DEFINING MISTRESS : THE LANGUAGE IN MAC GRISWOLD's BOOK ON THE LIFE OF BUNNY MELLON : OPINION BY MISSY

In the fabulous book on the life of Bunny Mellon, which has been the primary reference for this months' posts, I'll Build A Stairway to Paradise, author Mac Griswold uses the term AFFAIR for Dorcas Hardin's many years as Paul Mellon's mistress. Paul Mellon died in 1999 and their relationship started in 1959 or 1960 so as they say, do the math, and that's forty years! Mellon's wife Bunny shared him with Dorcas, even if they attempted to keep the relationships separate.  If there is one objection I have to the book it is the use of that term AFFAIR, which I think trivializes the importance of this relationship to Paul and Dorcas, and of course its effects on Bunny.

Affair is a term that can be used to describe a one-time sexual experience, a brief interlude between two people, or a years long relationship, I realize. Unfortunately, we see the term Mistress used to describe a woman who has had an affair though there was nothing Mistressing about it.

Defining Mistress, understanding the range of relationships that can be defined by the word, which has often been used in the S and M community to describe a dominatrix, is part of the problem. And of course, we understand that most of the relationships in which we might use the term Mistress are between heterosexual men and women, though no doubt homosexual people also have these relationships. Further blurring definition is that so many people today live together without marriage or have alternative relationships that may include others.  We have to take adultery out of the equation as we know that some people Keep people though neither is married or in a committed relationship. We also don't know that it's always a rich person with a poor one, or that there's a financial aspect to the relationship.

Think about this and let me know what you think!

Missy