SHOULD SHE BUY HIM AN EXPENSIVE GIFT FROM THE MONEY HE GAVE HER? OPINION BY MISSY!

QUESTION FOR MISSY: 

I'm a secretary with aspirations to be a singer and not a well paid one.  I just found out that my income of $25,000 a year is considered poverty in Los Angeles.

"Dale" has been very generous to me and I feel bad that I can't give him gifts that anywhere equal what he gives to me.  I mean that he gave me a diamond cocktail ring for my birthday and I got him a hand-made sweater for his.  The sweater's turquoise which I thought looked good with his red hair and it turns out he has three other turquoise sweaters in his closet.  He made a fuss over it but must have been thinking "Oh no!  Not ANOTHER turquoise sweater! He's worn it once. 

Then Dale paid the cosmetic dentist for me to have my molars capped!  It cost something close to $5000!  He convinced me that since I'm a singer this was important. So I went for it. I admit that if I'd had $5000 I would've probably had this done myself.  I got him a silver engraved cigarette lighter as a little thank you. 

Dale is driving a beautiful vintage sports car which he's refurbished.  My contribution is that I detail it on the Saturday afternoons he spends with me.  He brings the car over, I wash it out in the street while he sits back with a couple beers, and then I make us a romantic dinner.

Now Dale is going to be out of town for five or six weeks, some travel and some business, and he has handed me $5000 and told me to use it for "whatever."  I want to buy him a really nice present with it.  Something from a store in Beverly Hills.

Michelle

ANSWER FROM MISSY:

Income inequity...  Isn't the fact that women don't have it the basis for the feminist movement?  Well, sadly we women have not caught up to men's incomes, even though far more women are going to and completing college and expecting to support themselves and their children too!  So you're a secretary making an income that doesn't even allow you to have the full participation in life you desire.  Like so many other women! 

Don't feel too bad.  Compared to some you're doing really well, Michelle!

Just how many chemical engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?  (i.e. we can't all be Fortune 500 CEO's!)

Michelle, I think you are not comfortable accepting gifts.  I think Dale knows that you don't have much money and he wants to help you and make you happy.  I'm more concerned that his gifts are so practical - molars? 

I think that if you cannot simply say "Thank You" and be gracious and loving, you need to talk to Dale, but really the issue will probably be something else, like exactly where you relationship is or where it's headed. 

Put the $5000 in the bank and don't spend it.  You may need it.

Missy