HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!

A TRIBUTE TO BURT BACHARACH and HAL DAVID (SOME OF MY FAVORITE LOVE SONGS!)

DREAMING DOE

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Time for Spiritual Self

"I may be very busy, but I must create time for my spiritual self, even if it's just 20 minutes a day!"

A stereotype of mistresses is that they have little of importance to do (other than body and beauty maintenance) and that they mostly do a lot of waiting around for their man to visit.
While that's true for some, today all it takes to qualify as overbusy is to be a woman. 

TIME in itself is often easy to schedule. You can get up fifteen minutes earlier or maybe use the time you sit waiting in traffic on the freeway to some good use, you think.  But the time for the spiritual self is not so easy to find.  Because this time must be focused only on you, and your relationship to a Higher Power, the Great Spirit, or God, or Goddess, or perhaps your angel, however you may name it or think of it.  Many women find themselves too frazzled and anxious to meditate,  they feel worried, and their prayers are mostly for other people.

As you make your resolutions for 2016, think about your spirituality.  Everyone has potential for it, no matter what their life is.

C 2015 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

DEER WITH BIRDS IN HIS ANTLERS

 

from Imgkid / Google Images Vintage

DIANA KRALL - PEEL ME A GRAPE

HE'S A DEER

ADVICE TO A YOUNG WIFE FROM AN OLD MISTRESS as told to MICHAEL DRURY (a woman) : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

FOUR DIRECTIONS PRESS on ADVICE TO A YOUNG WIFE FROM AN OLD MISTRESS as told to MICHAEL DRURY

EXCERPT: Michael Drury, despite her name, is a woman who was both a free-lance writer and author of several books. She grew up north of San Francisco, graduated from Stanford University, and went on to write for Harper's and Life. This work had originally been published by Doubleday in the 1960s and in demand for 20 years. 

(I note that it is still available on the internet.)

 

BOOK REVIEW BY MISSY

MISTRESS MANIFESTO

 

There is an elegance to the language and a lovingness to the philosophy in this book that is irresistible.  The book is also short but sweet.

 

 "A mistress always knows more than she says to anyone - to other women, to the man in her life, even to herself.  A good woman friend is a marvel, and at times it is wisdom to air one's brains; it unheats them.  But a woman who habitually complaints against a man is quibbling.  Either live with him, and hold your tongue, or act, but don't harp, unless you really mean to keep from being loved.  High praise is no better taste or any less fatal.  Nobody wants his virtues advertised.  A liaison has discretion imposed upon it, but a marriage license is not a permit for publicity."  (Page 37) 

 

"For all her infraction of the rules, a mistress is much more integrated into the larger designs of living than the average wife.  She is not, like a wife, isolated, physically or mentally or emotionally, and thus cornered into defending her own importance.  A mistress is often a very great friend, but she never tries to be a pal or substitute for men friends.  It is simply not the same order of relationship, and she recognizes and defends the right of other orders to exist - partly because she has and needs others for herself.  She is perhaps more like a man, in his human characteristics, that a wife is." (Page 37) 

C 2015  All Rights Reserved  Missy Rapport/ Mistress Manifesto Blogspot

 

 

THE GIFT OF A SMALL TREE

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE FICTION MISTRESS IN LITERATURE? MISSY ASKS YOU!

Mistresses make for very popular fiction in literature and in films.  I think that in literature especially this is because so many women have the fantasy of being a mistress themselves, whatever their actual circumstances in life. 

Do you have a favorite fiction mistress and what do you like about her?

WALKING AGAINST THE WIND

BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S - A KEPT MAN and A WOMAN WHO PAYS HER RENT WITH TIPS

IMDb BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S

 

AUDREY HEPBURN BECAME A FASHION ICON WHEN GIVENCHY

DRESSED HER FOR THE ROLE OF A WAIF WHO

REINVENTED HERSELF TO BE A SOCIETY GIRL.

 

The film came out in 1961 and is

considered a Classic Romantic Comedy but it funny?

 

The novel was written by Truman Capote.

Holly Golightly, a character writer Truman Capote is said to have loosely based on his own divorced mother's search for a new husband, is an adventurer in New York City who came from a hard, impoverished background that included being orphaned and then married at 14.  Run away to New York City, she depends on her youth, beauty, and personality, to survive and hopes to live her life the wife of a rich worldy man.  To do that she must dress right, make friends, and be seen in all the right places.  Is she really fooling anyone though when she jams all her posh friends into a plain apartment?

She has a neighbor, a once published author, make that writer, who needs a patron and has one, a rich married woman.  His keeper has furnished and designed his apartment and he has a closet of beautiful suits she has gifted him.  He spends his days on call and awaiting her visits.  He's kept.

 

These two, Holly and the writer, discover they understand each other enough to be friends and to not hold their lifestyles against each other, so in the scene where they actually enter the exclusive and expensive store, Tiffany's, and go shopping, it's humbling that all they can afford is to have something he already owns engraved. They've both had a taste of the life they can't afford on their own to lead but facing reality leads to real, realistic love.

 

The writer's break up with his rich married keeper is cold.  He gives her attitude. She needs to remind him that he was bought.  No love there.  Just sex on call.  (The worst!)  Holly's final goodbye to her ex husband is handled by her with more sophistication, while he leaves no doubt he was Mr. Wrong all along.

 

Holly is nearing prostitution, though she herself doesn't think of the enormous tips men present her so she can tip the washroom attendants at exclusive restaurants they take her to, as being paid for sex or the promise of sex.  She is a unique combination of pragmatic, goal-oriented, and a dreamer.  She has retained some of her innocence.  The film is careful to show her deferring promises, such as that she might actually pose nude, so we don't actually know if she has slept with anyone or is just expert at being an experienced woman who can keep men hoping.  Her men knowingly over tip her and remind her that she owes them.   She uses the money to just make her rent.  Dinner's out keep her from starving though, she sure is skinny.  The  text on the box of the old VHS tape I rewatched this film with calls her a "playgirl," but I think that might be a 1961 word choice.

 

Holly has goals and while she has not entirely escaped her past or lost her ability to feel, her precarious and financially desperate situation begs a resolution.  Snobbed because of her reputation, "settling," for the writer isn't so bad after all.

C 2015 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.

QUESTION FOR MISSY! COULD YOU COMMENT ON THE PRODUCTS YOU USE?

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Hi Missy!

You post on books about style and fashion and cosmetics and made some commentary on cosmetic surgery as well.  So I'm wondering if you could reveal more about your own personal tastes.  What's on your vanity table?  What should I go out and buy?

Roger


ANSWER FROM MISSY

For you or your boyfriend?

OK, Roger, I'll have some fun with your question.

I don't have a vanity table that I sit down at with a big mirror lined with light bulbs!  I try to apply my cosmetics with natural light streaming through the window. I know what you mean though.  Some magazines feature the products that a particular celebrity uses, so I'll pretend I'm one.

Most of the winter I wear the perfume Opium by YSL - YSL OPIUM which I love because of the warm spicy scent.  But for spring and summer, I prefer Flower Bomb by Viktor and Rolf - VIKTOR_ROLF FLOWER BOMB.  Once in a while I get in the mood to wear a perfume called Giorgio of Beverly Hills (not to be confused with Armani) - GIORGIO BEVERLY HILLS).  I think the scent  is just glorious, but it's a bit heavy for popular taste now.  Think high summer, white clothes.  Also I have a neroli oil spritz and a sandalwood oil spritz.  Overall, I don't like to announce my presence with too powerful a perfume. It can be rude when people are allergic or forced to smell a chaos of scents from too many people in a room or just one person with it piled on.

Men sometimes wear too much scent too, with their armpits screaming eucalyptus, their cheeks and neck something else...  I think a man should smell - clean - with just a little on his neck to inhale when you kiss him.  Frank Sinatra liked Ivory Soap. 

So, there are two philosophies about  buying scent:

1) You go out and buy what you like the smell of and wear it because after all, you have to smell it too.

2) You wear the scent that your lover bought for you because he or she likes the smell of  you wearing it.

A compromise?  Wear what he bought you on dates.

As you can tell from reading my posts, I advocate as natural look as possible for daytime, using cosmetics to enhance.  I haven't had cosmetic surgery but I read about it and look at the before and after pictures.  I always wonder how fabulously wealthy celebrities, or at least well connected ones who have so many friends who've had surgery, manage to get botched up jobs!  Can't they get good referrals and afford the best?

I've been giving myself clay based facials for years and think they do wonders for your skin, not just because they help you deep clean and buff the skin when you wash them off with a soft cloth, but because of what they do for your facial skin circulation.  I buy clay based facials from the Freeman line - none of them expensive.    Here is a link to FREEMAN FACIAL PRODUCTS ; I use several products on this page.

I see no reason why men shouldn't use clay facials.

After your skin has had nothing but air on it for a few hours after the "mud pack," particularly before you go to bed, you'll probably want to use a light moisturizing cream on it.

I'm a total fan of OPI AVOJUICE  I even use it on my face.  Their entire line of nail polishes and other products are aimed at hands and feet and manicures so I'D LOVE FOR THEM TO MAKE AVOJUICE UNSCENTED.  (Hey OPI, can you send me some free samples?)  I use natural polish on short nails.  I don't like talons or art galleries on my nails.

I use GARNIER BB CREAM.  Ditto.  (But men, be careful as it will rub off on your collar and inside your hat band!)

So many products have some sun screen in them, but I don't wear sun screen on a daily basis or try to get a tan.  I just get tan living life.  I only wear sun screen if I'm going to be outdoors in a pool.

My favorite lipsticks are from REVLON.  They have an amazing inventory of colors to choose from.  I choose colors that are close to my natural lip color, or just a bit darker.  I don't like the Vampire look.  Recently though I tried an inexpensive lip crayon from Wet and Wild, and for less than $3 it really did seem to last four hours.   - Missy

Image from Graphics Fairy

 

 

C 2015  Missy Rapport/ Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved

MISTLETOE

Mistletoe by Randolph Caldecott (1846-1886) illustrated the 1892 book Old Christmas

MISTRESS MANIFESTO - HOLIDAY EDITION 2015

Hello my faithful readers!

I want to thank you for reading MISTRESS MANIFESTO - BLOGSPOT, my pet project for some years now, that focuses on the unconventional and alternative lifestyles of the Mistress and various others who don't restrict themselves to traditional two-partner marriage, while trying to define the term "mistress" in the here and now. 

2015 was another successful year for this Blog and, as I've said before, I will continue to write it so long as I'm learning and enjoying myself at the same time.  I'm so glad there are many mistress-interested readers out there!

This time of year - the Holidays - is generally a down-time for most blogs.  People don't have as much time to read them or write them as we race to complete a year and get to the next one, often with much celebration in the process.  That's why in December I take a vacation from the Mistress of the Month thematics and get into the holidays too.

But I do have some good candidates for Mistresses of the Month for 2016, so I hope however busy you are, you will at least bookmark this site and come back in January!

I look at what the Google Analytics is telling me about my reader's interests but, I have to say that at this point I think that the hits are heavily influenced by what a particular search engine chooses to feature under the heading MISTRESS MANIFESTO.  My all time hit-making post at this point is the one on the two women who called themselves the wife of deceased rock star-singer-poet JIM MORRISON of THE DOORS.  I may have outdone myself on that subject, but there are plenty of other interesting topics in the archives.

Overall, it seems my readers are more interested in 20th and 21st century mistresses than the women who were kept by Kings in previous centuries, and while I think the HISTORY of Courtesans and Kept Women is important to our understanding of women's roles in and surrounding marriage, and I don't forget that gay people keep and are kept too, I will try to keep that in mind as I select candidates to write about in 2016.  I'm going to keep running the GUIDE so new readers can go back to the months they feel most interested in.

Someone asked me recently how far in advance I work this blog.  The truth is that, while I have postponed a featured subject once or twice, and have cancelled one because I became unconvinced that she was a mistress and it was just the press erroneously using the term on anyone who has ever had a fling or affair,  and always have ideas and am in the process of reading around someone, I  tend not to make final decisions until very close to the beginning of a month.  The most delayed subject was the Mistresses of comedian Bob Hope, which I finally did this past year after a couple years of holding off.

Let's get moving towards these last weeks of the year, as the days become shorter and the nights darker.   This month I'll do a review of a book I've had in my personal collection for some time that I think all Mistresses and Mistress-interested people should read and discuss a famous classic movie that features a kept man and a woman who has several men contributing to her support.

I wish you happy ones, full of sweet romance and longing!

Missy

DUSTY SPRINGFIELD - I WISH YOU LOVE

TURKEYS - MALE and FEMALE

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES : SHARING

I'll bet when you saw the word "sharing" on the headline of this post, you thought I'd post an affirmation/declaration about sharing men!  Well, SHARING implies an interaction between two people at least, meaning that if you SHARE a man, then those of you who share him know about each other, at least that you both exist.  

Actually... Share what you have.  It doesn't have to be an expensive thing. Whatever it is - a stick of gum or your win from the lottery, share it graciously.

"It doesn't have to be THANKSGIVING for me to share."

QUESTION FOR MISSY : HOW CAN YOU SPEND THANKSGIVING ALONE?

QUESTION

Dear Missy,  I was wondering how you spend Thanksgiving alone.  Maybe you can inspire me?

Shannon, Mistress from Iowa City

ANSWER

Shannon,

I'm not always alone for Thanksgiving, but I have been without being upset about it or feeling lonely.  That's just my nature.  I've attended dinners at friends, among strangers, with family members, I've been alone but had a meal sent over, and I've had someone stop by just to pick up something to eat that I cooked, which they went home and ate alone.  I had a totally vegetarian Thanksgiving one year - no turkey. I've also attended one of those big Thanksgiving feasts that some churches do as a community.  The one thing I've never done was go out to eat alone on Thanksgiving, though I do sometimes eat alone in restaurants, without minding it.

If you don't want to be alone and have no local invites, and you don't want to go to a community gathering, I'd suggest volunteering to dish out food at a homeless shelter. Otherwise, take a hike, or a walk in nature, thinking about all the ways you are fortunate and blessed.

If you can turn Thanksgiving into a four day holiday, maybe get out of town.

IS YOUR FATE IN YOUR HANDS?

KRIS JENNER - ALL THINGS KARDASHIAN : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

KRIS JENNER - ALL THINGS KARDASHIAN

(KRIS JENNER has said that Nicole Brown Simpson told her that O.J. was going to kill her and get away with it.  She deeply regrets not being more to Nicole or doing more to perhaps prevent the tragedy.)

Yes, I read this book, in search of information about Nicole Brown Simpson and O.J. and her murder.  Kris Jenner is now divorced from Bruce Jenner, and Bruce has become the most famous transgender person in history, but this book came out before all that, and after the reality TV show staring her and her family, the daughters she had with lawyer and best friend to O.J. Simpson, Robert Kardashian, was a recent hit.  Kris Jenner does a good job of covering her own amazing life, her early marriage to wealthy Robert Kardashian, their years as good friends to O.J. and Nicole, her belief during the trial that her ex husband Robert was unnecessarily faithful and loyal to O.J., and her belief that O.J. was guilty. 

Then she moves on to her daughters by Robert, who, in my opinion, are mostly famous for being famous.  I recently read elsewhere that in her divorce from Bruce, he left with about $100 million while she left with about $20 million (in California, a community property state, the split is usually 50/50), which I believe to be her earnings from managing a resurgence of fame for the Olympic medalist she'd married after he'd been on hold for years, and then her own daughters.  Kris grew up comfortable, was pursued by Robert Kardashian, an older wealthy man, when she was just out of her teens and had just become a stewardess, and soon had a life of wealth and privilege as a Beverly Hills' wife and mother.  She had a dream to have six children, found pregnancy and birth easy, and had four with Robert and two with Bruce, while Bruce had four children already.

Kris had an affair that broke up the sweet marriage she had to Robert and in this book she explains the madness of it and has massive regrets and apologies about it.  One thing for certain though, she never sought to go back to the father of her daughters, and Kris is a woman who seems to go forward in life at such a rapid pace, it must have been odd for her to look back enough to write this book which is two parts memoir.

Kris Jenner's personality shines through her book.  She comes across as ambitious, rich, driven, positive, and hard working, as well as able to set goals and move towards them.  She also has the capacity to know when she has made a bad decision.

But for our purposes here, what she has to say about Nicole Brown Simpson, who she describes as a good friend, is of most interest.  O.J. Nicole and their kids and Robert and Kris and theirs shared many good times including vacation trips, and so it's a bit surprising that she (and Robert) didn't know the extent of the abuse.  Nicole withheld that information and about the time she was murdered she and Kris were supposed to get together to talk privately, so that Nicole could share a secret - probably this secret.

Like all Nicole's friends and others who say that they had no idea,  Kris was aware that there were times when O.J. and Nicole as a couple were behaving oddly, or O.J. was being controlling.  Did Robert know?

Robert Kardashian decided to stick with O.J. through the trial out of the habit of friendship but also because of his Armenian-American values that you do not abandon a friend when in need.

Now for those of you who watched the trial or have read any of the many books surrounding the trial, there has always been a question of whatever happened to the murder weapon, which was judged to be a knife.  There is speculation that Robert Kardashian was a pawn in O.J.'s scheme to get rid of it by transporting it in his golf bag, or that perhaps Robert carried it away in a luggage type bag.  In this book we learn that after Nicole's funeral, O.J. was staying at Robert's house, and that he once took a night walk around the neighborhood to clear his head, during which he might have moved the weapon from the garage.  Speculation as I say, so perhaps we will never know.

C 2015  Missy Rapport   Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

CAGED BIRDS SOMETIMES SING

CAN YOU RECOGNIZE VERBAL ABUSE? PATRICIA EVANS IS AN EXPERT ; THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

 

Friends, as you know if you've been reading MISTRESS MANIFESTO, I have a real concern that people, women in particular, not be exploited, hurt, or abused, and that whatever relationship you're in, you're there because you want to be. 

 

That's why I dedicated a month to the Slavic Women who are imported to the United States, sometimes through lies, and find themselves stranded and even forced into sex work, back in July of 2014.  I'm sensitive to the fact that many women throughout history have found themselves as Mistresses, Courtesans, Wives, even as Prostitutes, because they had or have so little choice in life.  Now it's the 21st century, it's still a man's world but our prospects are encouraging, and we must try to move forward into lives of our own choosing.

 

These last several weeks we've been reading around the O.J. Simpson Murder Trial, and the abuse and murder of this month's Mistress of the Month, Nicole Brown Simpson.   While perhaps Nicole kept family and friends from knowing the full extent of O.J.'s abuse of her, it's difficult for me to believe that no one ever heard the things O.J. said to her, even if they didn't witness a beating.  However, this book warns that sometimes the person who abuses another will only do it in secret, say in the home, or in the bedroom, while coming off as a gentleman and part of a loving couple in public.

 

So I got a copy of one of the most respected books on VERBAL ABUSE, which is far more common than PHYSICAL ABUSE and often leads to or is a part of the PHYSICAL ABUSE.  I read it.  I took notes.  I thought about what I learned.

 

As women we need to educate ourselves and be aware.

 

So I have a confession to make.

 

This book made more aware than ever of what VERBAL ABUSE IS and as a result, I now know that the funky feelings I would get after going out on the town or having dinner with a particular PLATONIC MALE FRIEND of mine, who I think of as sometimes difficult, are in fact coming from him being verbally abusive, even though he may not raise a hand or a voice or use any derogatory terms.  In recently weeks I've actually shut down, not speaking or replying at all in response to something he's said. That's because he is more subtle and "manipulative" would also be an appropriate word.  I'm now in the process of letting him go out of my life and I realize that I actually have some fear about doing that directly.  That's more proof that I've been verbally abused.

 

PATRICIA EVANS, the author of this book, is an expert.

 

She says verbal abuse is BUILT INTO OUR CULTURE.  (I agree, and I wish women would not cooperate with being called names like HO, for instance.)  That's one of the reasons people overhear it or experience it and don't know it's wrong.

 

You come up with excuses like, "He's just having a bad day."  (And who doesn't have a bad day?  Still, there are other ways to cope with stress.)

 

Since I can't type all my notes here, let me go to the ones that made me realize I indeed have a verbally abusive PLATONIC MALE FRIEND.

 

1) Sometimes when he gets mad or irritated, somehow he makes it my fault.  (I picked the wrong route to get somewhere and so there is traffic.  I'm just as put out by unexpected back ups on the road, but how would I know before hand?)

 

2) When I try to discuss my hurt feelings or an issue has not been fully resolved, he refuses to discuss it or shuts the conversation down.  (He says things to me like "the past doesn't matter - live for today" which completely gets him off from acknowledging his responsibility or apologizing to me.  That's called DIVERTING the conversation.  It's also called BLOCKING as it establishes what can be discussed.

 

3) I frequently feel perplexed or frustrated by him because I can't get him to understand something.  (He has used critical language to pick apart the way I speak or explain something which prevents him from ever tackling the subject.)  That's called JUDGING AND CRITICIZING

 

4) *** He likes to take the opposite view from mine on most everything I mention.  (It often involves food choices, and thus what I cook for dinner for us or where we go to eat out and what we order.  I've made a list of all the weird food issues he has and have found that the very things he refuses to eat when with me he eats elsewhere without complaint.  Go figure! I can't understand why if he smokes he's so concerned about poisons in food!  However, I also think he likes to just go against me to have POWER AND CONTROL over the conversation, if not me.)

 

So read this book and evaluate your own relationships!

 

C 2015  Missy Rapport  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.

AKITA - NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON's DOG MAY HAVE WITNESSED HER MURDER - IF ONLY DOGS COULD SPEAK

from WP images

 

Nicole Brown Simpson's Akita dog, named KATO, like Kato Kaelin,

lead strangers to her body.

 

WANT TO SEE NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON'S DIARY THAT RECORDED THE BEATINGS SHE GOT FROM O.J? TEE BYLO'S BLOG DEDICATEDTO THE SLAIN NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON

BROWNSIMPSON WORDPRESS - A BLOG DEVOTED TO NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON loaded with information, quotations, pictures, opinions... and this related site RECOLLECTING NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON BLOGSPOT

 

Go to the link above to get to this blog dedicated to NICOLE for the readable size (which is attributed to the NATIONAL ENQUIRER and a lot of other photos and links to multiple social media sites.

 

An EXCERPT:

 

"Nicole recorded several violent beatings in her haunting diary – and these chilling entries cover the years from 1978 until the couple’s divorce in 1992. Dominique called the tragic log the “hit list.”

 

“I didn’t know about any of these beatings when they were going on,” an outraged Dominique told The ENQUIRER.

 

“Unfortunately, I didn’t find out about them until after her death. Since then, people who were friends with O.J. and Nicole have told me all about the hellish abuse she endured at the hands of O.J.”

 

note: Dominique was a younger sister of Nicole Brown

 

 

***

Missy here!

 

We all know that batterers and the battered can be in denial, or keep the facts from their friends and families.  Throughout the whole O.J. Simpson trial, I kept thinking, "Why didn't the friends and family of Nicole's do more to get them help, or to get her away from him, how could they let this go on?"

 

I do know some reasons why.  Here is my list.

 

1) They were not true friends to Nicole.

 

2) They were not true friends to O.J.

 

3) They were friends of O.J.s and not Nicole's, because his fame and money benefitted them more.

 

4) They were ignorant about battering and abuse in general or hoped or thought it wasn't as bad as she said.

 

5) They themselves had the experience of being in bad relationships or situations in which abuse occurred and they too took it or gave it out.

 

6) They believed you should stay out of other people's relationships as a policy, even when there is evidence of abuse.  The, "Who really knows what happens between two people," philosophy.

 

7) They feared that if they took a side, they would loose both friendships.  (Having talked to someone who worked at a Domestic Abuse Hotline, apparently this does happen.  An abused person and/or their abuser can turn on the person who helped them.)

 

P.S.  From my own research notes. Nicole was O.J. Simpson's mistress before she was his wife.  He was still married when they met, she was a 17? - 19 year old waitress who was brought into his lifestyle and he an older married and rich man.  She was divorced from him and supported by him before she started thinking about some way to make money, to invest in a franchise like Starbuck for instance, or to be an Interior Designer.

 

C  2015 Missy Rapport - Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot - All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.

 

COTTAGE FLOWERS

NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON - MISTRESS OF O.J. - WIFE OF O.J. and MOST FAMOUS UNSOLVED MURDER VICTIM

NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON - MISTRESS OF THE MONTH

Image from Google Images/ Pinterest

This month I'm doing something that I've never done in the years since I began researching and writing MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT.  The O.J. Simpson connection moves us from last month's topic PATRICIA SIKORA, the mistress of O.J. Simpson trial lawyer, JOHNNIE COCHRAN, with this month's, NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON, the victim of a yet unsolved murder, and the ex-wife of famous football athlete, Orenthal James Simpson. 

O.J. Simpson is the only person who has ever been on trial for the June 12,1994 murders of Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman. The trial held international interest for about a year, was televised live, and left many wondering about our criminal justice system. Even Princess Diana watched the show.  In 1995 O.J. was acquitted and freed.  The part of the trial that most people remember is when he tried on a leather glove said to be that of the murderer, and lawyer Johnnie Cochran chanted "If it does not fit, you must acquit." Simpson is currently in prison for charges not related to that murder and makes the cover of the National Enquirer often for having a rough time in prison. 

NICOLE BROWN was his mistress, then his second wife.  They met in 1977 and O. J. divorced his first wife Marguerite L. Whitley, the mother of his first three children, in March 1979.  But O.J., who'd been seeing Nicole for a couple years at that point, didn't marry her.  He waited until February 2, 1985, having retired from football and, by various reports, was still playing the field.  So from Nicole's perspective, she had been O.J.'s for about eight years at that point, and a possible motivation for marrying her may have been her pregnancy with her first child.  (That or she got pregnant honeymooning.)

During the trial and in my reading, there is little to no focus on the facts that their relationship began in adultery or went on for years without marriage. 

I think that is because O.J. did divorce, perhaps wanting a divorce before he met Nicole, and he did marry her.  Seems to me that when a mistress does marry her man and is accepted as his legal wife, she is forgiven for that mistress time.

When O.J. Simpson met the pretty, young blonde waitress, NICOLE BROWN, born in 1959 and 12 years younger than he, she was 20, some say 19.  (One account I read on the net had her age 17.) She worked at the Daisy restaurant where she waited on his table.

During these years before their marriage,  Nicole qualified as a "mistress" for the traditional reasons.  She got involved with an older, rich by comparison, married man who already had children. He was a man who could make her life so much more interesting and comfortable than her earnings as a waitress ever would and he brought her into his world.   Many of his friends were in the know about this and his other relationships, if only due to the bragging rights.  You could say he "molded" her.

He was the one in control of the relationship and her, a problem for their marriage when she grew tired of doing things his way so much and you could say had done some growing up and realized she wasn't the perfect fit for that mold.  Though Nicole eventually did earn some money when O.J. paid her to decorate and encouraged their friends to do so, she had come to live her life in fortunate financial circumstances and had become accustom to that.  She didn't really need to work or concern herself with getting an education.  According to Kato Kaelin and Marc Eliot, whose book "The Whole Truth," I reviewed last month, and in agreement with what her friend Faye Resnick said, Nicole did have some ideas about buying a franchise coffee house or going into a small business to earn income and give her something more to do, but well...

Nicole and many of her girlfriends were ladies who did lunch.  Or ladies who went out dancing in the evening. Or ladies who worried most about their looks and body,  their physical attraction and desirability, who sometimes preserved it with cosmetic surgery, such as the breast implants that both Nicole and Kris Kardashian got.  Their motivation was to keep busy and keep fit, to be there for a man, not to set the world on fire.  (Kris Kardashian Jenner is exceptional now, but she became a business woman after years of being primarily a wife and mother.)  Nicole had children but when the children were in school she was not stressed by the need to support herself.  Kato thought she had too much time on her hands.

In all I've read about Nicole, including in the book by Paula Barbieri that I reviewed last month, mixed with my own sense of her, I  think that Nicole was a confused person, a torn person, and one who was just as addicted to the volatile and on and off again relationship she had with O.J. as he was to her. This is not to say that she ever "deserved" to be abused physically or verbally, or to be killed by anyone, but what so many of us have wondered is, "WHY DIDN'T SHE LEAVE?"

Why did Nicole Brown Simpson take pictures of her battered face and put them in a bank box and then keep so silent about the abuse to her family and friends? Was it an old fashioned sense that in doing so she was keeping her family together with a father in the house for their children? Was it the years she had devoted to O.J. already? Was it the lifestyle that included many high-profile friends and vacation travel?

I suspect that Nicole, in her mistress time, wanted to achieve the goal of being a wife, that she was traditional in her values and going against herself as she was in waiting. I'm not judging her or anyone for not having career ambitions, it's just that women who don't work at something for pay are so rare these days.

In Barbara Cochran's book about her marriage and life as the wife of Simpson trial lawyer Johnnie Cochran,  "Life after Johnnie Cochran: Why I Left the Sweetest-Talking, Most Successful Black Lawyer in LA", also reviewed last month, there was a lot about her husband Johnny's desire and need to present himself a certain way to the conservative black community.  But Barbara and Johnnie met at college and she had a college education and a career as a teacher before becoming a mother.  Nicole spent her twenties as a mistress and didn't get any education.  That made it more difficult to leave an addictive off and on again relationship.

This too qualifies her as a traditional (Classic) mistress; Someone who quits working or is taken out of the job market (or school) to be free to be there for her man, free to travel as a companion, and unmarried to that man.  And when he travels for business or pleasure without her, she waits for his return. 

If you get to this page first, I encourage you to read last month's posts, which will help you see a fuller picture and the links between the people whose books I've reviewed.

Missy


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Missy Rapport / Mistress Manifesto Blogspot

This post was slightly edited April 2021

X-RAY SKULL

SENIOR LOVE : IS THERE SOME WAY SHE CAN MAKE HIM MARRY HER? QUESTION FOR MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Hi Missy, 

I started seeing Lloyd several months after his wife of many years died.  Their children are grown and have families of their own.  They seem to think that I'm OK as a "companion" to Lloyd because he is older and I'm older, a couple years older than their mom was.  That's their concept.  That older people are just "companions," to go places together on senior citizen trips.  There are no objections to me that I know of.  They don't want dad to be lonely.

Now a couple years have gone by and we're comfortable.  We're sexual which his kids don't know but mine do because we get together at my house and I tell them not to come over.  What I'm not feeling comfortable with is that this relationship is not going towards marriage and I want to be married.  Lloyd knows this.  He says, "Some day it will probably happen."  How do I get Lloyd to move forward and make a real commitment like a wedding date?  He's a grieving widow.

Joan
Woodland Hills


ANSWER FROM MISSY

Dear Senior Citizen Joan,

I think all of us women know that there are very many more of us available as the years go by then there are men to go around.  I had a senior neighbor, a man who was half blind with thick glasses, a sloppy eater, and told the same bad jokes repeatedly, and he still had five women after him.

Senior women seem to be in abundance and most seem to have accepted that they will continue on as single or divorced or widowed.  Therefore, the competition is actually not as fierce as some think because so many women are themselves simply not interested in another marriage or have given up. I hate to say it, some feel grateful that they have a man who is a "companion." 

But Joan, to yourself you must be true. 

You use the term "comfortable," and I think that's just it.  Lloyd is comfortable just as things are and his comment gives me the impression part of his comfort is that he doesn't feel you are too pushy.  You could psyche this out that if you are "too pushy" you will loose him. but standing up for yourself and your beliefs is not pushy at all but what you have to do to be authentic. 

Then again this man had a long marriage with children, his life was settled, he probably has some wonderful characteristics, but he is a widower and was grieving his loss when you started dating him so OK, a couple years is enough time put in for you as a loving and patient woman who wants to be a married woman or for Lloyd to decide he has to make it as a single man.

What I'm going to suggest, but you must be firm in your desire to marry or leave him before you try this, is Don't Push Lloyd. 

When I got my dog,  I soon realized she was all muscle though a small creature. I was shocked that she could pull me down the street in her attempt to chase squirrels (which remains her passion) when she weighed ten times less than me.  One time she even broke her leash going after them.  There she was galloping in a field while I stood there in awe of both her speed and glee and how fast she got away from me.  Luckily she stopped at a tree where I caught her.  Then I read in one of the many dog training books that if a dog races away from you, hopefully not into deadly traffic, you shouldn't chase after them if they don't heed your call, but turn around and walk away.  Not that people are dogs, but you know, I tried it, and sure enough, it was like she had eyes in the back of her head.  When she knew I had given up and was heading home without her, she quickly turned around and followed me back.  Which means that she thought of my chasing her as part of her game.

So, Joan, it is time for you to tell Lloyd.  "I love you but I feel the need to be married."  (Do not officially break up with him or even say anything like "We should both see other people.")  Keep it that simple.  Tell him about when you also announce that you are going on a trip and don't know when you'll be back.  (He'll know you need time to think but also that you just need to get away ON YOUR OWN and have a good time.)

Joan, go on a trip for at least a month or more. Don't let him drive you to the airport or see him locally once you've said these two things and start packing.  No long good byes or promises to see each other when you return.  Just don't go on a cruise where everyone knows there are way more women than men.  Go to Europe to see the sights or to see your sister in Florida who has a boat or anywhere you can afford to go where there will be an adventure and where you'll be meeting people and go without giving him any way to contact you since after all you "don't know where" you will be (or with whom).  Don't even make any promises that you will call from the road or send any "thinking of you" postcards.  Don't e-mail or text from your other location. In fact, it would nice if you could leave your cell at home.  Tell your children not to inform him of your whereabouts if he calls them to find out where you are or when you'll be back.  All they do is "pass on the message when we hear from her." Make sure that no one is going to use your absence to "level with" or otherwise inform Lloyd of what you're up to. Be mysterious and vague.  Be open to a good time.

Lloyd will realize that you have created your own diversion and that you are rethinking the relationship.  Lloyd needs to think about what life will be like without you, when he can't call you at night to touch base, when he can't be sure he will have company to go along with him here there and everywhere.  Lloyd needs to know that you can find other companions elsewhere.  Without you saying it.  So just go.  Let him think his thoughts. If he finds another himself, let him.

Hopefully by the time you return, if you still want to marry Lloyd, he will have thought about it and have a proposal for you.  Whatever he says, don't consider it such if he does not want to set a date so that you can make a plan and have your Senior Dream Wedding.  If he doesn't soon after you return, well, you have already given both of you some distance.  But if you get back and he wants to continue as you had been before and loneliness or love consumes you, just know that the moment you go back to going out with Lloyd as you have been, the cause for marriage will have been lost.  And yes, very likely some other woman will soon be after Lloyd, making his widowhood easier on him.

I wish you the best, Joan.

Missy

SIMPLE BLACK MASK

PAULA BARBIERI - O.J. SIMPSON'S OTHER WOMAN? OR ONE OF MANY?

THE OTHER WOMAN

My Years with O.J. Simpson

A Story of Love, Trust, and Betrayal

by Paula Barbieri

 

If you're interested in the O.J. Simpson Trial, the relationship he had with his ex-wife Nicole Brown, and his long relationship with Paula,  which went on throughout the infamous trial for the murder of Nicole, you might want to read this one. 

 

It's interesting, intimate, and honest,  and it does recall a vibrant relationship - until it wasn't - but I've got an issue with it.  The title is all wrong.  There is no reason to think of Paula as THE OTHER WOMAN, she doesn't make any case for that really, and Paula WAS NEVER O.J. SIMPSON's Mistress.  I was actually hoping that by reading this book, because of the title, that I would find out she was, but she doesn't fit any of the criteria I find important in defining Mistress.

What first made me think she had been O.J's mistress was a sentence in the book titled

KATO KAELIN - THE WHOLE TRUTH - The Real Story by Mark Eliot,  in which author Elliot writes on page 60 that OJ was "busy rotating a steady cast of young, willing, sometimes married, mostly single women, including one aspiring actress named Paula Barbieri, who held out serious hope that one day she might become the third Mrs. Simpson."  And then, on page 70, he states that according to Kato Kaelin, O.J. had steady liaisons with one or two Raiderettes (Los Angles Raider cheerleaders), "some who came by regularly," after all he wasn't married, and that he had bought Paula a "nifty little high-rise apartment on fancy Wilshire Boulevard."

Except that O.J. did not. Paula's career as a model kept her traveling and independent and self supporting.  In Paula's book she says she herself, from her earnings as a model, bought herself a house in Florida, as well as that condo.  She was making six figures as her career peaked.  Sadly, because, though she had decided to end their relationship and had left him a message on his answering machine stating so, a message he may have gotten the same evening Nicole was murdered, she also decided to stick with him for the duration of his trial for murder.  She was in Vegas modeling in a music video when the murders occurred. 

 

When Paula started with O.J., she was divorced, she'd had long term affairs that had not worked out, and he was on his way to divorce.  O.J.'s divorce was finalized while he and Paula were together.  The only hitch that temporarily qualified her for Other Woman Status?.  Nicole and O.J., who were clearly, to me, addicted to each other, probably because of the chaos and on and off again nature of their volatile relationship, gave it another try after their official divorce.  And Paula may have been the only one who wasn't sleeping around too!

 

Sadly, for all her loyalty and sacrifice, according to the Elliot book, O.J. admitted that he did not love her and would never marry her.

The real story here is how his incarceration and trial sucked her back in to being his girlfriend,  possible something he and his lawyers wanted to give him the image that he had so moved on from Nicole.  He had in Paula, someone he could talk to from prison each morning and night, and someone who would support him.  But all that loyalty destroyed her  health (temporarily) and career (permanently).  She was who lost everything, including her house in Florida and condo in Los Angeles too.  Bookers were afraid, they said, that when someone saw her picture, they wouldn't be thinking about the clothes she was modeling.  I wasn't familiar with her great success until I read this book, thinking unfairly that she was, like Kato Kaelin, a poor person.

 

Paula turned to Christianity to fulfill her, when, once O.J, was released and able to be a boyfriend again, she realized it really had been all over long ago.

 

***

PS:  LAST MONTH NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON was our Mistress of the Month.  Scroll through this blog to find the posts about her!

To read about a Mantress who there's a Hollywood murder-mystery surrounding, check out my posts about Superman!

C 2015 Missy Rapport/ Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights