COMMITTED : A SKEPTIC MAKES PEACE WITH MARRIAGE by ELIZABETH GILBERT : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

 

COMMITTED by ELIZABETH GILBERT

 

MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW/EXCERPTS

 

 

This book asks "are EXPECTATIONS of marriage," which are cultural, really what makes marriage a questionable commitment today? 

 

Examples of alternative ways of marriage are given. 

 

For instance, among Hmong women, you don't expect your husband to be "your best friend, your most intimate confidant, your intellectual equal, and your comfort in times of sorrow." (page 32)  Of course this list does seem idealistic, even today, but most of us in the Western world, the 1st world so to speak, do expect our husband or wife to be the best person for us that we've ever met and communicating with that person as a confidant, intellectual equal, and comfort in times of sorrow are necessary.

 

As polygamy and gay marriage make the news, we learn that in ancient Southern India, a union between one women and several men was OK and in ancient Rome, a union between two men was recognized as marriage. (page 53)  So maybe the ancients were even more advanced in their thinking than we are, and so is it surprising that there is still a debate here?

 

Then there is the history of marriage, which was seen as an economic union, that protected inheritances and wealth, so that marriages could take place even between the unborn.  In Mediaeval Europe, peasants were forbidden to marry those of higher rank.  In China, a living woman could be married to a dead man in a "ghost marriage."  (page 54 and page 61)

 

A great example of what it took for people to change their practical and economic view of marriage was that after the Black Death (plague) when 75 million people died, there was, for the first time perhaps in Europe, such a great striving for remarriage that finally, for survivors, there was a possibility of marrying up.  "20 somethings" eagerly married elderly men and women.  (page 61)

 

And then Gilbert shares with us an old Polish adage that goes...

"Before going to war, say one prayer.

Before going to sea, say two prayers.

Before getting married, say three prayers."  (page 85)

 

This author, famous for her intellectual and spiritual memoir called "Eat, Pray, Love," also gets into infidelity and being childless by choice.

 

A thought provoking though less personal book than that one, this is a worthwhile read. You may just find yourself testing your own expectations about commitment to the status quo.

 

 

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