CAN THIS COLLEGE PROFESSOR QUALIFY TO HAVE A MISTRESS? : OPINION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY:

Hi Missy,

I'm 52 years old and I've hardly ever dated.  I have no children. I'm sending you a picture so you can see what I look like.  I'm your typical college professor, I guess. I'm tenured and make a good income.  I fall in love with students.  But I can't go there.  I was at a conference when I met a grad student who attends another university a couple years into a PhD.  She's 27 years old and she seems interested in me.  I got back from the conference and all I think about is her. It would require a commute. I had lunch with her and then dinner, what a lively conversation! I know she's struggling to afford her education. How does a man qualify to have a Mistress?  That seems to be the perfect solution for me.

Victor


Location Withheld by Missy

To my readers.  Victor's picture reveals him to appear to be a typical college professor.  He's wearing jeans, a nice shirt, no tie, appears to be in good shape for his age, wears a pair of those classic intellectual eyeglasses, has his hair, and a trimmed beard.  He's posed there in front of a tree and has something like a backpack full of books.  I checked the location he gave and there are a number of universities in the area.  I'm withholding his expertise, let's just say this is a very smart man.

ANSWER FROM MISSY:

Victor, first I want you to know that when there is a big age difference you're about to encounter negative voices, but does that stop the Rock God Jimmy Page from partnering with a woman who is old enough to be his grand-daughter, the poet Scarlet?  No it does not. So love is love.

Since you are never married (and I assume the student you are interested in isn't married either) I take it that you are not inclined to marry and that is why you are thinking Mistress instead of a "Girlfriend" to whom you'll be generous.  I figure you are willing to commute to see her and would expect her to see you on breaks.

Tell her the truth.  Tell her you want to have a somewhat long distance relationship with her and will financially provide for her so that she can focus on her education and make it through without also having to work. 

If she accepts, then you have qualified to have a Mistress, even though neither of you may ever apply that term to your relationship.

Do you expect her to be faithful to you on that other campus and in that other town?

Do you yourself expect to only be with her?

This may sound strange, but do you even want to have sex with her?


Figure it out.

Call her and ask her to meet you for dinner. You go there.  Find the kind of place where you can sit and talk for a couple hours without a waiter hovering or expectations that another party will soon occupy the table, possibly with some low volume relaxing music, low lighting.  A comfortable and unpretentious place.  Off campus. Talk about your own education, how you made it through.  Tell her you find her interesting and attractive and wonder if she could ever fall for you.  Tell her you would like to have a relationship that probably won't lead to marriage and then talk about what it's costing her to get through that PhD.  (Another 3 years?) and make your offer.  Maybe I should say first offer.

She may be shocked.

Tell her to think about it.

Proceed to enjoy your meal.

This is open negotiations not close the deal.

Missy