HE FORGETS HER BIRTHDAY and VALENTINES BUT IS GENEROUS FOR NO GOOD REASON : SHOULD SHE BE CONCERNED? : QUESTIONS FOR MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Missy,

I've been having an affair with a married man for almost two years. I'm upset because he forgets my birthday and he forgets Valentine's Day.  When we first met, my birthday was a couple weeks away.  I told him about it because he called wanting to meet up and I said I had birthday plans with my friends. I didn't expect a gift so early on. This year however, I was in tears. "Michael" is generous otherwise. He has shown up with flowers for no good reason.  He sometimes brings me a gift from his travels. Am I wrong to expect a special gift for these special days? My friends say if he was at all serious about me there is no way he would forget like this.

Mandy

Alabama

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Mandy,

Through the years I've met many a wife who has an "unromantic " husband who also fails to acknowledge their special days forgetting, ignoring, or not prioritizing their birthday, anniversary, or Valentine's Day. These men are hardworking and otherwise financially supportive. They are good men without any sentimentality. One woman told me that when her father bought her mother a new frying pan as a birthday gift, she was so mad she got in the car and kept driving, not snapping out of her funk until she found herself in Vegas! She stayed there a couple days before returning.  Did he do better the next year?  No!

I personally want to be honored on special days, so it would be difficult for me to deal with such a person.  I'm the type who goes shopping for a little something for a man and has it wrapped and set aside in case he gifts me, not wanting to be caught without a gift to give as well. So, check in with yourself on your personal tolerance and if this is an issue for you, break with him.

Do you expect expensive gifts?

I personally do not think expensive gifts are appropriate for early or not serious relationships.  What do you mean by serious?  Do you have gift-giving and receiving tied in with how serious he is about you? Do you expect him to leave his wife for you? Have you talked about it?

Here is what I think you need to do.  Call a time out on this relationship.  Get busy with your life as an unmarried woman. There is no reason to be especially loyal, faithful, or obligated to wait around when the other person has a wife, unless you want to share a man, and many women do, for a while. You can date.  You might meet someone better to your liking.

Next time your birthday comes around, treat yourself to a couple days out of town with your friends. 

If he finds he misses you and can't live without you, it's time for him to declare himself and take action.

I wish you the best, Mandy!

Missy