MISSY's Q and A : SHOULD SHE ASK HIM TO PAY FOR HER EDUCATION?

Dear Missy,

I'm a college student and have been putting myself through with part time jobs.  Since I started my relationship with "Jared" I cut my hours way back. I'm a waitress, and now I don't think I can afford to stay in school.  Jared is an attorney who seems to be doing really well and I've never asked him for anything.  He's given me some expensive gifts, jewelry and a watch, but nothing as practical as tuition.  I don't know if I want to actually ASK, you know?  Jared by the way is not married, but he has also told me he doesn't want to get married and prefers I be his mistress - his word not mine.

Alice in Vermont


Dear Alice in Vermont,

Well, Jared has made it a point of telling you that he doesn't plan to marry you, or maybe anyone.  You should take him at his word.  He also says he wants you to be his mistress.  Have you ever asked him what he thinks the difference between a wife and a mistress is, or what his expectations are of a mistress - you?

Many mistresses do find themselves having to be or stay flexible so that they can spend time with their man.  You must however take care of yourself, your education, and your career, unless he has arranged to support you and for a long time and as a lawyer he knows how to create the legal documents that can do that.  As things are, first it will be dropping out of school and then it will be loosing your apartment or working full time to stay there.  Seems to me staying in school is the thing for you to make happen and if selling the jewelry and watch would pay tuition I would.

So my first suggestion is that you talk to Jared and tell him that you have to take on more hours at your job in order to afford school and that you're sure he understands that.  Then start working more.  Within a few weeks he is going to realize that if he wants to see you and he wants you to live around his availability something is going to have to change.  More than one mistress has been put through college by her man, so don't be shy about that just get the money in cash in hand and go pay the tuition with it first thing - if he offers.  Don't even suggest that you'd be willing to quit school for him!  If Jared takes his leave of your life because you can't be out with him and afford school, let him go.

Missy