HIS FRIENDS ARE MEAN : SHOULD SHE SAY BYE BYE? : OPINION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

I met a man in his 50s who has a sparkle in his eye and seems to be sweet. We had a beautiful, unexpected conversation at a cafe. From that point it was obvious we have crushes on each other. On karaoke night he gets up and sings the most romantic songs, looking right at me.

His friends who are probably around the same age are not nice to me. One openly put me down. He said "You're just a girl wearing a hat." I responded "Most certainly not."  Another one does not speak to me or say hello. The one time he did, indirectly, he had a kind of low growl when he demanded I move to another table. I stayed put. When the man who sings to me shows up over there and his men friends are there, he sits with them. I notice that sometimes he seems to be looking at me from across the room, but he seems reluctant to come over and talk.

If a man's friends don't like you, should you just give up on him?

Veronica in Denver

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Veronica,

How horrible for you!

It sounds to me like this man cares more about what his friends think and that he has allowed them to be overly involved in his life. It sounds to me like his friends don't want him to have you in his life and maybe they don't want him to have any woman in his life. Men and women of any age can have friends who hold them back. They seem to be warding you off.

I wonder if this is a group of bachelors who like to prove they still have it by flirting and cruising, but never go on dates. They might be threatened by the loss of one of their own when he goes into a relationship with a woman instead. However, men like this in their fifties?  They sound extremely immature to me. 

You don't say how old you are, but that man calling you a girl?

To try to be fair to these rude men, maybe they've been along for the ride with him for many years and know what he's gone through with other women. He might have even sworn off women. 

Veronica, not to try and hurt your feelings, but another possibility is that this man who is singing to you is teasing you for liking him. Or he thinks he is complimenting you and that's all he can do but you should be pleased that he thinks you're cute. He may not realize he is leading you on to nowhere.

When dating, or as a couple, we can't truly like and enjoy all our partner's friends but we can get along and go along well enough unless they are insulting to us or creating problems in our relationship. So if you were dating this man you'd feel uncomfortable with these two characters and not want to spend time with them.

My gut feeling on this is that this man is entrenched in his life and is fine with gazing at you from afar. He may cherish the one conversation he had with you but that was it.

So, remove yourself from this place at least for a month or two. In that way, say bye bye!

Refresh your spirit and know your worth. 

Do you have a woman friend you can go places and do things with?  Get going!

Meet men somewhere else.

Missy