REVISITING THE 1989 FILM "WHEN HARRY MET SALLY" and DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Self Esteem

"The first person I should love is myself.  I make choices that uphold my self esteem."


"When Harry Met Sally" is an old film but a good one that more than one generation can relate to.

After this film, Meg Ryan became famous for her impersonation of a woman faking an orgasm in a deli at table while acting as "Sally," with her friend acted by Billy Crystal, who was "Harry." 

The theme is that Men and Women can never really be friends, but after many years from the day they met, Harry and Sally, who were very different people, did become friends, supporting each other through a breakup and a divorce, and then have sex.  Harry can't handle it.  They break up and that's when Harry realizes he loves Sally.  It turns out their long friendship - the first he ever had with a woman - was an excellent way to get to know someone and fall in love with them.

You might just want to pop this old film in the DVD player some night when you want to laugh and maybe cry a little.  In the film, Carrie Fisher acts as a best friend who has long been involved with a married man.  She realizes he will never leave his wife when she discovers he has bought his wife an expensive nightgown.  When Sally tries to introduce her to Harry, she finds herself attracted to his best friend instead.  Soon they are living together and then marry.  Both Harry and Sally date others, and if you've been on the dating scene in your early thirties, you may find yourself with some of the same dilemmas.

Listening to Sally with her girlfriends, all who believe it is better to be married and then divorced than never married, up comes the idea that if you do not marry YOUR HUSBAND (the man you were meant to marry) then YOU'LL LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR HUSBAND MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE!

It's funny but a true fear that many women have.  (And maybe many men too?)  Being married to the WRONG person is much worse than not being married at all as I see it.

As for Harry, he tells Sally that there are women who are high maintenance but she is the worst kind, A WOMAN WHO IS HIGH MAINTENANCE but THINKS SHE IS LOW MAINTENANCE.  In other words, her idea of how easy it is to be with her is overblown.

Which brings us to the subject of MAINTENANCE, which sound not very romantic at all, right?

It's about how much you expect, what you need, what your self esteem or maybe upbringing would suggest.  For instance, many of us were brought up that a man is to make all the plans, ask us well in advance (so you can say yes or no and if you say yes be prepared to go, with the proper clothing and equipment, for instance), and that he pays for everything on the date. The dinner, the movie, the ice cream, the gas in the vehicle, which he drives.  In exchange he gets your company, and when you're young, idealistic, religious, or living with your parents, that means company but no sex.  And some men do not like to work too hard to have a woman in their life.  They want to be with someone who is easy to get and easy to keep, maybe because so much else about their life is complicated. 

What is HIGH MAINTENANCE today, at this time in our lives?

I can't really say.  It's so individual.  But we all have a sense of what works for us.

So, not to decide your values for you, but what it really comes down to is that in any relationship, be that friendship, a love relationship, or even the relationship you have with your coworkers and boss, you must feel that you are treated with enough respect.  You don't want to be with people who try to shame you, humiliate you, take credit for your work, or who keep cancelling on you.

I personally have gotten more lax over the years about people being right on time, but I still think they should aim for the right time and call if they are going to be late, and if someone cancels on me as a habit, because they are one of those people who is always wasting other people's time, I usually stop inviting them to go places with me and make my exit of that friendship gently.  I also like making plans.  I don't like people to just stop on in without calling in advance to ask if it would be OK.  I don't like being caught on an off day or when I'm working on something (like this blog) or have the plans I've made for the use of my day to be blasted because of an unexpected visitor. 


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