SHOULD YOU BE A MISTRESS? SOME THINGS ABOUT YOU TO CONSIDER

Thinking of getting, keeping, or leaving a man who maybe can't or won't commit to only you?  Or do you have what it takes to be a Mistress?

Here are some questions to ask yourself, things you should consider, before you decide!

1) Have you had much dating experience? 

Some women get all the way through grad school before they have a romance!  Others have had many lovers before they graduate high school.  Some are still getting married soon after they graduate though the age of first marriage in the United States has gone up over time.  A woman can feel burned out by dating or shy of it because of heartbreak. And it's true that it gets more difficult to meet "eligible" men the older one gets. That's because some men realize they're gay or decide to be celibate. Some men are not usually considered eligible - because they're married to someone else. Others burn out from dating and relationships just like women do.

Dating helps you not only get to know the other person but yourself too.  You should be testing yourself in a variety of social situations from casual to formal - the frat party and the opera!  What do you really like to do?  What are your interests?  Can you really be a liberal vegan and settle down with a conservative meat-eater?

Dating should be FUN too. It should not ONLY be about finding a husband, especially not if you aren't that interested in marriage.

My feeling is that a person shouldn't consider being Kept until they've had some relationships and also lived independently (self-supporting) for at least a year.

2) Have men treated you well generally?  Think about your father, your uncle, your brother, your priest, your teachers, your boss, boys in school, men at work...  Do you know what it is to be treated well?  Do you keep relationships going when you're not being treated well?

I believe all women including Mistresses must insist they be treated well.  (And a man ought to leave you if you are not treating him well.)

3) Does your upbringing, especially religious principles, make it impossible or difficult? ... to share a man, have sex without marriage, live with someone for longer than a year without the relationship becoming legal marriage, feel guilty or ashamed about sex, about not being married, about not dating?  

So many times I've met women who say they have done things they never thought they would.

4) Is it your GOAL to be a legally married woman, a happily married woman? If so are you doing something about meeting someone to marry or are you the more romantic, passive or fatalistic type who believes it will happen if it's supposed to?  

If you have a deep desire or need to be legally married, you need to reassess your relationship every few months and end any relationship that does not have that potential.  Listen to what a man says.  If he tells you he does not love you, that he is "fond," that he wants to be "friends" he isn't thinking marriage to you. He may stick around anyway if you're willing to have sex with him knowing he will not marry you. If he says things like "I will never get married," or "I don't believe in marriage," or "I will never get married again" or
"I need more time to think about it" (when you've been dating steadily for over a year) believe him and move on.  It hurts, but not as bad as it will if you hang in there going nowhere.

5) Do you enjoy your own company? Do you possess a rich inner life? Are you a person who always has a project or two of your own happening?  Or do you wait for someone else to create a social life for you or keep you busy?

As a Mistress you may have to have a life separate of him and it's up to you to have a life that is full. Some people love their independence and are good at going and doing things on their own, others loath that.

Missy

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