IS HER ADDICTION TO SOCIAL MEDIA TWEAKING HER JEALOUSY?

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Hi Missy,

A few years ago, I started using social media.  (She names the accounts she has.)  I met someone I like a whole lot but I can't stop myself from checking on him. I don't think I trust this man.  I know it might not be rational.  I get jealous when he comments on certain women's posts. I just can't stop myself. He's distancing himself.  I can feel it.  Help me!

Roseanne

Milwaukee

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Hi Roseanne!

Roseanne, you don't say how long this has been going on or if it's a new relationship.  Or if you've ever discussed being each other's one and only. You have become self aware that you have a problem.  You're compulsive about checking a man's social media so you can evaluate his interest in other women.  How much of this relationship is real, if at all?  Maybe this man is posting things to make you jealous, maybe not.  But since you are jealous, check in with yourself about this relationship or relationships in general.  Would you say you are a 'jealous person'? Or is it this particular person or relationship tweaking your jealousy? He might not be aware of your feelings for him  He might be distancing for any number of reasons. If so, I'm thinking, let him!

You need to think about how you communicate with others.  Or if you do. Is he speaking or writing to YOU outside of social media posts?

I blog but I don't do social media.  I don't have accounts on Twitter or Facebook or any of the ones you mentioned in your comments. Maybe that's why I rarely check other people's.

I strongly believe that you should do as much in-person communication as you can with others.  An in-person encounter is multi-dimensional.  You get to see what expressions they make and look into their eyes. If a person takes something you said the wrong way, you can quickly explain or apologize.

Next in importance when communicating comes phone calls.  Never make a phone call a date.  Use the long phone call to catch up with long distance friends.  Otherwise, use the phone to make plans to get together with someone in person.

Texting can be done more quietly and so privately in some situations. That might be helpful but a phone call probably takes less time to communicate than hitting all those letters to compost a text.  Oh, and auto-correct has made idiots of us all.

I don't like constant interruption and it seems some people spend their days barging into your life with their texts and photos they send. I'm capable of shutting the phone and other distractions off so I can work. By now most people know when I'm likely to answer the phone or call them back.

E-mail is good if you can't communicate by phone for some reason but the phone call is better.  Now with cell phones and unlimited long distance for a monthly fee, I don't find e-mail as useful as it was in the early days when long distance land-line charges were off-putting.

I don't believe in booty calls at all.  

I don't think we should be taking phone calls or texting after about 10 in the evening when we need our sleep. The exception is if you already have a plan in place to talk to someone. People have different work schedules and family obligations so maybe there's someone in your life who truly can never talk until after 10 PM.

Try shutting your phone off and removing yourself from computer use an hour before you go to sleep.  Set limits to how often you check for messages or check social media sites.  You'll probably find that an hour a day is enough for social purposes. Try to get that down to fifteen minutes.  

Get out there and meet people in person!

Missy