QUESTION FOR MISSY
I'm 25 and working as a model. I have aspirations to be in film. I live a bi-coastal life. I make enough money to afford an apartment in New York (with a room mate) and another in Los Angeles (without a room mate). I travel to model, mostly in the United States.
In New York I have a Sugar Daddy who has been wonderful to me for the last five years. I care for him deeply. He is unmarried, but he is much older than me.
However, there is another man in Los Angeles who is probably more appropriate for me. I mean he's closer to my age and we have more in common and are very very attracted to each other. He's in film. He's married and has made it clear to me that he has no plans to leave his wife and two young children. I'm not in either city that much. I don't want to marry anyone right now.
What do you think about me having two Sugar Daddy's, one in each coast?
Kelly from Chicago
ANSWER FROM MISSY
Dear Kelly from Chicago,
You mean keep them both?
Certainly men have kept more than one woman in their lives at a time.
Consider. First, how good are you at keeping two relationships that have limits going? You might try it and find yourself unfocused and confused or loose them both. You might be very good at it since as is you are in and out of town and able to be independent. It's not for everyone.
Second, what does each man expect of you when it comes to spending time together and your availability? How often is Sugar Daddy in New York used to seeing you?
A Sugar Daddy may be in love with you, or be the Sugar Daddy to a number of models.
If there is little to no time to spend, then you may not actually be developing a relationship with the person. Your New York Sugar Daddy may be very sure of you in his life and may not be as philosophical about you being young and ambitious and on the verge of leaving him. Are you afraid to break his heart? To loose the benefits he gives you? I bet you don't want to hurt him, when he has been so kind and generous to you.
Models and actresses meet more men than most women and can often have their pick. So don't feel like you have to pick right now, or settle. Check in with your feelings. Admit what you want to yourself. Are you trying to have everything (and everyone) your way? Are you ready to say goodbye to Sugar Daddy in New York for good? And if you do, and the relationship with Mr. Film in Los Angeles ends, then what?
I think you will be meeting more men who are attractive and more men who are willing to mentor you or be your patron and help you move towards greater success. You can't get lazy about it though. You still have to show up for auditions and assignments and, if you get movie roles, you'll have to be gone for days or weeks at a time on set. You can't put your career on hold and be totally available to any man at this point and that is probably very attractive to them. At the same time you probably haven't spent as much time with Mr. Film in Los Angeles and are guessing at the potential of the relationship.
Like you I'm speculating.
At the heart of my advice is, always be truthful with yourself, in touch with what you're feeling and thinking.
Dear Kelly from Chicago,
You mean keep them both?
Certainly men have kept more than one woman in their lives at a time.
Consider. First, how good are you at keeping two relationships that have limits going? You might try it and find yourself unfocused and confused or loose them both. You might be very good at it since as is you are in and out of town and able to be independent. It's not for everyone.
Second, what does each man expect of you when it comes to spending time together and your availability? How often is Sugar Daddy in New York used to seeing you?
A Sugar Daddy may be in love with you, or be the Sugar Daddy to a number of models.
If there is little to no time to spend, then you may not actually be developing a relationship with the person. Your New York Sugar Daddy may be very sure of you in his life and may not be as philosophical about you being young and ambitious and on the verge of leaving him. Are you afraid to break his heart? To loose the benefits he gives you? I bet you don't want to hurt him, when he has been so kind and generous to you.
Models and actresses meet more men than most women and can often have their pick. So don't feel like you have to pick right now, or settle. Check in with your feelings. Admit what you want to yourself. Are you trying to have everything (and everyone) your way? Are you ready to say goodbye to Sugar Daddy in New York for good? And if you do, and the relationship with Mr. Film in Los Angeles ends, then what?
I think you will be meeting more men who are attractive and more men who are willing to mentor you or be your patron and help you move towards greater success. You can't get lazy about it though. You still have to show up for auditions and assignments and, if you get movie roles, you'll have to be gone for days or weeks at a time on set. You can't put your career on hold and be totally available to any man at this point and that is probably very attractive to them. At the same time you probably haven't spent as much time with Mr. Film in Los Angeles and are guessing at the potential of the relationship.
Like you I'm speculating.
At the heart of my advice is, always be truthful with yourself, in touch with what you're feeling and thinking.
Missy
2 comments:
Good advice. Most women are taught that the best way to keep a man fascinated is to make him jealous by using or flirting with other men. This could actually be detrimental if not done carefully. I find that many men are more intrigued by the emotional challenge - or in other words 'having a life'. Doing so will also assist in maintaining your mystery.
By the way, Missy, I spent the last two days studying your entire blog. Thank you for the wealth of resources. I have you bookmarked. I found the Lillian Ross book at my library and plan to check it out asap. It seems the lifestyle she had with Mr. Shawn seems to me most ideal.
Your Welcome! I do my best! I think the best advise for any Western woman - especially young women - in today's world is to always keep something for yourself - like your career. Very few women are actually kept for years! Missy
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