DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES : Charming on the Phone

"I will indulge myself in the art of phone conversation!"

Are you charming on the phone?

This one is tricky because being a good conversationalist is also about listening.  So many women complain of not being heard when they do talk. They find themselves being repetitive because someone's response to what they say is dismissive. Seems a lot of men want to talk of themselves more than listen to a woman.  In fact some of these men think it is a woman's role to be the listener because they can't talk to their men friends.  Sometimes a woman waits all day to excitedly tell her man something and the right time never comes.  He may even unfairly consider her  to be "too talkative!" 

It takes practice to be a good conversationalist!         

It's taken me years to cut phone conversations short! 

For years I had a difficult time getting off the phone.  When I finally started conversations with "I can't stay on long but I called to tell you..." some of these people STILL wouldn't take the hint!  As a result there were people I simply would not call or call back!

Some people are more detail oriented or verbose than others.  Some only give sound bytes!  What you're listening for is that they UNDERSTAND what it is you just said.  Responses that affirm that you HEARD what they are saying are important, more so than claiming to agree if you don't! 

Don't assume that because someone is complaining to you or that they need support that they actually are soliciting your opinion.  So ask them first, "Do you want my opinion?"

Never tell someone to do something that you yourself would never!   You can always say, "I hear you!"  or "I don't know what I would do in your position."

Although we want to share, especially with close personal friends we can trust, we also want to talk about the subjects that interest us, the things that keep us interested in life, not just gossip or problems.  Everyone has a few interests besides gossip, so be ready and up to date!  Bring up anything in the local news about their favorite pastimes.  Is there a special antique auction coming to town?  Maybe you can go together!

And it can't all be serious. Pull your friend out of their blues with some light humor!  The irony of life!

Be wary of relationships that are all about phone conversations, in particular repetitive calls that go past 40 minutes and are actually therapy, but never seem to turn into making and keeping plans.  You can say, "I'd prefer to talk to you about this in person.  When can we have lunch?"

When you're meeting someone for lunch or dinner, be sure to give the other person equal time to talk and if they are monopolizing the conversation and do that frequently, then you need to assert yourself a bit and say, "and now about me!"   Yes, a good friend is someone you can lean on in crisis and who you will be there for too.  You want to do that and be that, but taking repetitive calls in the middle of the night to save someone from suicide is probably not something you're qualified for!

Twitter, Facebook, Social Networking, and other blurbing will not take the place of real conversation and in person is the best!

C 2014 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot