SHE CAN'T MOVE IN BECAUSE HIS MILLENIAL CHILDREN WON'T MOVE OUT (and HE WON'T MAKE THEM) : QUESTION FOR MISSY

Question:


Hi Missy,

I'm a hardworking woman in her mid forties who put herself through higher education, earned a Master's degree, and make a decent salary.  Bart is fifteen years older than me and has two Millennial children he had late in life and who he sent to college.  They went away to school, graduated, started careers, and moved back in.  I love Bart but there is no progress in our relationship.  He won't move in with me in my much smaller house.  He won't tell his children they really need to get moving and live as adults on their own.  We need the room for our relationship.  Bart's wife died a few years before I met him.

I think of myself as a Mistress sort of because though I make decent money, he provides the extras that make life exciting and truly well lived.  I've never tried to replace his wife as the mother of his children.  They seem to like me well enough.  What's with this Millennial generation?  What should I do?


Sandy
Michigan


ANSWER BY MISSY:


Hi Sandy!

The cost of living is a factor and so is that, just as you have the extras that make life exciting and truly well lived because of Bart's generous nature, so do his children. (And that cost of living and need to pay for a college education is one of the reason some Millennial's become Mistresses!) I feel sorry for the generation that remains dependent on parents though intelligent and well educated and at the start of careers because they cannot afford to move out due to the cost of living. I truly believe that the experience of independent living is important for everyone, especially before marriage. But I bet these children can afford to move out and live on their own, at least with housemates, and just do not want to for other reasons too, such as remaining family though their mom is gone.  If Bart is truly wealthy, I think it would be a good idea if he bought them a house they can live in separate of him as their inheritance, or left the house that he raised them in with his wife to them and bought a separate house for the two of you.

So I do wonder if Bart really wants to move his relationship forward into living together or legal marriage at this time or not.  It sounds like you've talked about it and are frustrated with him.
I also wonder about your house. Is it the place that you two spend most of your time?  Have sex? Depending on your own financial situation, you might want to talk to Bart about selling it and buying a home together, though I generally think such a house should be purchased by a couple only after legal marriage, or if meant to be the residence of the Mistress, put in her name only.

By the way, Millennials not moving out and into fully independent lives, and parents who allow this also keep couples who might want to divorce married.  Any man who wants a mistress and still has healthy, educated, adult children at home, has a special obstacle to that goal.


Missy