BEST WAY TO GET INTO A OPEN RELATIONSHIP? HONESTY : OPINION BY MISSY

What is the best way to get into an Open Relationship?  

This is my opinion.  

Just as I think some people one day find themselves in an extramarital relationship or being Kept without having plotted to be, I tend to think some people one day find themselves in an Open Relationship, in other words "organically."  Love might lead you there, or you might just realize you are actually comfortable with how things are in your primary relationship and this is how things are.  

You might not have sought a first experience of including other lovers or love while committed to a primary relationship. Well, maybe you have...  It's just that I'm convinced that the taboos are still in place and if they were not, why would we even call these forms of intimacy an ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE? 

Even if everyone involved has formed these relationships honestly, no sneaking or "cheating" or lying or conning, the notion that you 'should' be guilty could be hurled at you by others. So, you're not necessarily "out" about it.

Recently I met a divorced man who told me about the day his daughter called and said "Daddy, I saw mom kissing another man in a car." He said it was true and he was done, and immediately acted to begin a divorce. I had to wonder about his wife. Had they married as two virgins?  Was he giving her enough attention or had his time spent devoted to developing a business thrown her to another man?  It had been years ago and he had not remarried. His ex-wife had. The man cherished hearing that she told the children she sometimes missed their dad. I had to wonder how different his life might be if he had not such a quick and drastic reaction to learning his wife was "cheating" him.  They had not even tried therapy.

He said he was signed up on various dating sites and he was never going to get married again.

I said, "You should make that clear to anyone you start dating so that a woman who is interested in marriage can decide not to date you."

My statement befuddled Mr. Honesty.

What are the ethics of being in a marriage that you want to stay in, if only you can have sex with other people?  It is truly possible to never fall in love with someone else while married?  If you read Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot, then you know the attitude to accept the affairs of a husband or wife is common - supposedly in France anyway!

As we learn from the example of Lady Idina Sackville's life that we're exploring this month, one cannot prevent a person from falling in love with another person anymore than you can 'make' them fall in love with you! She and her Set were sexually adventurous and they changed partners for an experience or for a lifetime.

However, I do believe that there are many ways to love and that we humans can and do love more than one person at a time, in different ways.

If it is your intent to be in an Open Relationship you should discuss this with any potential partner you may have in this inquiry into Alternative relationships before you ever have sex with that person!  Honesty is the best policy. 

Missy

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