BLACK

 

TALKING TILL SUNRISE : DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and SUICIDE and EATING DISORDERS : SOME PHONE NUMBERS FOR YOU IF YOU NEED THEM!

This month's posts have reminded me that Domestic Violence is not restricted to the poor, as is stereotyped, and that Suicide is not the way to solve emotional and psychological pain.  I want you, my readers, to be as healthy in body and mind as one can be. So I'm going to offer a couple phone numbers that may be the first step to improving your life if you are suffering. Though I don't personally deal with Domestic Violence and have never been Suicidal, friends of mine have been. I'm not making light of these issues at all.

Yes, I've talked on the phone for many hours with a friend who was depressed and in therapy and mostly it was all over a man, a man who was actually a good man but simply working on his PhD. and had little time for women in general, but was just not that interested in her.  They were not having an affair.  Not yet, anyway.  She was obsessed with him and had developed quite a fantasy about what might happen in their relationship simply because they went for coffee and held hands on a walk. I stayed on the phone with her - long distance - until the sun rose and she could call her therapist for an emergency appointment.

We live and learn. All these years later, I have more knowledge and experience, and think I would probably deal with women friends who were in relationships that would never make them happy a bit differently. I never played therapist and suggesting therapy to another person took a long time for me to do. I still think that having a confidant or two is important and that loyalty and faithfulness in friendships is so important. However, sometimes as a close personal friend it takes you a while to realize that your friend who is in such pain needs someone to talk to who has a professional perspective.

I recently met a young woman who told me that talking about your personal life or problems to strangers made it obvious to her that a person needed to be in therapy.  I do not agree with that.  Sometimes disclosure and sharing are exactly how people bond and find out they have some things in common.  (I also found out later that this particular young woman had serious problems such as drug addiction, a petty criminal record, and so on, so she was intensely in to therapy.)  No, a therapist is not a friend!  They are paid professionals with education and experience in the field of psychology.  A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can prescribe medications.  Usually a person sees a therapist first.  (And if you're in therapy and it's not helping, you may need to switch to a different one.) With a friend I'm not able to be objective like a professional might be.

Understanding what is or is not abuse or violence is important just as understanding what is or is not depression rather than just a bad mood or sadness.  

If you find yourself in a relationship or circumstances like Maria Callas did, well, this is 2024 and you don't have to be tortured like Maria. 

988 is the designated number to go right to SUICIDE PREVENTION and CRISIS HOTLINE - and you can SMS (text) with them too.  The previous 988 Lifeline phone number 800-273-8255 will always remain available to people in emotional distress or suicidal crisis.

https://988lifeline.org/current-events/the-lifeline-and-988/

And then there's the NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE

Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service 

800-799-7233  SMS: (Text) BEGIN to 88788

https://www.thehotline.org/

I suspect that Maria Callas had an eating disorder.

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa & Associated Disorders (ANAD): The Helpline 888-375-7767 is open Monday to Friday.

Missy

HOW DOES THIS TOO SWEET MAN BREAK UP WITH THE WOMAN "FRIEND" WHO WON'T TAKE THE HINT

Question for Missy

Hi Missy,

I'm a disabled man in my sixties who can still function sexually but isn't interested in a relationship. I met a lady at the senior center who isn't disabled and have been friends with her for about two years.  At about the year and a half point she started to come on to me.  About six months ago it was her birthday and she said she wanted to have sex with me for her birthday.  I told her no.  I was married for over 30 years and haven't had sex with anyone since my wife died. I told her that.  I still love my wife and always will.  Also I told this woman to stop calling me so much.  Her therapist told her also that she wasn't listening to me when I told her I just wanted the friendship.  I told her that by text, by e-mail, and when we talk. She backed off for a while but the other day we were sitting in the park together and she asked me why I wouldn't have sex with her.  I think I've said it a lot of different ways.  She also says it's not just about sex and that she loves me and would marry me. How do I get her to take the hint?

Roger

Los Angeles

Answer from Missy

Wow Roger, that is a whole lot of not taking the hint. Roger, I think this woman is sexually obsessed with you and you're like a a "love drug" to her.  

You've never had sex with her though she has been after you for it and it sounds like you've been clear with her verbally. Now you must also, through your actions, break with her firmly and consistently. You have to tell her one final time that the two of you are just not on the same page. And this might mean not seeing her around the senior center too.  Are you willing to do that?

If you call her, call her back, or see her for any reason - just the two of you - she will get a dose of her "love drug" and she will not give up on you.

Here are some suggestions:

Even at the senior center be sure that you are not alone with her. Sit with other people at lunch, for instance.

Suggest to her when you do break with her that she join a dating club to meet someone more to her liking.

If you have a friend who you honestly think might make a good companion for her, introduce them.

Your message in Comments, which I do not publish for the Questions and Answers aspect of Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot, also indicates that you hate to lie. I want to suggest that gentle honesty is the best policy, however, because I think she is addicted to you and obsessed, and I've had women friends who were obsessed with men in the past, I know that the slightest suggestion of interest in her would be enough to keep that obsession going. The slightest.  She has a therapist to work with, which is a good thing.

But while musing about how to answer your question, I found a hilarious article on the net that I'm going to link to here.  It's so funny I laughed all the way through.  To you, and my readers, I suggest you click on this link and read this!  It's from GQ magazine and by writer Victoria Coren from 2015.

British GQ MAGAZINE : 20 WAYS TO MAKE HER LEAVE YOU by Victoria Coren Mitchell

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MARIA CALLAS : LA TRAVIATA : 1958 in LONDON

For those of you unfamiliar with opera, I offer you this link to the three acts which were adapted from a play by Dumas by Verdi.   ENO.ORG - OPERAS LA TRAVIATA

About this time Maria, born in 1923 was in her mid-thirties, still wanted a baby, was married but not happily and would face a difficult divorce.

THE RAGGEDY END OF A RELATIONSHIP WITH ARISTOTLE ONASSIS and AN OPERA CAREER: MARIA CALLAS' LIFE ENDS AT ONLY FIFTY THREE

This post wraps up the coverage of Lyndsy Spence's devastating book about the life of Maria Callas though you'll have to read all the details I could not possibly include in this month's dedication to the opera star. 

Betrayed by Aristotle Onassis, Maria Callas accepted that it was over with him. He married Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy and a month later he called her and expected her to pay attention to him. She ignored him and phoned her and then he threatened to drive his car through the gates of her building. So she saw him but remained firm. Though the former First Lady and the Greek Shipping Magnate had a contract that she would spend two nights a week with him (implying sexual agreement) he expected Maria to have sex with him. Maria gathered her strength to consistently reject him.

Callas's career continued to be blotted with interruptions, changes of mind, and various reasons to cancel. She saw that she could not return to the stage because the public would always expect more of her, not less. An extraordinary tragic actress?  Would she shine in a film of Medea? 

A fortune teller told Maria that she would die young but would not suffer. (Her body double's costume caught fire and it was reported it was she! She was also firm in her opinion that her mother and sister were leaches when they called to express concern after hearing of the incident in the media.) For a film she lost weight to go down to130 pounds and also got an eye lift and did her best. Her film debut in 1970 was well received out of respect for her more so than the film. 

It seems that Maria Callas had a harsh awakening but had gained her perspective.

She told reporters that year that Aristotle Onassis had been an addiction and it was over.  Onassis turned himself into the victim and said Jackie made him unhappy and so their dynamic changed and Maria now called what she had with Aristo a platonic passionate friendship. However she was escorted by famous men and gained her more modern and independent outlook, Maria could not give up on the man. Jackie had spent 20 million dollars the first year of their marriage and Aristo was starting to hate his wife, but Maria, who had been with Aristo for nine years, gave in to him again. The marriage contract with Jackie allowed him a mistress!  But when he took up with Jackie again, Maria took an overdose again. She always claimed these were accidental overdoses.  This time the press got word and it was printed in Paris that she had overdosed. She sued to preserve her reputation.

Perhaps at this time Maria Callas' was at the height of her fame. Now the opera star said that she and Aristo were best of friends. Privately she was conflicted about him. She saw that he had a split personality. He said he wanted a divorce from Jackie but was also bound by their marriage contract so he cut her Jackie's allowance and started treating Jackie as he had Maria. Jackie made a life for herself in America as a response.  Maria wanted the world to know how badly Aristo had treated her though.

In 1971 she finally filed for divorce in Italy as a new law had been passed. It was rumored she would marry Onassis, who was also supposed to be filing for divorce. Maria Callas had finally grown into herself, dressed as she wished, wore pants and joked about her fat legs and wore her eyeglasses. Her self-acceptance - self-love - made her stronger to reject Aristo.

She knew some wanted her to come out of retirement and she hesitated and rejected one offer after another for stage and to make films.

She did sing at the Royal Festival Hall in a London Farewell Concert.

You can watch it here.  And as I watched it, I could not help but think that it was almost impossible to believe this woman had lived through so much. Beautiful, graceful and gracious, entirely professional, I can only wish that at some moment in time before her death in 1977, that Maria Callas had a sense of how far she had come and how much she had accomplished. The people around her tormented the perfectionistic Diva but one hopes that she learned to love herself.

Missy

Maria Callas 'London Farewell Concert' at the Royal Festival Hall with Giuseppe di Stefano, 1973

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LAROSA HABANA CUBA

20th CENTURY JEWELRY and THE ICONS OF STYLE : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

Post originally on Mistress Manifesto on May 26, 2018 

With Maria Callas, our opera singer Mistress of Ari Onassis, who was left behind temporarily when he married the windowed First Lady Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy, on the cover, who wouldn't want to see what fabulously expensive gems she owned.  And another of our Mistresses, Wallis Simpson - who became Duchess of Windsor when the King abdicated so he could marry her, is included.  Besides bios of some of the world's wealthiest and arguably most beautiful and accomplished women in the world included (what about that Daisy Fellowes?! Or what about Ganna Walska?!) you might want to page through this one and read the bios but also, as I did, think to yourself, that a piece is gaudy or that you wish you could own a mock-up with cubic zirconia if not the real thing!  I and a friend paged through together and did think a lot of the jewelry was too much, that it overwhelmed the wearer and the dress in most cases.  But something very lovely about this book is that the necklaces, bracelets, earrings, and rings photographed are shown with photographs and paintings of the women wearing the items, putting them in scale, as well as some design sketches done before a single stone was reset.  Now famous jewelers and designers are name dropped in this book as you might expect - Cartier, Van Cleef and Arpels, Boivin. Boucheron, Faberge.  Some of these jewelers remade pieces to update them or to combine the gemstones from more than one old necklace.  (Kind of like my old friend K who wore a diamond ring that used her husband's mother's and grandmother's stones.)  You may decide you like diamonds mixed with turquoise or red coral or not. The tiger motif was very popular apparently.  And then there are the diamonds and pearls that are worth more than you'll earn in a lifetime. As for Onassis, you will find him in this book looking unexpectedly dapper and handsome when he was younger with more society babes than diva Maria.  As for the Duchess of Windsor, who was plain old Wallis Simpson before she made her inroads into British society, those of you who are fascinated with this women will be happy to see photographs of her happy and having a good time and looking radiant and even beautiful; she wasn't always sullen or looking lonely out a window!

Interested in Maria Callas? - in my archives for Maria Callas she is Mistress of the Month for January 2010.
Interested in Wallis Simpson? - Duchess of Windsor - in my archives for Wallis Simpson Windsor, she is Mistress of the Month, August 2010.

MARIA CALLAS: NO PURPOSE IN LIFE - CODEPENDENT - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE : AND THE THREAT OF JACQUELINE BOUVIER KENNEDY

In Italy, Maria Callas' marriage remained valid, making it impossible for her to marry Aristotle Onassis, despite their purposeful but "jokey" lies to the press. Both had the Greek Orthodox church in their heritage and her marriage to Giovanni Battista Meneghini was not recognized by that church, but no matter. At forty-two years old, Maria was without a purpose in her life. She had given up singing. And she gave up her American citizenship and regained her Greek citizenship thinking that might further her desire to legally divorce. Living on the Greek island he owned, Scorpios, Maria could not hide the reality of their failing relationship from staff, Yet on that island, she felt she could hide from the world. Swiss cosmetic treatments did nothing to help Maria have Aristotle exclusively. Her desperation to have him was not attractive and on Scorpios he gave her a beating so bad she feared for her life.

Maria Callas kept forgiving and making excuses for Aristotle Onassis' behavior. Aristo was not in good physical condition, which worried Maria, and he was also abusing sleeping pills, drinking heavily, and giving himself steroids and taking other medications that he thought would improve his virility. Having overdosed herself in suicide attempts, Aristo's alcohol, cigarettes, and all the rest gave reason for her worry.

 

By the summer of 1966, Maria knew the relationship was ending. Aristo was still feuding with Ranier III over Monaco but also part of the Paris social scene. Onassis did not regard her or treat her as if she were his wife but as a courtesan. He felt no obligation towards her and wanted her to be independent of him. The press reported that they had split. In Venice, Italy, on the beaches of Spain, and on the ship, the Christina, she was no longer at his side. He might have purchased an apartment for her in Paris, though to save face she said she had bought it herself, but Ari hosted a dinner for Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy in that city.  No other woman, from long ago or the near past was a bigger rival to Maria than Jackie. No doubt Maria lived around Aristo and for Aristo, but why didn't he set her free?

That is my question. Why was he so sadistic and mean that he wanted to break the will of one of the most talented and well known women in the world, while he pursued another?  He could be overly affectionate of Maria in public and then abandon her to visit with Jackie.  Maybe his judgement was clouded by lust but he proposed marriage to Jackie, negotiated with her brother-in-law Ted Kennedy for a financial settlement upfront; Aristo suggesting $3 million, she suggesting $20 million. He married Jackie.

Meanwhile Maria left for Las Vegas, where she overdosed. Then to Mexico, where she overdosed again. Maria Callas was falling apart psychologically, emotionally, and physically.

Onassis told Jackie he would protect her. To others he claimed to be behind the assassination of President John F. Kennedy's brother Robert Kennedy.  Author Lyndsy Spence writes that Jackie was romantically involved with Robert at one time after the assassination. Onassis had been romantically involved with her sister, then Princess Lee Radzwill. The twists and turns of the involvements of these strong personalities is truly a Greek drama or perhaps the plot of a tragic opera. 

We see that exquisite pain is not reserved for the poor.

Missy

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MARIE CALLAS : "GOD HAS GIVEN ME TWO BIG CROSSES TO CARRY" : AN UNDERSTATEMENT IF THERE EVER WAS ONE!

In this post I'm conscious of developing some strong opinions about Maria Callas and her life. - Missy

In chapters 14 - 15 of Lyndsy Spence's book, we learn just how horrible the relationship between Maria Callas and Aristotle Onassis was, an on and off again relationship in which he challenged her belief that it would work out in the end with affairs with other women, including Princess Lee Radziwill, the sister of First Lady Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy, and then Jackie herself. Maria Callas came to realize that the man she called "Aristo" was a liar and manipulator who exaggerated his stories of his dramatic life for effect. This book gives us a devastating account of domestic violence and madness. Why did Maria allow Aristo to treat her with disrespect? He even beat Maria, sometimes badly. Was she so influenced by old Greek attitudes of how men treat women, how husbands treat wives?

In 1962, Maria was thirty-eight and had devoted her life to developing her operatic voice and her career. She wanted to be married to Aristo but was also always conscious of trying to have some control over her public image and the media. He played her like a yo-yo. When she said that God had given her two big crosses to carry, she meant her mother and her husband.  I'd add to that her father, her sister, Aristotle, the media, personalities associated with the opera including competitors, the courts, and people in the record making business, her ongoing struggles with weight and appearance and low self-esteem. There seemed to be no part of her life was peaceful.

Maria Callas began to give less than stellar performances, and to face that her career as a singer would be ending, yet there were options for recording (making records) and the possibility of staring in a film which also faltered. She would give her last opera performance at the age of forty-two.

This began an era in which Onassis wrangled to keep control of the principality of Monaco while Prince Ranier III prevailed. Onassis spun his web of deceit not only on Maria Callas, but on Princess Lee Radziwill, as he aimed to have the ultimate trophy wife -  Lee's sister, Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy.  Aristo believed that all women had sex for money and it was only a matter of how much.  He gave mistresses bracelets worth thousands as a goodbye gifts. Eventually he would give such a bracelet to Lee.

Maria Callas may have been a hypochondriac or she might have dealt with sexist doctors who made little of her complaints. She had surgeries for abdominal hernias and, in 1963, there's a possibility that she had another pregnancy or abortion, though this may have just been a rumor as she gained weight.

As her Mother continued to create embarrassment for her in order to financially gain from Maria, Maria and Aristo both seemed to have spoken to the media in ways that were not just from concern about reputation, but also to manipulate each other. They were co-dependent in this way and also, eventually, in the use and overuse of prescription drugs. While Mother was clearly unstable and wicked, something I felt conscious of as I listened to the audiobook is that Maria herself is cast as having to live with so much turmoil but is not outright called mentally ill or unstable herself.  I think she was, and I say that conscious of stereotypes of women, strong women, women who have earned their status and money, who are demanding. Was she independent? Emotionally she seems needy and dependent on the approval of Aristo.

Maria would eventually be emotionally blackmailed into providing some financial support to both her parents, and her mother was willing to attempt suicide to accomplish this. However, Maria seems to have been a hysteric; she too would attempt suicide a few times over Aristo.

Staff, including those aboard his ship, the Christina, were aware of Maria and Aristo as a couple, how they went from holding hands to have arguments, how he sailed without her or got her off the ship because another woman was taking a cruise with him. He would sometimes have Maria on board with her rivals, such as Princess Lee Radzwill, and then make a show of ignoring her. He disappeared for long periods of time when he did not contact her. Perhaps one of the most evil things Aristo did to Maria was play on her insecurities about her body, her weight, and her loss of weight, as she likely developed an eating disorder to become thin and then he'd claim to be attracted to bigger women. At one point she was keeping track of what she ate, each gram of food, knowing that the tiny feminine Princess was his ideal. (Actually he liked androgynous  women.) Author Lyndsy Spence writes that Onassis was also a good customer of the prostitutes of Parisian Madame Claude.

Though Maria was capable of self-support and earned well enough to afford Swiss clinic cures, an elaborate and plentiful wardrobe, world travel, and the support of her parents, Aristotle Onassis was significantly richer. Like a Classic Mistress, Maria was gifted a Paris apartment, though she lived with him in his. She wore the clothes he bought for her.  Because her career decline coincided with her desire to be available to Aristo when he called upon her to cruise, she came and went as he wanted, often waiting for his attention. As the press demanded to know where the relationship stood, at different times both Maria and Aristo claimed they would marry and then said it was a joke.

Their relationship was co-dependent. It was also volatile. Aristo provoked Maria and manipulated her. She screamed at him in front of friends and business associates. Before Onassis screaming had been limited to what she wanted out of the operas she performed in. 

Maria lied to herself about her relationship with this destructive and cruel man, who wanted to even the score with Robert Kennedy, the Senator and brother of President John F. Kennedy.  Had Aristo used Princess Lee to get to Jackie? 

Even as he courted the widowed Jackie after the assassination of her husband, JFK, and showed her his private island Scorpios, Aristo did not let Maria go. It's my feeling that her adoration for him was something he needed. 

When her voice cracked during a performance and she started over, Onassis went backstage to congratulate her on her courage. As she attempted suicide in Paris, he found her and walked her around the apartment to keep her alive. But he had provoked her. That was when she found a love letter and gift of jewelry meant for Lee.

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MARIA CALLAS - TOSCA

DIVA INDEED!

Originally posted  August 29, 2010

MARIA CALLAS : METAMORPHASIS : THE END OF MARRIAGES andTHE BEGINNINGS OF A DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIP WITH ARISTOTLE ONASSIS

In her early thirties, soprano opera star Maria Callas finally lost the weight  that had plagued her and became fashionable. On stage she wore gorgeous costumes but it was now the time in her life to dress for her fans, the international public. In 1954 Maria went to a Swiss clinic where she accepted a new type of weight loss medical treatment; Special shots to stimulate the weight loss and injections into her thyroid. She lost 140 pounds and developed an hour-glass figure. She also had her teeth capped and surgery to slim her upper arms and lift her eyes. She had spa treatments like massages and facials. But the more fascinating fiction was the rumor that she had swallowed a tape worm in a glass of champagne out of desperation!

Then Maria Callas went out shopping and bought in excess. She possessed hundreds of dresses, hats, and shoes.

She was recording. She was performing. Her new beauty attracted to her even more men fans. Yet she was very married, and by the Italian way of thinking, however her confidence improved with her appearance, however "flirty" she might be at times, she was off limits.  Even if her marriage was one of "convenience" and her husband was rumored to go for fat prostitutes?

By 1949, Maria may have reached her most commanding and demanding phase, the Diva phase, you could say. She was having issues with her contracts, lawsuits had started to fly, and she was cast in the press as not just difficult, but a tyrant. However, she was also doing interviews and performances on television. Would we in our feminist consciousness think she was too demanding? Hadn't she earned the right to defy her husband as agent?

Her reason for living was singing but, some realized that her voice was in decline. After years of training and exercise, the sour or shrill note was noticed. In the 1958-1959 contract era, Maria Callas was fired from the Metropolitan, the opera company in New York that had been her goal in coming to America all those years before because she hesitated to sign the contract. However, she made appearances in many other cities in America and Europe and these productions might not have been the Met, but they were sold out.

And Maria Callas still wanted a child. Time was running out. She spoke of remarrying after her husband died just as rumors that she was infertile swirled. She was married when, after a performance, she met Aristotle Onassis and his much younger wife, Tina, who invited them to sail on the Christina, the Onassis pleasure ship. This first invitation was declined. Aristo's marriage with Tina had been breaking before he met Maria. Tina had two children with Aristotle but was bored with the jet set life style and her husband's abuse.

A society hostess, Elsa Maxwell, got herself into the situation, encouraging the two towards each other, and told Maria to take everything in life that was offered her. Meanwhile, Onassis' attitude towards love was that all women eventually had sex for money - so to speak.  Not outright cash but in exchange for jewelry, gifts, travel. He pursued Maria, claiming he was married in name only. She was flattered to be pursued by a man with such ardor, passion and intensity.  Maria began to have serious problems with her husband who she now considered to have been pimping her - as her manager. As confrontations with her husband increased, Maria was also not taking Aristo's calls. However, she well knew that the Italian attitude laws regarding divorce put her at a terrible disadvantage and then there was her career and reputation both as a woman and an artist.

The Principality of Monaco figured into the romance. The tiny principality might not have been officially owned by Onassis but he owned the casino and so the income into Monaco. And his boat, the Christina, named after his only daughter, was docked in Monaco.

Another invitation to cruise came from Onassis, who had the famous British Winston Churchill and his family aboard the Christina. This time Maria Callas and her husband, Giovanni Battista Meneghini, accepted the invitation.

Maria Callas and Aristotle Onassis had things in common. They spoke Greek together. She laughed at his jokes. They dined alone. The two of them went to a holy site of the Greek Orthodox church, the religion they both were raised in, knelt together, and received a blessing: Maria would consider this to be like a marriage. (Though not divorced, her Italian marriage was not recognized by the Greek Catholic Church.) Then, it was clear to others on the Christina that Aristo and Maria were having an affair. Tina Onassis used the situation to her advantage in asking for a divorce from Aristotle. But, had Maria misunderstood her seduction?  Aristo had told her of his sexual exploits and at the end of the cruise he gave her a bracelet which was his way when he was through with a mistress.

Ten years younger than her husband, but still an "older man," Aristo became Maria's obsession. Back home in Milan she immediately asked her Giovanni for a divorce. Since she was an American citizen, Maria wanted to have a fast American divorce, which, at the time, was fastest in the state of Alabama. (Tina Onassis too would consider Alabama.) Maria's husband was not going to let her go easily.  He showed his character by using threats of International shame to keep her married to him. To the public she stated that Onassis had nothing to do with the divorce. Maria's horrible mother threatened to put a curse on her, again not concerned with her daughter's happiness, only that Maria continue to earn and keep her family in money. As rumors of the affair became international, Maria threatened to kill her mother.

Was Ari the real reason for demanding a divorce - finally - when her marriage had been a disappointment to her as a woman? According to Lyndsy Spence, whose book Cast a Diva, is the prime reference for my posts this month, here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot, Maria did become pregnant by Aristotle Onassis.

I'm aware from other books that this has been a controversial question.  Some suggest that Maria had a baby in secret and the child was adopted.

In 1959 Giovanni Battista Meneghini did file for a legal separation from Maria Callas.  The Italian law was in his favor and if she remarried without an Italian divorce, she might be considered a bigamist. Italy had been of great importance to her opera career. She worried that if she had a child, her husband would take it from her. Onassis wanted her to have an abortion and it was rumored his wife, Tina, had abortions as well. Maria had wanted a child for years and so it must have been crushing when, around her fourth month, she either had an abortion or a miscarriage.

In Monaco Arstoi and Maria and been photographed dancing together. She announced that they would marry, which he dismissed as a joke. By 1961, Onassis had gone on cruises on the Christina without Maria but also with her. There were opinions that she was loosing her voice, but could any opera singer go on for decades? Onassis became verbally abusive of Maria, and it was her weight and her looks, the things she had so little confidence because of, that he picked on.

It occurs to me that Onassis was one to enjoy the pursuit of a woman and that Maria seems to have been far more serious about him than he was to her. Did he ever actually love her?

I will continue on in the next posts about Maria Callas and Aristotle Onassis...

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CIGAR

 Ari Onassis, rich as a Greek shipping magnate,

 was a true cigar aficionado, 

rarely seen without a habano between his fingers.

MARIA CALLAS : MARRIED TO GIOVANNIE BATTISTA MENEGHINI : FROM SUCCESS IN ITALY TO ARGENTINA : SHE WANTED A BABY MORE THAN HER CAREER

Maria Callas and  Italian, Giovannie Battista Meneghini: The couple were married from 1949 to 1959. They met when she began to succeed in Italy as an opera singer. Giovanni was an older man and quite rich - an industrialist. He took control of her career, gave her love and career support - at least at the beginning, and sent her off to South America, but denied her a child she wanted. In fact, their marriage might not have been sexual. During their marriage, Maria went by the name Maria Megneghini Callas.  

Married in a traditional way, to Giovannie Battista Meneghini, Maria considered herself her husband's property. He remained in Italy when she began her work in the opera in Argentina in 1951. In Italy, early in her marriage, Maria intended to be something of a homemaker, collecting recipes and setting the table. She wanted a baby but Giovanni said to become pregnant would mean loosing a year of her career. She wanted a baby anyway and was reluctant to continue to sing. Still, the opera singer fulfilled her contracts. 

Hard on herself, Maria didn't like her own voice and dowdy looks. She didn't shave her legs. She walked without gracefulness. Her weight continued to be an issue. 

On top of all that self-loathing were the selfish manipulations of her mother and sister. Her mother was typically unsympathetic, accusing her of not caring about her own family. They said she owed the public. Maria's mother continued to emotionally abuse her, claiming that Maria owed it to her to give her "joy." Her father worked various jobs and was accused of being a lay-about by her mother but Maria ignored his faults while her mother hammered the point that he was a good-for-nothing. Then there was her mother's illness and lack of any health insurance. While her parents remained married in name only, Maria dreaded the idea of actually having to live with either of them again. It's clear that they wanted her to not only have a career, but earn the money to support them, and didn't care about what would give her personal joy. Mother wanted a monthly allowance but Maria gave gifts and repaid loans. Mother wanted Maria to buy them a house and upgrade their lifestyle. Her sister's demands added to the pressure. Marie was emotionally blackmailed by her family. She thought her mother was still able to earn herself a living, if only she chose to.

In 1950, Mexico City, Maria suffered heart palpitations, breathing issues, sleeplessness, and other ailments. Was it all psychological?  

Maria Callas would give another decade to the marriage and her career but the tangle of divorce may have been initiated because she met the man she considered, in today's way of thinking, as her soul mate, the one she was meant for : Aristotle Onassis, the Greek born, Argentina based multimillionaire who had worked his way up into shipping. A megalomaniac with disturbing ideas about women and how women should be treated, "Aristo" would increasingly become Maria's reason for living as he career declined.

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GLASS

 

MARI CALLAS BECOMES FAMOUS - NAZI OCCUPIED GREECE and THE LIBERATION CHALLENGE HER PERSONALLY : HER ATTITUDE ABOUT LOVE

From Chapter 3 and 4 of Lyndsy Spence's audiobook... My notes!  (In this we learn about Maria's take on love and marriage.)

Maria Callas, living in Greece, was already considered an artist and local star in 1943 when she sang at a benefit concert. Recognize in the streets, there was constant speculation about what man would become hers. She dealt with a seriously dysfunctional family, the demands of her superiors and the jealousy and gossip of her rivals at the opera. It is known that she had a romance with a man who she had known for a year, the son of a multi-millionaire who wined and dined her. Maria, whose sister was a Mistress being Kept by a man who supported her and her mother as well, did not want to feel obligated to return the "favors" in a sexual way. Her career was the most important thing to her. Like all of us, Maria was living through history, and in the Spring of 1944 the Nazi occupiers of Greece owned the National Opera. As she succeeded there were rumors that she was involved with an officer or a collaborator. She was in a terrible position. Sleeping with the enemy could put any woman in danger. Any woman living in that time and place was in danger of rape. The Greeks thought the German women were whores and the Germans were thought by the Italians to be barbarians... In tears due to accusations, she threatened to resign from the National Opera. But in October of 1944, came Liberation when the British and American troops came into Greece and Greece-based groups like the National Liberation Front and National People's Liberation Army took part in getting rid of the Nazi Germans. Dating but nothing serious, Maria, her family - most people, faced one of the worst winters in history.

Despite her career, the budding star was in danger of starvation. Having money didn't help because it was worthless. She saw a man die of starvation in front of her. National Opera members who had been collaborators were executed. Women who were collaborators - or suspected to be - had their heads shaved and were raped as punishment... The National Opera was closed. Then the Communists came into the mix and threatened to kill Maria and her mother and sister.  At one point they were down to a box of beans.

So there was Maria, who had struggled with eating and her weight, starving and afraid. Her mother found a job working as a Greek-English translator. But they were living in the "red zone" a dangerous area, and it was easy to be accused of something and pay the price, fair or not.  They lived without heat or electricity, behind drawn curtains, and burning rags for some heat during that brutally cold winter.  Finally a boy disguised as a vendor came to the house to bring Maria out of the "red zone" and into the British white zone. She left and the boy returned for her mother.  In the "white zone" she was able to wash in hot water and eat.  Though in 1945 peace was somewhat restored half a million refugees came into Athens.

Because Maria Callas was raised without a father in her life, there is speculation that this lead to her looking for a father figure in her romances.  She did begin a romance with an opera star who was about fifteen years older than she but denied going to bed with him.  He was married and already had a mistress as well, with whom he had two children. She was on friendly terms with both his wife and his mistress!  Sexual freedom was not a problem for him but she said she was an old fashioned woman.  In an ethereal way, Maria thought love was a kind of purification of the soul.  When he asked her to be his mistress, Maria declined. As she saw it a man might have more than one woman but a woman only had one man... She said she was not about to take him from two women and that she had to have to love with head and heart and only then could have sex. Her mother had a far away husband and a lover.  Her sister was a mistress. What was to happen for Maria? Despite the limitations that this friendship-romance presented, it ended badly, suggesting that Maria and the man were emotionally passionate.

When Maria was demoted at the National Opera and took a pay cut, something jealous rivals at the opera wanted, she secretly plotted her way back to the city of her birth - New York - and sought to make her dream of performing at the Metropolitan Opera true.

She had been secretly writing with her father since 1942 and when he became an American citizen, so did Maria. So, while she accepted the National Opera of Athens and signed a year contract with them in May of 1946, in August she went to the American Embassy where she was recognized as an American.  Still, she had to fund her travel somehow. So she leased a theater and did a farewell concert to earn the money.  She left with a couple dresses and not a cent in her pocket.  A loan from the United States government paid for her travel.

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MARIA CALLAS : HER TEACHER-MENTOR NEGOTIATES FOR HER BUT INSISTS SHE IS TOO FAT : THE YOUNG MARIA LIVES THROUGH WARTORN GREECE

Chapter 3 of Lyndsy Spence's book, Cast a Diva, delves on the very beginnings of Maria Callas' professional career and with the demands of her teacher-mentor at the Athens Conservatory, where she was as a scholarship student of sorts. Because she still needed income, Maria later stated - though the teacher-mentor later denied this - that lodging with the woman meant paying for the roof over her head with housekeeping and dog walking duties. While the Diva-in-training dreamed of someday singing at the Metropolitan Opera in New York City, where she had been born, her teacher threatened to dump her as a student if she did not improve her appearance. Loose weight, dress better, fix your hair; these were the expectations.  After all, she was being groomed to be a star.

This same teacher-mentor advocated for her to have income from the Greek National Opera, where she was signed for two years. Maria was to have a job - a steady income - and have her voice protected as she studied by not appearing in their productions. It was a way to get her in and expose the student to the behind-the-scene ways of the opera. Her contract was negotiated as she continued to study at the Athens Conservatory and live with her teacher-mentor. The teenager's career was being carefully managed or she was being controlled.

Her first advocate, her mother, Litsa, complained that Maria only spent her income on music, pastries, and ice cream and was out of control of her eating, just as her teacher-mentor arranged for her to have hairdressing, manicures, and dress making. 

Then war interfered in everyone's lives. In late October 1940, when Maria was about seventeen, the Italians invaded Greece and the Greco-Italian War began. Maria and her family thought to flee to Cairo, Egypt, but Maria was an American citizen and not allowed to leave Athens, which was relatively safe. She was called "That American Bitch" as she began to realize her own talent and fight for herself. She did get parts in the opera in Athens, despite her teacher-mentor's pleas that she be "protected." Then World War II began when in 1941 Germany invaded. When there was a bombing and air-raid sirens went off, the sensitive Maria would vomit. They stayed in Athens.

Still under the age of eighteen, having conspired with her mother to lie about her age, Maria did not report to the Conservatory when she was sexually assaulted and almost raped by a fellow student (never identified).  At home her mother was not sympathetic, only mentioning that if he had raped her then she would have had to marry him and end her career.

Such attitudes are crazy-making to us in Western culture in 2024, but are not unfamiliar to all of us who have experienced some form of sexual harassment during our careers. 

Her world was small. At the conservatory other students called Maria fat and ugly and boys teased her as unattractive. Her mother continued to sew Maria clothing. Maria might have been eating out of garbage cans. In the 1941-1942 era there were food shortages, rationing, hunger. The family ate bread. This too could put weight on and gave Maria the appearance she was not famished. Olive oil and potatoes were procured on the black market by the man who was Keeping her sister and the family. There was always rumor about who was a collaborator because someone had food. People began to die of starvation and eat horses and donkeys.

The Nazi's took control of the National Opera and then Maria lost her contract and income. She had borrowed money from them and then later that year she was reinstated and given the opportunity to be an understudy. Those who had been so mean to her were kept out of the loop.

It was snowing and cold and there was no heating fuel.  The Red Cross reported it. Jews were deported from Thessalonika. 

Yet, opera went on, three hundred miles from Athens, in Thessalonika, where there was begging and prostitution. Maria's virtue was suspect.  So was her sister's and mother's.  Were they involved with Italian officers? Maybe Maria fell in love with an officer? Or perhaps Maria simply was gifted and had not succeeded against all odds without being touched? It's believed that she came home with money for singing for the Italians, though her own mother assumed it was from prostitution.

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THE MARIA CALLAS ROSE

Yes, a rose was developed and named after Maria Callas.  

Also known as the Miss All American Beauty

it is described as full had having at least 41 petals,

a hybrid with an intense perfume, 

and a bloom up to six inches.

 

MARIA CALLAS : WE REVISIT THE GREATEST OPERA SINGER - DIVA and MISTRESS OF SHIPPING MAGNATE ARI ONASSIS

Mistress Manifesto, as a Google Blog, began in 2009 and, before I got up to speed, I chose Maria Callas as my Mistress of the Month. These days I feel that this dynamic woman deserves more and better coverage, especially as actress Angelina Jolie chose to portray her in film. So I will repost a couple items from the past and continue on with the book Cast a Diva by Lyndsy Spence, which will be the primary references for this month's posts.

Maria Callas was a famous and esteemed opera singer, some say the greatest, called The Queen of the Opera during her career, who had a soprano voice and three octave range; She is also known for her dramatic vocal interpretations. She was  born in the United States as an American to Greek immigrant parents but thought of as Greek because of her heritage and because the she went back to Greece with her mother and sister as a pubescent teen and there began her voice training. (Eventually she would give up her American citizenship and become a Greek citizen again while desperate for a divorce.) As a teen, she had entered talent contests and appeared on amateur hours, was made to lie about her age, and borrowed records from the library to imitate other opera singers.

Beyond a stellar career, Maria Callas is known as the Mistress of the Greek shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis, a reportedly fiery relationship. Did she want to marry Ari? I've always heard that to be true and it's something we will certainly explore. Onassis was married, divorced, and went on to marry the ultimate prize perhaps, the widow Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy, wife of the assassinated United States President, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, though they divorced famously as well. Maria had also been married, to an older man who took advantage of her and had been divorced. Maria was Onassis' mistress before and, other books have stated, during his marriage with Jackie. 

Cast a Diva - The Hidden Life of Maria Callas by Lyndsy Spence, is not the first book I found interesting by author Spence. She also wrote a book about Doris Delevingne called The Mistress of Mayfair, which I reference here when I elected Doris to be Mistress of the Month in August of 2018. This month however, I will be posting based on chapters as I'm listening to the audiobook while also taking notes. Cast a Diva is reviewed on various book sites on the Internet as presenting Callas as a feminist icon; wonder if I will agree with that notion? That said, Maria Callas has also been associated with tragedy - personally and publicly.

Image from Wikimedia

I think Maria Callas was distinctively beautiful.

MARIA CALLAS

Maria Cecelia Sophia Anna Kalogeropoulos

1923 (New York) - 1977 (Paris)

The early years of the life of Maria Callas were not easy or simple and had a profound effect on her psychology. Her parents were Greek immigrants to New York City in 1923. Maria's pharmacist father had career difficulties as an immigrant and her parents did not get along. It's suggested that her father was a womanizer or that her mother, "Litsa" thought herself and her family to be above his in status. Maria's mother decided that her two daughters were essential to her survival and the three of them went back to Greece in 1937, basically ditching her husband and their father. So Maria had little to no parenting by her father from that point. Her husband, Giovanni Battista Memeghini was an older man, and so was Aristotle Onassis. I can't help but wonder if she was vulnerable to older men because her father was so distant.

Maria's mother was emotionally abusive to her and there were serious questions about her mental health with suggestions that she was unstable, a narcissist, had borderline personality disorder or even schizophrenia. A brother had died and her mother wanted another son so Maria was an unwanted daughter. Maria had an older sister, Yakinthi, and their mother forced the girl into a relationship with a man, to become a Mistress to someone who would not only Keep her but financially help the whole family. This man supported all three of them for some time. This sacrifice on her sister's part also lead to a tangled and difficult relationship between Maria and her sister. With career success, Maria Callas found herself supporting her mother, and contributing to the support of her father and sister as well. They cared little for her personal happiness.

It could be said also that Maria's mother believed in her and promoted her as a child and had the ambition that Maria would someday support them all and free her sister from a dutiful pairing. Mother recognized that her daughter, Maria, had exceptional singing talent. Her mother begged for singing lessons for Maria, demanded she give her all to practice, and she allowed Maria to go without any education past about the eighth grade. No doubt in my mind is that this lack of education and constant focus on vocal training instead of academics was part of the deep insecurity Maria felt. In 1939 Maria Callas began to study at the Athens Conservatory and the perfectionist Maria had a fabulous career for some time.

Perhaps though, it was Maria's weight, along with the fraught relationships she had with her mother and sister, that caused the Opera Diva even more emotional issues as a young woman. The Diva was self-conscious of her myopia and acne, and it's said that she only felt loved while singing. Yet, Maria tapped into her wild range of emotions and feelings as an opera singer, and was unafraid of having an "ugly" voice if it was appropriate for the mood of a song. It was her ability to interpret the drama of a scene that, along with her exceptional voice, brought the audiences to tears and ovations. She said she wanted her voice to reflect "the atmosphere and thousands of colors."

Maria Callas married a rich industrialist, Giovanni Battista Meneghini, and was married for a decade from 1949-1959 to this husband who acted as her agent and manager. The Italian divorce laws at the time would make it near impossible for her to escape this marriage and this man's machinations. Like her family, in particular her mother, he proved to be only interested in her career and the fame and money that could buy them a good life.

There was Maria and then there was Callas, a private woman and a celebrity. She disagreed with feminism and the end of gender roles. "I failed to fulfill myself as a woman" she said, referring to her desire to have a child never fulfilled. 

During this month, I will not focus on the details of Maria Callas' opera career, though I realize that many a opera fan or Maria Callas fan is interested in those details. I assure you that the book does follow her career closely. For our purposes here, we want to focus on her relationships with men, and how it is that she chose to remain faithful to the unfaithful Aristotle Onassis. How is it that she was considered his mistress?  Was it simply because he would not marry her?  Because she clearly could support herself well but he was richer? Was it his attitudes towards women in general, which most modern women would find to be revolting? Her relationship with Aristotle Onassis, whom she called "Aristo" was an extreme example of emotional and psychological abuse and domestic violence. Years went on in which an Italian divorce was not granted. Both Aristo and Maria at times lied to the press that they would marry and then claimed they were joking.

Maria Callas died at the age of fifty-three after a life typified by the highest highs and lowest lows. It's quite possible that using a certain drug illegally - though is some parts of the world it was legal - meant a slow suicide. She had withdrawn into her apartment, was estranged from her family and husband, and after her death her mother, sister, and husband would split her clothing and furniture among themselves.

Stick with me as we learn together about the life of this stellar personality and talent, through the vision of author Lyndsy Spence!

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