I WASN'T SURPRISED WHEN MY FRIEND CHARLOTTE SAID YES TO A MISTRESS OFFER.

Charlotte (not her real name) and I used to sit together on dateless Friday nights, kick back with some wine and cheese, and talk about men and dating.  If ever there was someone - beautiful, terrific personality, smart, let's call her a "real catch," who should have had at least a decent boyfriend, if not an amazing husband, it was Charlotte. Yet she had some of the worst dates ever.  She attracted men like honey to the bee - that wasn't the issue.  She could go anywhere - art gallery openings - the grocer - the flower peddler - the mall - and some man would go up to her, introduce himself, and ask her out.  Charlotte must have met over a hundred men just for coffee. I never thought she was "too picky."  She would go, and sometimes there would be two or three dates. It was up to her, if she wanted to have sex or not.  Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't.  It was good that she didn't feel obligated. After several years of this, Charlotte was burned out on dating.  She just didn't want to go.  She just wasn't meeting anyone who was a match for her. 

We did what some people do. We made lists, as if knowing for sure what we wanted in another person would magically draw them to us and fairly well matched too. 

Charlotte's family had been the "too picky" ones.  As she got older without a partner in life, her parents wanted her to just be with someone - anyone?  Charlotte worked but they were still buying her the finer things in life.  Was she materialistic?  More so than me but there were (and are) many more materialistic women. Was it too much to expect to live in a house when you were raised in one? 

So we'd sit and try to create humor out of a situation that was overall very wearing and difficult for her.

Charlotte started to work in a real estate office and that's when she met a man who eventually made her The Mistress Offer. They went out for coffee quite a bit before he did. The whole time she kept dating other men.  I want to say that rarely were these men she went out with "losers."  They just were not for her.  Her man, let's call him Jeff, just one day said this:

"Charlotte I'm not getting any younger and neither are you. We don't have to get married. You don't have to work, at least not as much as you do.  I need a companion and so do you.  You'll admit that to me, won't you?

Charlotte agreed. 

Jeff had been showing he cared by sending some of his friends to her when they wanted to buy houses.  He owned a nice house.  She didn't.  Bit by bit, Charlotte earned a substantial down payment on a house. Jeff provided the mortgage payments. She knew that if anything happened to Jeff, if he could not continue to do so, she could sell the house and that she had a year to do so.

Charlotte stopped dating. She didn't miss dating.  She focused instead on Jeff, learning about him and she did find herself slowly falling for him.  She could make lists of the things she liked about Jeff instead of lists of what she wanted in a man. 

Charlotte was much happier not dating and focusing on her work, as well as designing and decorating her house.  Today she is not rich but financially secure.  Jeff has retired and spends a lot of time with her, but he still does not live with her.  She likes it that way.

Charlotte says, "I wasted so much time looking for a love that wasn't going to happen for me. Now I have my focus!"

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