HAS YOUR RICHER-THAN-YOU PARTNER MADE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT PAYING THE WAY?

I seems that most women I know expect the male of the species to have the money to pay for dates, but also feel funny about not contributing in some way.  That means something like, she throws some money in for a tip, or soon invites him to do something she can afford to spend on.  I won't pretend that feminist values or not, I was raised to be what is now called conservative but which was basically how everyone seemed to live. There was little emphasis on education or careers, the assumption being that marriage, being a stay at home wife and mother, was the expectation - even if you had other ideas. Women who did not work for money outside the home didn't want to change that because they thought their husband's might stop supporting them and the children if there was a divorce and divorce -especially before the children were grown up and launched - was rare.

But now?  Friends report having dates - and boyfriends - that have other expectations.

One man I had not heard from for over a year since I met him out with friends and became a friend of sorts to a group of us phoned me after having been asked to leave by his partner of a year. He had by her invitation moved in with her in the condo she had purchased and was paying the mortgage on. When he failed to find a better job than the one he had she decided it wouldn't work.  He had to move back into his parent's house.

Another man I met in a class told me that he had met a woman he wanted to marry but she said up front that she would only do that if he got a job that paid at least $65,000 a year.  He had returned to college hoping that someday he would qualify for such a job, but graduation was a way off and he feared loosing her.  Should he quit school and become a car salesman?

You can take pride in your education, your work, your ability to support yourself without a partner, but is that realistic?  As housing becomes unaffordable for many, and home ownership impossible for many more, it seems as if the women with children who have been abandoned is also a crisis.

Are you in a relationship in which your partner is the one who has or earns more money?  Much more? Does that person make you feel bad about paying the way?  I would like to hear from you!

Missy