Saturday, April 30, 2016

Thursday, April 28, 2016

SHE'S HIS WIFE - CAN SHE RETRIEVE HIM FROM THE MISTRESS SHE SELECTED FOR HIM? : ADVICE FROM MISSY

Dear Missy,

I'm a wife whose husband, who I'll call John, has a mistress.  I did a Yoko Ono a few years ago and encouraged him towards a particular woman, Stephanie, I liked.  He moved out into an apartment and she moved in with him, which I wasn't expecting. 

We've never talked about getting a divorce.  I didn't want an Open Relationship, I just thought that having an adventure might be what he needed for his life, and I expected him to come back to me.  I was real generous, right?  I needed my space too and have enjoyed it, but now I'm feeling lonely.  I think I have a better perspective on our relationship and can improve on it.  Now that this situation as gone on like this for a year and a half, I'm starting to regret it.  Stephanie's content or at least isn't pressuring him to divorce, at least that's what he says, but I want him back.  I also don't want to beg.  I'm miserable.  What have I done?  What should I do?

Jessica
New York City


Jessica,

Well, at least you own your role in creating this situation, which is an Open Relationship of sorts, and which was once satisfactory but now has you so worried.  At least you and the Other Woman, of your own selection for him, know about each other.  My sense is that you felt in control at the time but now realize you really are not. 

If you want him back you should not hesitate now to say so as a first step in doing so.

You must talk with him openly and honestly, but that doesn't mean you are going to go into the conversation unprepared or go on and on, detailing.  In fact you are going to script it and practice in the mirror before you meet. The most difficult thing to do is to keep it short and sweet, state your case, don't overrun your time together, and basically just put an option on the table and then see if he goes with it. 

You have the advantage since you are not going to warn him that the reason you're going out for dinner together is to discuss your relationship.  He may be stunned or it might force him to realize that he does want a divorce.  Oh my. 

It's time to go out to dinner or lunch - a neutral space - to have a conversation.  So don't ask him to come home and make him dinner.  Provide your own transportation going and coming. Pick a place where the waiters don't hover and they don't kick you out the moment you've finished your meal, preferably with intimate, low lighting and booths, or maybe one of those outdoor patios, no loud music but maybe some background, and preferably where no one you know might see you and want to listen in and then gossip.  Pick a place that serves drinks; One before the conversation, unless either of you are prone to overdo it and shouldn't imbibe.  Plan on being there no more than an hour and a half.   Set up your scenario while appearing effortless. 

Order one drink, wait until the food is served, have a few bites, and then look him in the eye and tell him the truth.   These are the lines that you practice in the mirror.  Something like, "John, I have something to say that may surprise you.  Being somewhat separated as we are has given me time to reflect on our marriage and I've surprised myself.  Without getting too much into it right now, the fact is I fear that you are more involved with Stephanie that I could have ever imagined when I urged you towards her.  The fact is I want you back, and to be only mine. Will you think about it, dear?"

At this point your heart will probably be pounding, but so what, love is like that, so long as you're not crying and running your mascara!

Let him talk.  If he changes the subject, don't bring it back up. Don't use this dinner to get into the entire conversation or sort it all out.  Some other time. Don't end the date with your own husband asking for an answer in a certain time limit.

Wait a month before you bring it up again, if he doesn't.  Then tell him you were just wondering if he's given it any thought.  One of the things he's going to think about is if he should also discuss this all with Stephanie and my feeling is that they are living together and of course he should.  Also, if he does decide to rejoin you in traditional marriage, Stephanie should not be cruelly abandoned. (The way John Lennon did May Pang, the mistress of the month here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO, in April of 2012.)  Stephanie probably knows that you urged him towards her and now she has invested some of her life into John and may love him.  He may also love her.  Or both of you.

If you have money, and she does not, it would be honorable to provide her the means to move into another apartment so that she's not stuck in one with memories and if she is not working, several months of living expenses - a year would be better - while she job hunts - should be provided.  If Stephanie agrees to leave the relationship, she may still have feelings for John.  Be a Great Babe and do your best to help her move forward without being overly invasive.  Can you give her some references to good employment?  Know any good men you could introduce her too?

I know of a couple that divorced and both of them remarried within the year. To their best friends!  And they are all still warm and affectionate with each other and even go out to dinner the four of them from time to time.

Missy

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

HOW LONG DID YOU MISTRESS BEFORE MARRYING YOUR MAN? : MISSY ASKS QUESTIONS

I was wondering if any of you who are reading this blog have been a mistress who married her man.  If so, please leave a comment and tell us HOW LONG DID YOU WAIT TO MARRY?  Was he married when you met?  Did he divorce to marry you?

Thursday, April 21, 2016

WHAT'S SO GOOD FOR CHARLES ABOUT CAMILLA? (ESPECIALLY COMPARED TO DIANA)

NOTES and EXCERPTS from Catherine Meyers' book BORN TO BE KING

In this book we learn it was mutual friend Lucia Santa Cruz who, in 1971, introduced Charles and Camilla with the jest "Now you two watch your genes because of Alice Keppel."  The genes comment is because its possible they are distant cousins. 

page 97

"Only Camilla has ever been able to be herself fully around the Prince because she has nothing to hide from him. Robust and cheerful, she entered the relationship free from neurosis and, ironically, from any expectation of being Queen"

page 98

"With Camilla, the Prince would eventually develop his first - and arguably, only truly adult relationship, combining love and passion, respect and equality, plus a sense of humor that often leaves both of them guffawing and weeping.  Camilla is "Rude and raunchy" says actress Emma Thompson, approvingly.

Actress Emma Thompson provided information to the author of this book and is considered a personal friend of Prince Charles.

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

A GREATER LOVE by CHRISTOPHER WILSON : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles
 
The subtitle "20 year affair" makes this book seem hopelessly dated. 
The author, for instance, doubted that there would ever be a divorce. Christopher Wilson published A GREATER LOVE in 1994,  when Princess Diana was still alive.
 
But the perfect title for what I was looking for in a book about Camilla and Charles drew me to read it anyway.
 
This is the portrayal of Camilla, that helped answer for me "What did he see in her?" especially when the competition, so to speak, was the famous, extremely popular, Diana, Princess of Wales.
 
In this book we learn that Camilla was educated at Bumbrells and then transferred to London, to the Queens Gate school in South Kensington which "provides the wives for half the Foreign Office" and was known as "Milla."  She wasn't an academic, no more so than Princess Diana.  Both women would be considered high school drop outs in America, but she excelled in fencing and horseback riding.  In the summer of 1964 she left school and traveled to Switzerland and Paris to be "finished" with school, and made her debute to society in March 1965 when her parents had a cocktail party for her in Knightsbridge.   She was seventeen years old.
 
When exactly did Charles and Camilla begin their mutual adultery?
Some say it was in early 1980.  Camilla's husband's work took him out of the country and there was an encounter that Wilson's says is true that made the papers.  At the Circencester Polo Ball, they sat at the same table, and spent the whole evening dancing with each other and French Kissing.  Andrew Parker-Bowles was there to see this display of who-cares-who-sees-us affection.  He was said to have remarked "HRH is very fond of my wife and she appears to be very fond of him," but was actually quite shocked.  When the cat's away the mice will play...
 
No doubt Camilla was in on the process of Charles finding a suitable royal wife, and may have earnestly tried to advise Diana on how to handle Charles, but after some time it was Camilla who was the official hostess of social occasions.
 
Once the "Open Secret" of Charles and Camilla's relationship was understood, according to Wilson, both the Queen and the Queen Mother knew about it.  Diana's notion that there were three people in her marriage was correct but the idea that she was completely innocent of what she was getting into is controversial.  In this book we learn that Diana's mother was against the marriage, that her grandmother warned her against marrying into the royal family, that her family, after a report of a blond spending the night with Charles on a train, put Diana's virginity into question, felt the need to speak out to defend her, and that Charles had dated Diana's sister, who also had bulimia.
 
C Book Review/Report 2016 Missy Rapport/ Mistressmanifesto.blogspot  All Rights reserved.
 

Saturday, April 9, 2016

APRIL 9th 2005 THE WEDDING of CAMILLA SHAND and PRINCE CHARLES - THEY WAITED 33 YEARS FOR THIS!

A second marriage for the both of them.  Prince Charles married Princess Diana in 1981.  She died in 1997.  No doubt the opinions of a great many important and influential people, and that of the general public, were taken into account when it came to exactly when the two lovers would be allowed to marry.




The Civil Ceremony - where Charles and Camilla exchanged rings in private.

The announcer says "They waited 33 years for this."  Followed by a Blessing Ceremony at
Saint George's castle.


Charles' mother Queen Elizabeth II, and his father, Prince Phillip did attend, as did his son's Princes William and Henry (Harry).  Camilla's family also attended.

One wonders how it was all planned to be both meaningful and wonderful for the couple, and sensitive to others.


Wednesday, April 6, 2016

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES : Discretion

We can take some inspiration from Camilla - Duchess of Cornwall, in that she is thought of as a truly nice person, who never has an unkind word about anyone, which is what also has been said about Bettina, the supermodel who was the mistress of Ali Khan, who has also been a Mistress of the Month here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO.

Have you ever thought about how minding what you say about others is a part of discretion?

How many times have you repeated something about someone that turned out to not only be untrue, but hurt them not only personally, but in their relationships and their career? Gossips often have few interests other than spreading information about others to enhance their own low stature.

Please don't!


"Part of my discretion, is being careful what I say about others."

Saturday, April 2, 2016

CAMILLA DUCHESS OF CORNWALL - THE MOST FAMOUS MISTRESS OF THE LAST HALF CENTURY - SHE GOT HER PRINCE! WILL SHE BECOME QUEEN SOMEDAY?

CAMILLA SHAND
CAMILLA PARKER-BOWLES
CAMILLA, DUCHESS OF CORNWALL
FUTURE PRINCESS CONSORT TO KING CHARLES or QUEEN ?
This picture appears on
Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall Wikipedia
Born 17 July 1947
Married Andrew Parker Bowles 1973-1995
Married Prince Charles 2005
This down to earth country girl, once a debutant in London with a small inheritance just north of a million, was thought of as very pretty and much fun, but never an outstanding beauty.  Camilla was involved with Andrew Parker-Bowles, the man she eventually married and had children with, for seven years before she did, and intended to stick with it, but there were problems.  First her husband had affairs.  Second, she and Prince Charles became as close as two people can come on this earth to being soul mates. In fact, she was probably his first real love.  They ran in the same circles. Andrew once had a hot romance with Charles' sister, Princess Ann, and Charles stood as godfather to her son. But, you may know the story: Charles went into military service, and when they did date, before marriages, he seemed an impossibility - after all she was considered a commoner.  Then he became desperately so unhappy (too) in his arranged marriage to the incompatible Princes Diana, Charles and Camilla resumed an affair that had been on pause for some time.
When Camilla married Prince Charles in 2005, 11 years ago this month, it was a well earned marriage.  Her down to earth personality, affectionate nature, solid family upbringing, and good motherhood, cannot be doubted.  But the tabloids, and many authors, had their way with her for years, even inventing stories that she'd been pelted with bread rolls outside a grocer by Haters who preferred Princess Diana.
Charles, who will be King, no doubt so long as he outlives his mother the Queen and there is still such a thing as a Kingship, someday, was often introduced to women by those around him thought might be of interest as lovers and as potential brides. Camilla won out over all of them because she's a compatible lover, has an aggressive sporting style when riding to the hounds that he appreciates, is loyal, faithful, and reliable - and very very good for him.  Both of them would much rather be sporting in the country and dressed down, so maybe she isn't seen as "Queenly," but here is a man who works so much she considers him a "workaholic."  He has long been spot-on about nature and the environment at a time when the world, Britain in particular, has suffered changes in weather patterns, an organic farmer, a major landowner, and  behind significant impactful charities. He needed such a woman to be his companion.
And that story, often repeated, that she approached Charles and offered to be his Mistress, like her ancestor Alice Keppel once had been for King Edward VII was a lot of hooey.

Back in May 2010, I elected Camilla Parker-Bowles as Mistress of the Month.  Six years later, for the first time since I began this blog, I'm electing her MISTRESS OF THE MONTH again.  That's because the woman born simply as Camilla Shand** is the most famous Once-Upon-A-Time Mistress now.  I feel this intriguing woman, who has certainly taken a lot of criticism and had a very long wait between her divorce and remarriage, is due more coverage and an update.  Her enduring love affair with PRINCE CHARLES has resulted in enduring marriage, and some day she will be Princess Consort, if not Queen.

And Charles, in my very American opinion, is overdue to be King.  None of us wants to wake up to a morning radio program that announces that Queen Elizabeth II has passed away, and the Queen has wisely been, as she slows down into her old age, incorporating Charles, and he, his sons Princes William and "Harry," into the charity work and the business of being Royal for some time.  But Queen Elizabeth II, a tremendously dynamic historical figure, and one of the world's wealthiest, should take a hint from Pope Benedict, realize there is no shame in admitting that it's all getting to be too much, and allow Charles his long awaited Kingship, while he is as vital as he is.


Author Catherine Mayer also has a book called
Charles - Heart of a King
which has come out in Great Britain

 This book is a primary reference for this month's posts

 
Shall we get on with it?  Read this months posts for more information about Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, from this book and an older one:

 
from Google Images



Missy

**Camilla Shand had not been given a middle name at birth.  She added Rosemary, which was her great- grand mother Alice Keppel's, a mistress of King Edward VII,  as a middle name, later in her life.)

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