get married but are of modest means.  It's tradition that the daughters leave home and go to the home of their new husband and usually her mother and father in law, where she is to please them. Though this is the tradition of the culture, and everyone knows how that goes, there is still great sadness when a loved daughter leaves home.

It's considered NOT NORMAL to be NOT MARRIED.  And sadly, even intelligent, well educated women who have a career started are expected to give it all up.  Education and independence make them undesirable.  In one situation explored in this film the bride believes that she will perhaps have to give up her work and move to another city for her marriage but that she will be able to join her father-in-law and husband's company.  Instead she has to give up modern clothing, wear saris every day, cover up in public, and do the family's political interests proud.

Perhaps the most horrifying to me was the Bombay Rotary Club meeting in which three potential brides got to meet a roomful of men, and the overweight woman was not selected by any of them.

Perhaps on the positive side, horoscopes are generally checked to see if the potential couple are a good match.

Of most interest to me was the woman who was a teacher of children, perhaps an only child in a modest family,  In other words from a poorer family, a humble one.  Yet years have gone by and at thirty she has not been married.  She attempts to find her own mate using a dating site and the first man and his family come to meet her family.  Though the two seemed to have interest in each other, it turns out they are all rejected because they are too poor for the other family, which causes the parents great distress and the woman a profound depression.  She is a round woman but also pretty and seems to have a good personality.  Finally she begins communication with another man from a dating site and this time she is successful. He is handsome, has a warm and wonderful personality, and seems to feel he is the luckiest man in the world.  And so a happy ending... I loved when her dad burst out in tears because she was leaving home.

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LOVE and SEX IN INDIA : DOCUMENTARY FILM: MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

India is primarily Hindu, secondarily Muslim, and both religions arrange marriages.  This film is about just how rigid that system is.  It is illegal to send a private investigator out to ask questions, illegal to have abortions, and both dowries and the caste system is illegal.  However, investigators routinely go out to get dirt on a potential bride or groom, women have abortions - especially to be rid of female fetuses (femalicide) and so the proportion of women available for men to marry is shrinking. People who run away to marry someone they fell in love with that their parents do not approve because they are of a different caste, and severe physical punishments if they are caught happen.  It's inexpensive to buy acid to throw in a woman's face for refusing a groom and men can be beaten to death as well.  These "Honor Crimes" have their defenders and lawyers who will go to court to defend them. As a result there is, profiled in this documentary, a shelter where couples go and hide and a tiny room of a temple where they can be married.  That they eloped and it's a done deal does not mean either of them will ever see their family again.

So, if you, like me, have studied yoga, and are of the opinion that India is a very spiritual country, well, it's also a difficult one to live in if you are a modern woman, one that doesn't believe in love as a reason for marriage.  Despite the Kuma Sutra sex position manuals and romantic Bollywood movies, sex - even kissing - is not allowed before marriage.  A woman without a husband has no status. 

And perhaps the biggest taboo of all is homosexuality, although transgender people - considered the 3rd sex and mystical - are accepted. 

All very sad, very distressing.

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MEET THE PATELS : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

What do you do when your mother considers herself to be a successful matchmaker herself, but you can't seem to find the "right one" to marry and you really want mom off your back?

MEET THE PATELS is a documentary film that focuses on Patels, apparently one of the most common East Indian surnames in the United States and a name which also implies a certain caste. Handsome East Indian-American men experience a clash of cultures, the tradition of arranged marriage or finding their own partner in life, called a "love marriage." The idea is that if two people are matched well they will come to love each other, or learn to love each other, or discover what love is together. Generally, arranged marriages is how their parent's met. Aren't they happy? Doesn't a person's attitude has much to do with their parent's marriage, the marriage they have judged to be good or bad?

One thing that impresses me about East Indian Matchmaking in the United States is that the potential mates are often willing to move their lives to another city and state to make the match.  Sometimes the bride or groom, mostly the bride, comes from India to a new marriage and a new country.  What an adjustment that must be!  This means that family will either be distanced or follow.

I enjoyed this one.  It does have a happy ending. 

AROUND WE GO

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MATCHMADE? HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED MATCHMAKER? MISSY ASKS YOU!

Have you ever been match-made? 
By whom? 
Did it work? 
Have you ever played matchmaker to another couple?
Tell ALL!

Your comments are reviewed before posting.

LOVE ME : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW : UKRAINIAN WOMEN AS IMPORTED BRIDES

I watched this documentary film with fascination because I wanted to know more about the men who are featured.  These are white American men trying to find a Ukrainian woman to import to the United States for the purpose of marriage.  All of them seemed to be decent enough men, not the type who would bring a woman to our country under false pretenses and turn her life into a nightmare.  I wanted to know if all or any of them would be successful.

This film focuses on a particular company that provides a web site, translation services, and trips to that country for meet ups, which are usually parties where women come to meet men, dance, talk, and perhaps further their relationships.
Some of the men have spent thousands on this process and have been to the country before. It's not an advertisement for this particular company and I wondered just how many companies are in the business of brides.

I can't help myself.  All the while I'm wondering why these men want a woman from afar, because I think there are plenty of women right here in the United States of America who would be willing to marry them.  Most of these men have income, houses, and can provide and evidence of that is also that some of them are spending thousands of dollars in pursuit of Ukrainian women.


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CHRISTMAS KALEIDOSCOPE

MAIL ORDER BRIDES - INTERNATIONAL MEET UPS - MATCHMAKERS - THE BUSINESS OF MARRIAGE : SPECIAL TOPIC

Over the last several years, rather than keep to the usual Mistress (or Mantress) of the Month format, I've been covering special topics that I think will be of interest to my steady readers in December - the Holidays.

I know that the holidays are busy.  I know that some of my readers, who are involved with others who are married and elsewhere, may feel especially bored and lonely.  The Coronavirus-19 Pandemic has put extra stress on everyone, particularly those who have had to sequester themselves without visits from the one they love and lust after. Too many Zoom meetings already.  I wonders if we will ever safely date.  Can we even kiss someone we just met?

This might be a good time to read this blog from start to finish if you have never and think about what life as a Mistress (or Mantress) has been for some of those who couldn't keep their lives a secret because they were just too famous or they themselves wrote a book about that experience. Maybe this will help you assess your own relationships, your needs and desires.  Maybe you're one of those people who think being Kept is something you would never do. Or maybe you're trying to decide if you stay or go in an extramarital relationship. Remember that for every one person who is known, there are likely hundreds who have arrangements, and many thousands who've had an affair.

You may be NMNK and happy or you may long for a partner in life.  There's a question you must ask yourself...

Do you want to be married?

If you're someone who wants to be married but you just can't seem to get a relationship going in that direction, you may have considered what's out there - Internet based dating clubs which have their basis in what used to be called Lonely Hearts Clubs! There are many opportunities to meet someone long distance, such as someone from another country who is actually still living there.  These long distance connections are aided by companies, hundreds of them from what hear, that charge mostly  Westernized men to meet mostly "foreign" women.

One of the stereotypes we deal with as a society is that men are marriage adverse and women want to be married and have to be patient, or be tricky, or extra sexy, or something in order to snare a resistant man. Is a man who is in love resistant just because he's male?

In truth, there are many  good men who want to be married because they see the value in it. Some men flourish in a good marriage. Others just seem to have no luck. Are they just "too picky"? Is their wish list just too difficult to fulfill? Maybe having no luck works in their favor - for a while.  A man who has had a hard time meeting Ms. Right might just appreciate a good woman more than a man who is spoiled by women.  Any woman who has been baited, hooked, and then thrown back into the sea by a man whose just no good, who has issues with commitment or does this to flatter his ego or impress his lousy friends, wants one of those good men - a keeper!  Some women are willing to share a good man too.

So this month I want to look at the men who desire marriage so much they have given up on it all happening organically and naturally and have decided to try to import a partner for life.  They seek a woman who will be the ultimate gift to themselves!  And I want to look at the whole arranged marriage deal in this, the 21st century!

Missy