SUMMERFLING : K.D. LANG

THE BARBIZON - MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK RECOMMENDATION

The Barbizon Hotel was the foundation for independent life of many women who came to New York to start careers in writing, editing, modeling and acting, beginning in the Flapper era and continuing into the 1980s. These two recent book reviews say it all and much more eloquently than I can. From names you've heard, due to the success of the women, to those who came to stay and stayed for years due to rent control, The Barbizon is a hotel that has had a place in women's history. I wish there were more places like it today. If you know where they are, please leave a comment including links to properties!

The Barbizon: The Hotel That Set Women Free

By Paulina Bren

Excerpt: Bren draws on impressive amount of archival research and pays tender attention to each of the women she profiles. (Includes Grace Kelly, Ali MacGraw, Candice Bergen, Physician Rashad and several writers.)

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2021/03/02/books/review/the-barbizon-paulina-bren.amp.html

Excerpt: New York City once had more than a hundred residential hotels, places like the Algonquin ... the Carlyle ... the Plaza ...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/03/08/when-the-barbizon-gave-women-rooms-of-their-own/amp

LOINS OF LONGLEAT, LORD BATH, LEFT NO INHERITANCE FOR HIS SEVENTY FOUR "WIFELETS"

DAILY MAIL UK: LOINS OF LONGLEAT LORD BATH'S WILL LEAVES OUT HIS 74 WIFELETS  by Martin Robinson   Excellent photos!  The Wifelets and the Lord were the featured subject here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot in May of 2021.  You can find those posts in the archive.

EXCERPTS : To the public at large, Aleander Thynn cultivated the image of the pony-tailed polygamist living the life o a libertine with scores of lovers while cushioned by great wealth, privileges and the security of a 10,000 acre estate.   ....

Not long after marrying, the free-spirited Bath had another woman on his arm, Tara Moon, a model turned interior designer.  As the Sixties made way for the Seventies, the Longleat harem began....  The women came and went.  Some were given cottages on the estate, though there was no noblesse oblige - they had to pay rent.  He coined the word ' wifelet' to describe these omen,  Glamour girls, actresses, singers, would-be models and some mere concubines, they were all recruited. ... They included Jo Jo Laine, the former wife of Wing's guitarist Denny Laine and an unashamed hedonist, Bond Girl Sylvana Henriques, Chinese artist Chung Yee Change, Sixties model-turned pub landlady Irene Barnett, the actress Cherri Gilham and Nola Fontaine, the outrageous cabaret singer.

To reiterate some information:

At 87. Alexander Thynn - 7th Marquess of Bath, long married to Anna Gael Gyarmathy, died of Coronavirus-19 in March of this year.  He had an estate with many cottages called Longleat, and he had many women installed as "Wifelets" as he called them, living there.  Many of these women were artists. A forever-hippie,

EXCITEMENT

 

THANK YOU FOR READING MISTRESS MANIFESTO

I don't write just for hits. 

I write because I'm so interested

in my subject. 

But I'm jazzed to know so many other people are interested in it too!

ANNA BEY ON THE TYPES OF WOMEN RICH MEN LIKE

Russian men commonly have two women?

Which type are you most attractive to?

The Hip-Hop Rap Music Business Man?

The Old Money Trust Fund Type?

The Russian Oligarch?

The Arab or Gulf Coast Prince?

The New Chinese Rich Guy?

The Tech Billionaire?

The Finance Guy?

The Rich Farmer?

The Discreet Guy?

JOY

 

MEN WHO HAVE WOMEN FRIENDS: WHAT I DO NOT AGREE WITH ANNA BEY ABOUT

As a person who has had several men friends in my life and has been a woman friend to several men, I disagree with Anna Bey when she says that if a man has women friends in his life, he's just not that into you.

Oddly, she admits to having several male friends in her life. She also says your net worth and network are the same. So is she only networking with other women? Aren't friends the best of your network?

I think it's healthy to preserve and make friends of all kinds throughout your life no matter what your marital status is. Having a partner should not prevent you from this. Some friends are to share and some are just for you. Your partners shouldn't dictate to you who you can befriend, unless there's a true reason for concern like the person is criminal, or violent, or using illegal drugs. Of course you'd be protective of someone in cases like this. 

You're not going to like all of your partner's friends nor they, yours. Still, unless there is a true reason for concern, well, this may surprise you, but you still deserve some privacy and autonomy even if you're partnered.

A friend you can trust and rely on is a treasure. But just as there are many ways to love, there are many ways to be friends with someone.

The limits some women let men put on them is troubling. Same goes for men. If a partner begins to hack away your friends at the beginning of a relationship when dating, I'd advise you to end the relationship. It's a form of control that's abuse.

Everyone should have some people in their life who are there for friendship, not for business, not as family, and not for romance. You need support. You need to go out and have fun. You need to share. You need the opinion of the opposite gender. You need to be you.

Generally, I think men are better at keeping friends because they're better at being their own person, setting boundaries, considering opinions but deciding for themselves. It's the women who seem to consult their women friends about men in their lives as if they need approval or don't have full confidence in their own thoughts and feelings and are in need of guidance. (Sure, sometimes you do, but all the time?) Anna is right about the kind of women friends a woman should have. Let the ones who are not for your happiness and success or can't keep a secret go. 

I think a woman needs the same in men friends. And visa versa.

If you allow yourself to be isolated by a partner, or if you dump your friends when you get involved with a lover, do you really expect them to be there for you when you come up for air or get dumped yourself?

Or, if you are the controlling and jealous person, well, I guess you might be able to trust someone who has no one else but you but this can also be abusive. (As a side note one of the first things that happens when you get involved in a cult is the cult finding fault with your support group and cutting you off from them.) I've observed women friends who started affairs because they felt so locked down in marriage. It seems at that point anyone looked good -the office womanizer, the guy in the mail room who never had a girlfriend, the irresponsible man next door with a child that needs a mommy.

The reason partners don't want their significant others to have friends is a fear it will result in affairs. But does it really? I think men tend to separate who they feel attracted to and who they don't and well, women friends tend to be the ones they aren't attracted to.

But then it may surprise you to know I don't advise anyone participate in hook ups or friends with benefits. Not only do these activities blur the friendship/ love boundary they also blur the stranger/friend definition. 

Another fear that's being played when a person's partner expects them to leave behind friends is that having them is like having potential lovers awaiting. This can happen. Which isn't the same as counting on it happening.

There can also be a fear that a man's women friends will decide who they like and who they don't and will influence him out of dating you. I had that experience with one person and he admitted to me that she objected to all his girlfriends, so that should have been revealing to him. A friend wants the best for you but understands you go your own way.

While it may be normal to prioritize an intimate involvement or to get busy with work and raising children it doesn't take a lot to keep a friendship.

Send a birthday card.

Meet for lunch.

Invite to a party.

Have a long phone conversation once in a while.

Send over home baked cookies or a bottle of wine with a note.

Sure your lives may go out of sync or take different paths but then it may be more interesting when you share.

I believe that friends are especially important if you have no siblings or your parents have died or you live far from your family. 

Because we've been thinking about men and women and money this month, I'd like to express that I don't expect friends to always pay for me or go without some sign that I'm participating in a friendship. When I'm out with men friends such as going to the theatre or meeting up for dinner I pay for my own tickets or meal. However, I believe in taking turns with invitations and with some invitations comes the nicety of paying for the people you invite. If you are the one with limited funds, still find ways to show your interest.

Invite people to a potluck or dinner party. Invite them to go to the museum on a free museum day. Take along a picnic basket. Don't expect men friends to act like suitors and do all the calling and planning.

Women friends have told me of feeling confused about a man's interest in them upon first meeting up. Is he looking for a friend? Or someone to date?

Men have told me that if they meet a woman and meet again for coffee and she offers to pay for hers they feel she is signaling she's interested in friendship only. 

This is complicated by the fact that men today don't always want to reveal themselves as interested and face rejection. They'd rather be cool and let the woman reveal herself. They'd also rather "hang out" than actually go on dates. That's for teenagers who need supervision, in my opinion.

Men who can afford to will often pay for their friends because they can, male or female friends. Women who earn good money or happened to have come into some do the same.

Missy

C 2021 All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

LUXURY

 

FINISHING SCHOOLS? WHAT ARE THEY?

What's a Finishing School? 

I've often thought the term "finishing" has some negative implications, such as you're through. You're done. Sad.

Finishing School used to be where rich parents sent their daughters to refine their manners and prepare themselves to join Society, perhaps to become debutants, but  "deb" or not, to become the wives of men of means and importance, where socializing and entertaining were part of the lifestyle. When education wasn't emphasized or careers impossible, young women as teenagers were sometimes sent off to these schools without completing high school or the school might offer some classes that could bring a person up to the level where they could run a household or pass today's GED. Although women through the centuries have had intelligence, when marriage and children were the intention it wasn't thought education was important.

Diana Spencer, never a scholarly teen, went. So did Jacqueline Bouvier who became First Lady of the United States and Carla Bruni wife of former President of France,  Nicolas Sarkozy.

Like chocolates, the schools in Switzerland were said to be the finest.

Though young women with advantages and opportunities to socialize with rich people have been exposed to that lifestyle growing up, these schools were meant to further refine and to communicate that they were all grown up and ready to be married.

Now there is only one finishing school left operating in that country and the curriculum has changed because today many women opt for higher education and go directly from prep school to university. There are schools elsewhere though, in London, in Japan.

Finishing is actually, in my opinion, Polishing.

Putting your best forward. Smoothing communication. Removing the rude.

Now, being polished can very much be about your career, especially if you need to navigate the customs of other cultures. This is especially true when a person from Europe or America needs to do business in Japan or China.

There are some variants of Finishing School. In the United States "Charm" school is often a Modeling School. Posture (walking tall, perhaps balancing a book on your head), composure (keeping your hands still and in your lap or your legs together when sitting) and having someone else advise you on fashion, hair, and cosmetics, is key.

I've had associates who went to these schools as teenagers as they did want to try modeling or were going into fashion or hair dressing.

I've regularly met men and women who desperately needed to become less crude. Some were good people but ones who blurted without thinking how insensitive they were being to others. Despite succeeding past their parents, they still told horrible jokes, openly put people down for not having as much as they did or ridiculed disabled people, ate with their mouths open, wore scuffed brown shoes with blue suits, or talked only about themselves. It could be cringe worthy.

Finishing Schools vary on what you might be taught so I've made a list. Please note that men too need the information that's taught. 

Table manners.

How to set a table for casual dining to banquets.

Napkin folding.

Flower arranging.

How to be a host or house guest.

Dealing with delicate situations. (What to say or not say.)

Gifts. What's appropriate.

Running a household. (How to hire and deal with servants.)

What to wear for various sports and events.

Some may include.

Dancing.

Languages.

Skiing.

Horseback riding.

I think people who are encountering those more privileged than themselves tend to repress themselves and observe, following the lead of others around them, in order to learn. My experience is that the very rich from birth like what they like and are not so out to impress. 

Who needs it?

I'd say anyone going into international business or diplomacy. World travelers. Anyone who finds themselves involved in business in foreign countries. Scholarship students to private or elite colleges.

What does it cost? 

Several schools I found on the Internet didn't show their prices, others did. Some went on line for classes during Covid-19 others like Anna Bey's School of Affluence are always on line. A discount price I noticed on one school's web site had cut their price from $1500 to $500. I found one article, from a 2013 Business Insider, called "Wealthy Chinese Women Are Paying $16,000 for 10 Days of Finishing School" by Liz O'Connor.

You can learn some of these things by reading books. Go for the ones published recently.

I decided that I would not link to any schools because I don't think I've ever linked to anything that costs money like this. I'm sure you can do a little research yourself if you're thinking of going.

Missy

C 2021 All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

FEMININITY

 

SHOULD HER SISTER DUMP THE MAN SHE'S BEEN SLEEPING WITH FOR SIX YEARS? OPINION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Hi Missy, 

My sister, I'll call her Linda, is over 40 years old and is a single mother. I'm divorced with one child. My sister's child's father has never been in their lives.  My ex-husband has been in my child's life from the beginning.  My sister worked hard to get where she is in her career, I'll say that. To stick with it she's basically foisted her child on me and especially our mom for free child care. Now her child is a discontent teenager with emotional problems, brilliant but troubled. Her child is jealous of my child and all the attention and love she has had from her dad growing up. Mom and me and even my fifteen year old try to deal with Linda's child with understanding and compassion.

For the last six years when Friday comes, a day when Linda often can take off work early, she sends her child over after school to mom's to stay the weekend. Then her boyfriend Boris comes over and they play house until they both leave for work on Monday.  

Last week Linda's teenager stayed at my home for the weekend because mom went out of town. We had a talk and she told me that she hates Boris. She said that Boris never ever takes her mother out. That he is embarrassed by her.

Linda is obese. She's a yo-yo dieter and emotional eater who has gained and lost a hundred pounds several times. She is also pretty, wears beautiful clothes, has her hair and nails done frequently, and is finally earning enough money to buy a house. I think she should move into the house and leave Boris behind.

Linda's daughter says that even though he has a Master's degree and a good job too, he lives with his mother and says he is never getting married to anyone. 

I said, "Are you saying that in the last six years, he has never taken your mom out in public?"

The answer was yes, after the first couple months, when Linda was thin.  

"They cook, they eat, they have sex, they watch films, they have more sex."  Imagine that coming from a fourteen year old!

I love my sister. I've never agreed with how she was raising her child. I felt it was especially unfair to our mom, though I know mom is not saying so. Should Linda dump Boris, because I think she should.

Marissa

Chicago

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Well, Marissa, you know it's YOU and not Linda asking me for advice, right? 

This situation has been going on and on and on and probably will, until your sister is made to face her responsibility as a mother. Your mom needs to call it quits on the free child care. Linda and her daughter need to repair their relationship and may need therapy, especially because the child has one half a parent. Not everyone should marry, but if Linda wants to be, I doubt this is the man.

It sounds like she and Boris are both immature and it's their parents - the moms - who are first and foremost responsible for that. Despite popular opinion parenthood isn't supposed to be forever. A parent needs to prioritize their child until they are launched, which in my opinion should be around the age of 18 - 21. But I get you.  You care.  

I think if Linda were asking me, should she dump Boris, I'd say he sounds like a monumental waste of time, but that she should tell him he can no longer come over every weekend. Twice a month is all. The other weekends should be just Linda and her daughter spending quality time. 

They are not spending equal time at his place because he has none and his mom lives there. I wonder if he ever brings groceries over or pays for take out? What's he doing with his Master's degree and the money he makes at his job? Does he ever buy Linda special presents? Has she ever met his mother or been over there? If he is ashamed of her, because if that's it, then he's especially taking advantage. By now he knows just how little he has to do to keep her in his life.

I like privacy, but this man might be someone who has a secret that Linda wouldn't want to know about. Maybe he's married. Maybe he has children out there too. I don't normally like this idea, but I think as a sister you have the right to hire the Private Investigator that Linda will not. Check him out. If he isn't a garden-variety user, if there's something especially important to tell Linda, tell her. Otherwise, it might turn out he's a good guy with some foibles and it might even ease your mind.

Let me know what happens next!

Missy

C 2021 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved

ANNA BEY on THE NEW USE OF AN OLD TERM : GOLD DIGGER

The video was taken down from YouTube by Bey so....  I will just leave up my commentary!  Missy

********************************************************************************

In other videos Anna explains that she is a feminist and wants to see women treated better as well as honored for their contributions to life.

How do I feel about women paying for men on dates?

I think the person who asks someone on a date should make all the arrangements and pay for everything, based on what they can honestly afford. In other words men, don't dare ask a woman, pick a restaurant, get there, and then tell her she is paying.  If you are a woman who asks a man out, ditto.

I also feel we need to understand that dating is dating.  It's not necessarily a relationship. Lots of people date a lot.  You can date a lot and not be sleeping around.  You can just be meeting people, some of whom you may want as friends. Dating might lead to a relationship.  A relationship may require some honest assessment of what is affordable to all involved.

If a man has little to no money to date, he can still find affordable (free or inexpensive) things to do.

My friends who had more money than the men they were dating and pulled their wallets out early on, found themselves married to men who had the expectation of being supported.  More than one of them spent most of his time on the sofa.  

Missy

UPDATE HERE:  I was going through my archives this morning and was reminded that in April 2010, I did a month on PEGGY HOPKINS JOYCE, much based on a book about her called GOLD DIGGER.

You can find that month in my archives or search for her name.

PEGGY HOPKINS JOYCE

Spendthrifty Gold Digger Who Ended Up With One of the World's Largest Diamonds

Since the title of the book is Gold Digger, I used it correctly, yet I do wonder now, based on what Anna has to say, if Peggy really was just after the money. or if she too suffered for this term.

GUIDE TO MISTRESSES of the MONTH and SPECIAL TOPICS is UPDATED in PAGES

I just UPDATED my GUIDE to Monthly Topics, which appears in PAGES. This gives you the opportunity to scan for what you'd like to read.  You can find these posts in ARCHIVES or you can SEARCH within the blog. The search feature is embedded in the sidebar.  

Have fun, let me know what you like, and if you have any suggestions about who else I might feature, please leave a COMMENT!   Missy

P.S. Summer is here!

NATURAL BEAUTY

 

DONT'S WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR PRESENTATION FROM ANNA BEY

Twitter, Pinterest, podcasts, videos, web sites, interviews, news articles... Anna Bey's lifestyle philosophy, her do's and don'ts, are out there. She advises a studied approach to your image and self presentation. This is the first thing a person who has never been introduced to you and sees you out somewhere sees.

Here's a short list I culled from various Anna Bey sources.

Don't:

Crack your knuckles or your neck.

Wear tight clothes or try to sex up your appearance. (You can wear clothes tailored to show your feminine figure but not tight.)

Chase men. (Let them approach, do the asking.)

Pay for dates. (Not even the tip.)

Slouch while sitting or standing. 

Upload sexy photos of yourself on the internet.

Swear or use slang. 

Wear ripped jeans or t-shirts. (New or used.)

Grow your nails too long or decorate them wildly. (But do polish.)

Overdo cosmetic surgery. (Must look natural.)

Buy clothes or cosmetics just because they're expensive.(Many expensive items are not classy.)

Stop your transformation or expect it to happen quickly. (Always be at the top of your game.)

How many of these things did YOU already know?

MANK FILM INCLUDES W.R. HEARST's MISTRESS MARION DAVIES

NETFLIX : MANK FILM OFFICIAL SITE 

The Old Hollywood actor Marion Davies, the long time Mistress of William Randolph Hearst, our Mistress of the Month in July 2013 here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot, is portrayed by actor Amanda Seyfried, in MANK.  Mank is the nickname for a screenwriter named Herman J. Mankiewicz, talented and alcoholic, who was the screenwriter for Orson Well's film Citizen Kane. Citizen Kane was supposed to be a bit of a parody of the lifestyle that Marion and W.R. had at their California "ranch," where they often entertained Hollywood friends. Originally planned as La Cuesta Encantada (Enchanted Hill) it was referred to as San Simeon,  Today it's a tourist spot called "Hearst Castle" and is about half way up the coast of California.

HEARST CASTLE ORG - Informative Site! I'm so glad that Marion's role in Hearst's life is included in the list of bio's at this site. 

EXCERPT: By the end of her career she had starred in a total of 46 films, including 16 talkies.  In the early twenties, she and Hearst moved their company, Cosmopolitan Productions, to California and joined forces with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer studios.  All of her major films were produced by Cosmopolitan Productions and filmed at Paramount, MGM, and Warner Brothers studios.

Shortly after meeting Heart she became his constant companion and confidante. She was Hollywood's foremost hostess, throwing lavish parties at both Hearst Castle and at a extraordinary mansion on the beach in Santa Monica.  Dignitaries, Hollywood stars and famous athletes eagerly accepted invitations to her parties.  She followed the recommendations of Hearst's financial advisors, avoided debt, and invested wisely in real estate.

During the late thirties, hard times hit Hearst Corporation, and Marion gave Hearst a check for one million dollars to save the company from collapse. According to those who knew her, this selfless act was just one example of Marion's character.

***

But what of the Davies character in Mank, a film that recieved 10 Oscar nominations, and Amanda Seyfried's portrayal of Marion? Seyfried was nominated for Best Supporting Actress.

This NPR article praises the actress: NPR ORG : AMANSA SEYFRIED SHINES AS MARION DAVIES in MANK  This article is about how the actress was turned into a Marion, wardrobe, hair, the works, for the film and is worth the read - or you can listen to the audio instead.

EXCEPT: (Amanda speaking)

"Marion was a really talented actor, she had incredible range, she was really funny, and she was able to lighten any scene that she was in,: says Seyfriend,"She was very unfiltered like I am, and she was very allergic to being dishonest, which I am absolutely, You know, the Brooklynese was kind of, just, at the end of the day, when she took her shoes off and she grabbed her bottle of gin.  She was exactly who seh was and you know, she hd no shame from where she came from."

If interested in Marion, please use the search feature embedded in this blog, or go into the archives to read the whole month!

Missy

THE COSMOPOLITAN ARTICLE THAT QUOTES ANNA BEY

Cosmopolitan: The Secret Lives of Instagram "It Girls" by Jennifer Savin  

Quoting Anna Bey in 2018; "The men of this world are obsessed with status in the way that the women all want to be with the richest man. The men want to be seen with the most desirable, hard to get women..."

Go to the article to read what else Anna had to say about the her set lifestyle.

BILL GATES, MELINDA GATES, and ANN WINBLAD ARE (PROBABLY) NOT A LOVE TRIANGLE : OPINION BY MISSY and MISSY ASKS YOU!

The announcement that Bill Gates and his wife Melinda French Gates are calling it quits after 27 years of marriage, three grown children, billions earned and much of it given to charity and good causes - including development of a Covid-19 vaccine, is being reported internationally. Apparently, Bill once dated Ann Winblad for seven years but ended the relationship when he met Melinda. Ann was given the respect of approving of the marriage - or at least giving a strong opinion. I know that's a bit like Camilla Parker Bowles approving of Diana Spencer as a wife for Prince Charles. Ann is also married.

As reporters hunt down "the other woman" who (probably) doesn't exist, though a billionaire like Bill Gates and a billionaire like Melinda French Gates are certainly going to be confettied with persons of interest, the reveal is that for years Bill and Ann spend one weekend a year together at a beach house in North Carolina.

I thought this was terrific. You can bet it was negotiated with Melinda as well as Ann and Ann's husband. Obviously Ann and Bill decided they valued a long friendship and wanted to keep it and did despite many years full of changes. Out of 56 weekends in a year, Ann got one, but it was enough. If Ann were a male best friend very likely Bill could more easily spend a weekend or a whole wifeless vacation week with him, without scrutiny or anyone calling the place they stayed a "love nest." The old friends do a lot of catching up during that weekend.

It seems to me that Bill Gates and Melinda French Gates also have negotiated a friendship, one that includes continuing the philanthropic work of their Foundation. They are also keenly aware that due to their wealth their lives are lived on the world stage and it wouldn't surprise me that the announcement and all else has already been planned. If there is anything that broke them up, busyness is probably to blame. 

The reporters know they have a Big Story but are some of them desperate enough to make stories up out of little evidence? I picked this story up on a publication that I read called Daily Mail (i.e. Daily Mail UK or Daily Mail Online). During Covid-19 lockdown, I found myself reading it way too much. I realized that many an article in this publication is based on speculation or "Royal Experts," many who have written books that have gained them the "Expert" title. However, their opinions are touted as Journalism, and Journalism is based on facts - OK research - interviews - fact finding. If you read the publication enough, you soon realize that there are many conflicting opinions about Prince Harry and his wife, Meghan Markle AKA The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, as an example. That is what makes the publication, one of the most popular in the world, a tabloid rather than a 'hard news" venue. 

However, maybe no one but Bill and Ann know if their weekends are part of a SAME TIME, NEXT YEAR relationship. By bringing this up, I do not intend to imply it is. Same Time Next Year was a play I once saw at a straw hat theatre that was made into a movie in the 1970's. In it, two people who had an affair agree to meet each year. She tells her husband she goes to a religious retreat. It's fascinating because they are devoted to their spouses and have no intention of divorce but the personal changes each goes through all those years shows them in distinctly different places in life. His wife dies first.

While one article in the Daily Mail called what Bill and Melinda and Ann have an "odd arrangement" I have to wonder how many people just wish they could have one just like this with someone of the opposite sex with whom they have a valued relationship.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND ONE WEEKEND A YEAR WITH AN OLD LOVER TURNED FRIEND that your partner knows about?

DELICATE

 

ANNA BEY : UPLEVELING INFLUENCER and HONORARY MISTRESS OF THE MONTH

 ANNA BEY

One of many images found on Google Images of Anna, who herself posts many images on Instagram.

Just when I thought to honor ANNA BEY with an Honorary Mistress of the Month because I think she'd be (or maybe has been) a successful Mistress, she started the year out by getting married. She moved to Geneva, Switzerland from London, England. She married her love, a man originally from Lebanon, a banker whose privacy she will respect, in a small civil ceremony due to Covid-19 restriction. She'd been with him for about three or four years. She says they'll get around to a proper church wedding after Covid-19.

But that doesn't mean she never was Kept.

I first encountered Anna on YouTube and I must have watched every one of her many professionally made videos in which she talks about elite life; fashion, composure, etiquette, and many other subjects of interest to those women who want to "level up." She starts by addressing her audience as "elegant ladies."

I found that I agree with her on some of what she has to say, though not everything. One thing I strongly do not agree with Anna about is that if a man has women friends he is just not that into you. I'll write more about that later in this month.

I find Anna Bey to be beautiful, charming, intelligent, wise, accomplished, and willing to help other women. She runs her School of Affluence for a reasonable fee, an online finishing school, or you can go to one of her websites where she posts free advice pages to supplement her videos. (You sign up on her mailing list.) I'm convinced that she is sincere in her willingness to share her lifestyle philosophy, that she has learned from harsh experiences in her own life, and that she can be a positive influence on other women. She says no matter what path you've been down, you can always turn around.

Anna believes in self improvement from the inside out though she first became known for modeling fashions she approved of. You can even listen to her video about which handbags that costs thousands are not classy. She even wrote a book on how to be classy. 

Yes, she spent $10,000 to get her nose done and wears hair extensions but she's a also into positive affirmations, dream boards, journaling, astrology, and psycho-therapy too, for as long as it takes. 

Of course, here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT, we know that there are very many ways to love, and that there are very many ways to be a Mistress. In fact, sometimes, with so many people living together today without marriage, it becomes a bit difficult to know what adultery is. Plus some women knowingly and willingly share men and not everyone is interested in monogamy. 

Being a Mistress does not require adultery. It often does but unmarried men have Mistresses too. I'm also sure when I say that being Kept does not require that you be fully supported financially by another person. Though a Classic Mistress expects and gets this, today there are few Classic Mistresses. 

I think a woman's independence begins with education and work. Opportunities for women are better now than ever, at least generally in the West, though still not at all equal to what men have overall. Covid-19 has effected women's employment far more than men's: I was told that by a person who works to help women gain job experience at a non-profit. As a result of today's desire for independence, most women like to be working at something, paid or unpaid. Women like to have their own money, which they earn. For Anna this has become teaching and running her business. She advises women to get busy. She also says the reality is most women who gain an elite lifestyle do so through men.

Has Anna benefited from a man's generosity? Surely, for she advises women not to keep cheap men in their lives and says rich wives should not be embarrassed about living off their husbands.

A moment here from me about "Sugar."

A Mistress and her Man are not in "just" a Sugar Baby and Sugar Daddy relationship either, though some of those experiences become loving relationships that endure. We have to be a bit cautious because there are people who sign on to be Sugar Babies who might be living as escorts or a Sugar Daddy might see it as hiring one rather than having relationships.

Sure there may be economic benefits to being a Mistress, but that's not all there is to it. If that's all there is to it, it probably won't last. Mistresses love their men and their men love them too or what's the point? Why would you chance being punished for going against the social norms or get dragged into a terrorizing divorce to tie yourself to another person in a unloving relationship when you could be out there looking for love? 

Here in the pages of Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot there are examples of women (and some men) who have been Kept, completely, a little, a while, or a lifetime! 

Although I don't know so, I get the feeling Anna has been Kept, without knowing if the man or men were married. I want to say that many women have experienced being in a extra-marital relationship for a while, didn't like it or did, but the experience didn't stop them from one day having a career or a legal marriage if they wanted one.

I will admit, though, that while I watched dozens of Anna Bey videos, the thought kept running through my head, "Is she a Mistress? She'd be a good lifestyle coach for Mistresses." The reason was primarily because of her emphasis on obtaining a partner, a man, who does help a woman financially, that also helps her - as she helps him - "level up," a term I get while wishing there was a better way to put it.

Why not aspire to better and greater for yourself and your children?

Well, the condemnation of Anna is fierce, and it begins and does not end with the term Gold Digger, which she addresses in one of her videos. She says a Gold Digger is a person only into it for money and her high financial standards do not mean she is one. One rake considers her a "former yacht girl" implying she once lived a life of travel and leisure in exchange for casual sex thereby ruining herself for love. (I think of Groupies and think many of them went for the casual sex without the luxury and in some cases any love. There's a lot of raunchy and not elegant aspects to Rock and Roll.) In an interview with Cosmopolitan magazine in 2018, Anna admitted to having some experience with the jet set and boating scene. A frightening experience lead her to decide she needed to find a better way to partake in the rich life. Implied is that she could've been entrapped. She started as a blogger with a site called Jet Set Babe in about 2012 and expanded from there. 

Other women, who ought to take down their videos now, attacked Anna with claims that she's a fake because they didn't believe she had a man or was living affluently. 

I have a problem with the attitude. You see, if we condemned every person who once was a nobody with nothing but had aspirations and worked hard on themselves we'd be condemning a hell of a lot of people. Most people aren't born with a lot of advantages. We'd be condemning people such as the author of Sex and the Single Girl and a long time Cosmopolitan magazine editor Helen Hurley Brown, who influenced a generation beginning in the 1960's. We could even find fault with First Lady Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis who started out in an elite world but still "leveled up" and believed a woman should do this for her children, not just herself.*

I've also read attacks on Anna from people who seem to think we shouldn't dare try to be more than we got born into; these posters can't be Americans!

Anna has said publicly in interviews that she does not think she could love a man who was poor. That's her honesty. Some people think that way and won't say it. The other side of this is that being obsessed with status can turn a person into a person who's loosing their soul. She is wary of that. She says we are all human, we all make mistakes, and while striving for elegance we must be careful not to get into the perfectionism of elegance extremism.

Another reason I think of Anna as an Honorary Mistress is that she's pragmatic. You see, Anna basically sees femininity in a traditional way, the way until very recently in history most women had to. She sees that it's still a man's world. So some of what she has to say is just what most every older woman I knew growing up thought. Anna isn't "conservative" in thinking her way. (If you think a child needs a daddy, you're conservative.) A man needs to show he can support a woman and a family before he can be in a relationship that could lead to children.

He pays for dates and if he shows off his expensive car to you it's to show you he can support you.

If he is not using some his earnings to help you succeed as a woman, then you may find yourself living like an unmarried woman when "off the market" in marriage to him.

Anna calls the men worth having "high value" men but she also admits that in order to meet wealthy men and keep them you most often have to gain status too. Initially this is about how you look but it's also how you walk and talk, your manners, and the boundaries you set.

Anna Bey, about 35, was born Aija Raty and grew up in Stockholm, Sweden with parents who are professionals. Her mother comes from Russian heritage. After high school, at about 19, she moved to Italy, a country she loves, living in Rome. Her first boyfriend came from money and showed her the good life. She knew she wanted that life. As a self improvement lifestyle coach, she tells her students it takes time to transform. Hers is ongoing. She is multi lingual, has some marketing background, and last summer attended a Swiss "finishing school" to improve her knowledge of entertaining, which she can then pass onto her students.

I will admit, so far I haven't heard Anna talk about being Kept, being a Mistress, or advising women that they should aim for marriage though she has strong ideas about how to avoid bad boys and men who don't treat a woman as his priority. I did find one video where she condemns cheating. Perhaps it's her world view or the words she uses that seem to indicate that she's aware of alternative lifestyles.

Please continue on this month to read about Anna!

C 2021 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

If interested in Helen Gurley Brown or Jackie Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, look for posts about them within this blog's archive using the search feature. 

* In a book written by singer-songwriter Carly Simon who was good friends with Jackie, Jackie advised her to marry up, to think of her children. Carly wrote a book also about her life with ex-husband James Taylor and his Mistress Evie was profiled in this blog.

Research for this month's posts including watching dozens of videos by and about Anna Bey, pro and con, reading internet news articles, as well as looking at her web sites, images, and so on. Interviews she willing did tended to be headlined to sensationalize, and gave me the impression she was not being reported accurately or heard. She is not a matchmaker, for instance, nor is she a dating coach and in upleveling she's guiding you on how to have a better life, not guaranteeing a woman will marry a billionaire.