IS THERE A WAY TO AFFAIR PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE : QUESTIONS FOR MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Missy,

I take marriage seriously being a Catholic and I don't want to marry someone who will cheat on me.  So, you seem to know a lot about cheaters.  Is there a way to affair proof your marriage?

Bennie

Minnesota

ANSWER FROM MISSY 

Do you mean to affair proof YOURSELF or the person you marry?

Actually, I don't think there is. Other than you spend every last minute with your partner.

However, there are some things that might help you avoid having an affair or being "cheated."

1) Marrying someone who is also of the same religion and serious about it. Generally this means having traditional attitudes about the roles of husband and wife and that marriage can include long term suffering and is forever. This sometimes translates into staying together despite affairs. Please note that to me an affair may or may not evolve into becoming or having a Mistress. An affair can be five minutes, a few weeks, or last many years, but may not evolve into a special relationship. Something we do here is work on defining Mistress. The overuse of the term in the media is that any woman who had an affair, even a brief one, with a celebrity is now called a Mistress. A weekend with a celebrity doesn't even make one a girlfriend.

2) Having work that does not require you to travel or attend conventions without your partner or taking your partner with you wherever you go. Being on the road doesn't just mean meeting new people. It can be lonely and stressful. Going home after work each day to your spouse means you usually know where the other person is.

Keeping track of your partner can also feel or be controlling or confining. It can imply a lack of trust. The spouse may just get to the point where they want to get away from you.

Work place affairs are common. 

3) Being sure you both always wear your wedding bands. Interested people always look to see if someone is wearing rings. 

4) Not using alcohol or drugs. Both lower your resistance to finding others attractive, giving in to your sexual nature or adventure, and not practicing Safer Sex.

5) Not taking each other for granted. Scheduling quality alone time and still going out on "dates." Leaving the children with a trustworthy caregiver and taking vacations together.

6) Keeping the conversation going. Discussing the things you want out of the partnership, perhaps having pre-marital counseling, so that you are in agreement about important things like having children. Checking in with each other often.

7) Knowing the difference between honesty and honesty till it hurts. Don't be mean or insensitive. Also, every person has and should have privacy.

8) Having enough money. Enough can be a changing amount.

9) Allowing each other personal time, private time, friendships that don't necessarily include each other.

Not expecting to be each other's everything.

10) Not being manipulative, abusive, or jealous.

11) Getting married later in life.

Basically I'm saying to avoid those things that are notorious for causing couples to fall out as well as temptation.  

However, it seems to me affairs happen anyway. People who never thought they would sometimes do. 

Missy