SHOULD HE TELL HIS WIFE THAT HE'S BISEXUAL AND HELPING ANOTHER MAN FINANCIALLY? OPINION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

I thought I was happily married for years and then I met "Roger." Roger races cars.  He takes risks I couldn't.  He needed sponsorship and I provided it, with my wife's knowledge.  Then it turned into something more, something unexpected.  I still enjoy sex with my wife.  With Roger I'm careful. I can afford to help him financially, so from my own income I've been helping him more.  I'm in love with two people in two different ways.  What am I going to do? 

Down Low in Memphis

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Off to therapy you go, but you'll have to find a therapist who specializes in sexuality.  I know you're feeling really intense and maybe you're going to have two enduring relationships or maybe you just think so and will someday look back and think of Roger as an experiment.

These days lots of people, especially young people, experiment with their sexuality,  Maybe you never did.  My point is that I don't think one relationship with someone of the same gender proves you're bisexual or homosexual, not necessarily.  I think exploring in a qualified therapist's office may make things easier on you. 

For some people there is the "a - HA!" moment when they just know.  For instance one of my women friends told me that when she was 5 she saw another girl on the playground and felt an attraction. The girl was interested in the boys playing basketball so my friend decided she should be a boy and play basketball.  Today she considers herself bisexual but 90% of her relationships are with men, and she says that because she wants children that works for her. Being bi-sexual does not mean you have to have two people in your life at one time.

As for the money issue, my opinion is that if all the money in the marriage is split by the two people in it, each should get to spend some of their "own" money as they want to.  However, most married people seem to keep track of their spouses spending.  At some point I think you will probably have to make a decision to stay or go or have both people in your life, if they both agree. Your wife deserves to know of this change in your relationship with her, because she agreed to be married to one person, and makes her own decision about how she wants to live her life, with or without you.  I think you may want to include her in on your therapy sessions. 

I wish you the best.  Your situation isn't so unusual.

Missy


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All Rights Reserved

ONE MAN IN NINE IS SEVERELY and VIOLENTLY ABUSED BY A DOMESTIC PARTNER

NCADV a GRASSROOTS ADVOCACY FOR ABUSED PEOPLE

EXCERPT: One in Nine men experience severe intimate partner physical violent, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and /or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post traumatic stress disorder, use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases....

OK - the stats on this site are frightening.

Learn more by visiting it. 

MEN VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SEEK HELP TOO LATE

REUTERS : MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SEEK HELP TOO LATE

EXCERPT:  Along with fearing they wouldn't be believed or would be seen as weak, men often stayed in abusive relationships because they felt committed to or concerned about their partners.  In other cases, they were too depressed, despondent, or traumatized to gather the strength to leave. ... Furthermore, victims were often unaware that services for them existed.  And when they did know about interventions, they didn't believe the interventions were likely to be helpful.  Some of the findings suggest that separate services are needed for men.  Portraying domestic violence services as a space for women survivors can be a barrier to help-seeking by men, the authors point out. 


***

Missy here.
I wonder how many men who are abused by their wives or girlfriends respond to it by seeking a romance elsewhere. 

ANGEL FLIGHT WEST : VOLUNTEER PILOTS FLY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVORS TO RELOCATION DESTINATION FREE

ANGEL FLIGHT WEST  Volunteer pilots and their support network arrange free relocation flights for domestic violence survivors across the3 twelve Western States. (They also fly medical transport missions, assist military personnel, work to move blood, organ, and tissue donations to the right spots, and fly transplant recipients...

A phone number is 888 426-2643

FRAMED BY BARS

NEW PRESIDENT

 

NUGENTS GRANDDAUGHTER OBJECTS TO HOW MARJORIE WAS PORTRAYED IN FILM

DALLAS MORING NEWS : BERNIES FAMILY HELPED SEND HIM BACK TO PRISON by Brandi Grissom

Excerpt: "You want to take everything about my family and make it dirty and nasty, but the truth is, that is what you are," she said Friday in the courtroom where a jury declared that Tiede must return to prison.  "You, sire, are nothing to me. You took my grandmother's life.  You took the last years of her life and you stole her money.  But you know what her legacy is? It's my family."

Note : Shanna was a teenager when her grandmother was murdered.

WEARING THE ORANGE

 

A SECRETIVE BERNIE TIEDI : SEXUAL ABUSE AS A CHILD - PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE BY THE WOMAN HE MURDERED

 TEXAS MONTHLY : BERNIE TIEDI NOW (2016) by Skip Hollensworth  "BERNIE IN HELL"

In this article, circa 2016, in Texas Monthly, writer Skip Hollensworth displays his conflicting thoughts and feelings about Bernie Tiedi.  I'm excerpting the points I think are most important.  Missy

... Tiedi quickly confessed, stating that he had initially enjoyed being around Nugent until she became "very hateful, " very possessive over my life" and "evil and wicked."  He admitted that he had been fantasizing about hitting her over the head with a bat but had ended up shooting her because he "didn't want her to suffer."

... Toward the end of the trial, he testified that he had loved Nugent even though life with her had been like "being in prison to some degree. . . being smothered"  He said that he'd never actually planned to kill her, despite what he'd said in his confession, and that when he'd done so, he'd felt as if he had watched himself pickup a gun and start firing.

... During her investigation, Cole discovered that among the items police had taken from Tiede's house after his arrest were four books on childhood sexual abuse.  She went to see Tiedi, and he eventually - and reluctantly - told her that he had endured years of molestation as a boy at the hands of an uncle, information that he had never revealed to his original lawyer.

... Cole asked a prominent Houston forensic psychiatrist named Richard Pesikoff to interview Tiede.  Based on their conversation, Pesikoff issued a report concluding that Tiede's "ability to repress and compartmentalize the abusive events from childhood and adolescence was ultimately overwhelmed by the repeated and extensive psychological abuse he suffered from Ms. Nugent."

ONE SIDE OF THE BERNIE TIEDI STORY : HE WAS NOTHING LIKE IN THE MOVIE

TRIBTALK ORG : BERNIE WAS NOTHING LIKE THE MOVIE  by Shanna Nugent - a grand-daughter of the murder victim Marjorie Nugent.

OK - I was not alone in believing the film.  After all, the film influenced the court system to give Bernie Tiedi another trial.  This article, however, reflects the other side, the opposite opinion, and it's well written and compelling.

EXCERPT:

 "I had thoughts of hitting Marjorie in the head with a bat or anything for a couple of months prior to November 19, 1996, but I did not want her to suffer. ... Marjorie had a rifle in the freezer closet. ... I had moved the rifle into the bathroom near the garage.  She had walked out into the garage towards my car.  I took the rifle and shot Marjorie in the back.  She fell face first.  Marjorie was still breathing heavily, so I shot her again.  I may have shot her one more time.  I did not want her to suffer.  I then dragged Marjorie by the feet from the garage to the freezer.  I had taken the food from the freezer. I placed her into the freezer and covered her with the food.  I took a water hose and washed the blood from the garage.  I swept up the bullets alone with some leaves and threw them away."

Our family implores the public to remember Marjorie Nugent's murder this way, by the facts.

When my grandmother met Tiedi, our family was glad she had a friend.  Her husband of 53 years had just passed away, and my family was living in Amarillo.

When our family didn't agree with her about Tiede's role in her financial affairs, it strained our relationship.  Tiedi proceeded to ostracize us, as well as her friends and advisers who tried to provide her with support.  We believe she grew suspicious and concerned about the state of her financial accounts toward the end of her life.  Did this play into her murder? We may never know, but I believe this resulted in her murder...

THE JUDGES GAVEL and IT IS DONE!

BERNIE : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

Billed as a comedy, this film will appeal to your dark sense of humor.  It's starring Jack Black as Bernie Tiedi and Shirley Maclaine as Marjorie Nugent, the murder victim, as  well as Matthew McConaughey as Buck Davidson, the local prosecutor who takes the murder trial to another county because Bernie is too well loved in Carthage, Texas.  I loved the testimonials of gossipy townspeople throughout.

TEXAS TRIBUNE: BERNIE MOVIE LEADS TO BERNIE'S FREEDOM


NEW YORK TIMES : BERNIE RELEASED TO DIRECTOR'S GARAGE

SCALES OF AMERICAN JUSTICE

BERNIE TIEDI : ABUSED and CONTROLLED KEPT MAN OR MURDEROUS CON ARTIST?

BERNHARDT "BERNIE" TIEDE

1958 - ALIVE

I'm always searching for Kept Men I can elect as Mantress of the Month and profile here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot.  This man, Bernie Tiede, is of interest to us because his story is so unusual.  Suspected by some of being homosexual, his Keeper a much older woman, the definition of Kept goes slippy-slidy.  Was he actually her companion/care-giver without a monthly paycheck with husband privileges?  Did he earn all those vacations and first class dinners and accommodations by being on call 24/7?  Was he an emotionally and psychologically abused partner who no longer knew who he was? Was he punished more than a woman who had done the same might be?

He did confess to her murder...

This high school graduate learned the funeral business as an assistant and moved to the small but proud town of Carthage, Texas, to take a job as a mortician there.  As the film "Bernie" which came out in 2011 reveals, this creative and talented man, who had the artistic touch as a mortician, and who was active in local theater, musicals, and his church, was well loved.  Bernie was so beloved due to his patience and generosity that many locals who were interviewed said that the wealthy Marjorie Nugent  was simply so mean, cheap, greedy, demanding, and unappreciative, that she deserved what she got.  Bernie is, however, serving life in prison.

The story goes that when Nugent's oil man/banker husband died, it was Bernie's funeral home who produced the beautiful funeral. At that point he took pity on the friendless, possibly despised, local woman. If you count compassion and patience as love, bit by bit the frosty woman thawed due to his care and consideration.

Thought by some to be "light in his loafers" (homosexual) Bernie was about 38 to Marjorie's 81 years at the time of her death; So a vast age difference there. Would that in itself mean they were not in love or lovers? Bernie was said to keep the company with a "lot of blue hairs."  Even if he were not homosexual, speculation about any sexuality between he and Marjorie is just that. Some women are still sexual into their elderly years.

Was he Kept? Rarely does a person who does not need to work for a living do "nothing."  (Think of all those housewives!) Though he was excellent at his job, especially "sales," Marjorie either weaned Bernie from his job or demanded at some point in their friendship that he work as her personal assistant. I have yet to read that he earned a paycheck. Couple-like, he traveled with her and lived the good life, which was held against him in court.

At this moment I'm thinking of the actresses who marry their agents. How do we separate what's business and what's personal? How many hours do you put in when you're a stay at home wife and mother? There's the stereotype of Mistresses or Mantress as doing a lot of waiting around, a lot of preening poolside, as they sip on cocktails and work on their beauty or amuse themselves with shopping. If there is anything they do for all this, the stereotype is that it's all about sex. You know from this Blog that's not all it.

Did Marjorie bully her husband?  Why do I doubt it?  Marjorie may have assumed that people only wanted her for her money. She may have tested Bernie. She was said to be controlling, emotionally and verbally abusive, and exactly as other people had found her to be. In the end, after Bernie shot her four times with a rifle, in what might have been a disassociated state, he stuffed her body in her freezer, and then faked that she was alive. 

That he was a funeral director and knew how to preserve a body for a presentation and casketing certainly makes us think twice about that.

Marjorie Nugent was widowed in 1990. In 1991, she changed her will in Bernie's favor.  He was to receive ten million. This left nothing to her family. By 1993 Bernie was with her full time, on call 24/7, to be a kind of "Your Wish Is My Command" genie.  After she died, well, he hadn't quite inherited the money, because no one knew she had died yet. Still, he went on a spending spree. What he spent on, however, was not just for himself.  He gifted a church thousands and made many a local's wishes come true.

He believed in God and in heavenly reward.

Because he was so beloved in Carthage, Bernie Tiedi's murder trial had to go to another county.

He served 16 years and then was let out and lived in the garage apartment of the film-maker; the film was part of the reason he got this second chance. The other reason was that Danny "Buck" Davidson, the Panola County, Texas, District Attorney, who had gone after Bernie Tiedi, had come to think that maybe he'd been too hard on Bernie, the model prisoner.

But instead of having his sentence commuted, or perhaps do another four years,  Bernie went back to prison for life.

While much of this post is depending on the film, which is considered to be a dark comedy and does have its funny moments, I read around Bernie and will present the alternative view this month.

I also plan to  post about MEN who have been ABUSED BY WOMEN. And by the way, I've just learned that horribly abused women who kill their husbands get much longer sentences than men who kill their wives in this country - the United States.

Missy

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