SHOULD HE BREAK WITH HIS BOYFRIEND TO BE KEPT BY A CELEBRITY?

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Hi Hon!

I'm gay.  I'm out.  I've been in a relationship for a few years now.  We both work.  I make three times as much as my significant other.  That's never bothered me.  We've never even fought about money.  I'm happy to pay for whatever he can't afford.  John is a good man but he doesn't make much money as a social worker. 

Now I met someone else, someone who makes even more than me, Reggie.  I met him just a few times for drinks.  Good conversation.  I told him I was with John.  Then before anything could happen, he made me a proposal.  He says that if I will be his, he will make it worth my while.  I can continue at my work and live right where I am now, the difference is that now I would be more on the receiving end. 

This man is a celebrity, up and coming. He says that he would want the relationship to be, not a secret, but not out there in the media until we're both ready to be a media event. So I would be at his house a lot, meet his close friends he trusts, no one that's going to blab to the National Enquirer. I wouldn't be going out with him on the town except maybe in groups.

I think I know what's attracting me to this besides thinking Reggie is hot.  I'm not cheap or greedy but I can't help myself wondering what it's like to be more on the receiving end.  I think I would like the experience of someone else picking up the tabs and buying me a car, as I did for John.

How do I do this?

Phillip
Hollywood


ANSWER FROM MISSY

Hello Phillip from Hollywood,

When one person provides a lot of wonderful perks and that is their role because the other person's income is limited, there is a relationship dynamic there.  So the first expectation I have is that you'll be experiencing an entirely different, probably opposite, dynamic than you have in your relationship with John. 

Reggie will be in charge and in power?  Will you like it?

Since John is a good man, and he may have become a little dependent on your generosity, please, if you're going to do this, have a gentle talk with him, break with him.  Tell John that you want to have an experience and be free to have it.  You don't have to get into all the details. Don't make him feel sorry for being a social worker because those people work hard and deal with a lot of stress to help other people and we need them.  Be a good man yourself and make the break before you get into Reggie's bed.

I'm putting you on notice though.  If and when you move on from John, don't expect him to be waiting for you to circle on back to him.  You have to take a risk to be with this up and coming celebrity.  You may well find being left at home hard going and long to be back with John.  It will never be your place to make the relationship go public.  Think this through.  What if you have a fight and break up?  Can you resist the temptation to write a Tell-All Book about the relationship and possibly hurt his career?  (Think of all the Tell-All books that Mistresses, who never thought they would, have written !)

As for Reggie being cautious about the media and that you'll be somewhere else or at his house when he's out being photographed with those he does want to be seen with - like maybe a starlet?  That's how it was done in Hollywood for years and years and I understand it. 

Why?

When someone wants to make a living as an actor they have to sell themselves to get work and part of that is being perceived as good for a part and most of the parts are for heterosexuals - and men.  When someone makes their sexuality or sexual preference so much a part of their identity that the general public can only think of them as gay, it usually means less work.  Directors want a man and a woman in a relationship that includes sex scenes to have chemistry. If the audience watches this knowing that one of the actors is gay, they're not convinced it's real.  There's something there that's more important than thinking "what great acting."  It's "Wow, they're not acting!"

So being out in the business really can mean less work even if more and more gay people are out in the business.  When actors who are notoriously straight, such as Michael Douglas or Sean Penn, play gay characters, they already have the insurance in place as sexy heterosexuals.

Are you sure you don't really mind the income inequity of your relationship with John?  Is that really what this is about?

Missy