HOW MUCH OF A MAKEOVER DOES SHE REALLY NEED? HE LOVES HER AND HER (OLD) LOOK : ADVICE FROM MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Dear Missy,

I'm a mistress in New York City and a Classic Case.  The man I've loved for many years is always gone for the holidays so I'll see him again mid-January.  I know he loves me.  I'm fine with almost everything as is.  The other day I was looking in the mirror and I decided that I need a total makeover.  I feel like I'm trying to hard to look too young now.  The problem is that he loves my long hair and I'm so tired of the look and the upkeep.  He also loves my legs and so I always wear short skirts to show them off.  I wear them to work too, because he often meets me after.  My legs are still good, but I feel like I'm trying to be years younger than I am.  He takes me shopping and strongly suggests what we buy.

I'm afraid if I change my hair and my style he's going to hate it.  I think he likes looking at me and likes to be reminded of how I looked when we met close to 20 years ago.  I worry that the transition to looking older is not going to go well in this relationship but I want to age gracefully. I think it's time to make some changes.  Should I just make my changes and surprise him when I see him next ?

Allison

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Dear Allison,

We all age.  He has.  (Is he still wearing the same hair style and clothing he did all those years ago?)  But life isn't fair.  Lots of men who have let themselves go still expect their women to be in great shape. I've know some men who are slobs in their own appearance feel pride that their women are so neatly groomed.  And men seem to cherish that their woman be, or look, younger than they are.  (It's probably deep seated - biology.)

My suggestion would be that you do a make-over gradually.  I don't know how long your hair is, but let's say that if it's down to your bum, you could get maybe four inches taken off.  When he notices don't say anything apologetic or explaining or blaming such as claiming your hair dresser suggested it to get rid of the split ends.  Just say, lightly, "I thought I'd try it."  (Same thing for any color changes or covering the gray.  Don't shock him.  Go the same color or close to it.) 

Tell him things have changed at your work and people are dressing differently there and you want to fit in there rather than stand out.  I think you can start including items in your wardrobe, such as pants that might go with a suit jacket you already own. Just say, lightly, "These are so easy."

When he looks at you, he does notice your hair and your legs, and what you're wearing, but I suggest that when you look at him YOU ALWAYS LOOK HIM IN THE EYES.  Keep the eye contact, Allison.  And my feeling is that this may be the time to remember the romance and reignite it, for which you might also need some new purchases.

Missy