FORGET TEXTING AND E-MAILING YOUR LOVER : OPINION BY MISSY

I rarely text anymore and have been known to block someone or shut down an e-mail address as soon as I perceive that someone I trusted should not be.  Have you ever had an e-mail address that had absolutely no spam for years become the target of porn spammers simply because you gave that address out on a contact sheet that was circulating around a room at a local event?  Have you ever lent your phone to someone only to have the person they called on it harass you? Have you ever lost your phone or had it stolen and realized that the person who now has the phone in hand knows a lot about your life?  How about a male "friend" who is keeping tabs on you and has a fantasy relationship with you in his mind because he sends little pictures and jokes and you are too kind to never respond?  I've had all those experiences, which is why I'm more cautious these days.

TEXTING AND E-MAILING ARE SIMPLY SO EASY that we have forgotten that our messages can be used against us and CELL PHONES HAVE MADE USING THEM AT ANY HOUR OF THE NIGHT OR DAY A TEMPTING OPTION.  There you are, thinking about someone, wanting very much to reach out, or say I love you, but how many of us have learned the hard way that texting and e-mailing do not make a relationship! 

You know that you can send a message in the middle of the night and that the person will recieve it in the morning when they turn on their phone.  That's not really disturbing anyone, is it?  Well, yes it can be. With cell phones the days of trying to find a phone booth to call someone are over, but keep on the lookout for working phone booths because they may be a better option.

We think we are keeping in touch or providing some vital information - making plans for the next date - when we use them but really RECENT PUBLIC SCANDALS HAVE REMINDED US - TAUGHT US -  THAT TEXTING AND E-MAILING ARE ONLY AS PRIVATE AS THE PERSON WHO RECEIVED MESSAGES, and how sure can we be of privacy when we really don't know someone as much as we should first before we start sending them?  They are not private messages when there is someone who who will reveal their content to others for their own reasons or purposes.  Certainly email or texting "evidence" can be kept, retrieved and sent out.  Once you send a text to someone's phone it can be resent to dozens of people and those dozens can resend it too.  You are out of control!

Don't think I'm against technology.  I obviously blog, and I welcome people to send me a question or comment using the Google comments option.  I have the controls turned on so that I get to read a comment and decide if it will appear on the net, in order to keep people who might be vulgar or trying to sabotage this blog away, and I promise readers that if they want to send me their e-mail via comments, I will contact them.  It doesn't happen that often, but so far this has worked well.  That's because I would never out a common person who is confiding in me, but I don't blame someone who wants to be cautious with me.

TEXTING AND E-MAILING taking the place of in person, private conversations simply do not further intimacy.   Don't be fooled.   Relationships still take time and energy to develop, nurture, and keep and they happen IN PERSON!  If someone says they will call to make plans, they should.  They shouldn't be sending a Text, a picture, or a joke as a substitute rather than follow through. 

Last year I had two friends who just wanted to text.  I couldn't figure out why they didn't just want to talk on the phone when we spent hours back and forth texting.  One of them said she didn't want her room mate to overhear her and I believed it but when the room mate moved out it was the same.  Finally, I decided I would tell them that I no longer text, but would like to get together for coffee and talk.  It may surprise you, but it didn't me, that both friendships ended.

Texting and e-mailing are a good way to spend time and energy on relationships that are going nowhere.

So - no personal texting or e-mail at work, not when working, not after hours, and not on their computer.
And erase personal messages off your phone soon after you get them.  Never put first and last names in your phone, use nicknames if you can.  Never put personal addresses, e-mails and so on in your phone.

Think ahead to that phone being in someone else's possession.   - Missy

C 2013 Missy Rapport / Mistress Manifesto  All Rights Reserved.
Keep an old fashioned phone book with names and addresses.