Tuesday, April 30, 2013



News is that the Ashley Madison site has been hacked.

MISTRESS MANIFESTO IS NOT AFFILIATED with the ASHLEY MADISON web site or any other web site that offers to match-make people for sex, love, marriage or mistressing, that provide social connections or dating. 

We are aware that the ASHLEY MADISON site is coming up in searches for MISTRESS MANIFESTO, however we cannot give you any recommendations or referrals to it or any other site.  We can't make any recommendations or referrals because we haven't tried the site(s) ourselves. 

We are concerned because of rumors that certain sites that provide match making services are fronts for prostitution or other illegal activities.  We ask you to be cautious.

As with any Internet match-making, social connection, or dating site, always be careful of your safety and privacy!  Be sure you and any other person you meet on a match-making, social connection, or dating web site are on the same page when it comes to what you want in a relationship.  You should meet a stranger (and that's what a person is until you get to know them over time) in a public place, say for coffee or lunch, the first time you meet them.  You should not invite a person to your place or go to their place until you know you can trust them.  When you meet people in the world you are sometimes connected to them by mutual acquaintances - your  host at a party for example.  This is most often NOT the case when you meet someone on line.

Also, as someone who has had the (bad) experience of discovering that some man who is at best a new friend (or at worst on the sidelines of my life) has been having a fantasy relationship with me, be careful that you don't indulge in fantasy relationships with people, local or long distance; being out and about in your world is the best way to meet people in general. 

Men, if you want a woman to be in your life as a romantic partner, the first step is to ask her out on a date.  If she says yes, and you have a good time and both feel a spark, this may lead to other dates in which you can get to know each other and eventually make some sort of commitment. 

Relationships take time because trust takes time.


Thursday, April 11, 2013


Dear Missy,

After seven years with Rex, four of them when he was still married, he has made it through his divorce and a respectable amount of time has passed.  His ex-wife has re-married.  She has moved on and isn't even angry with me anymore. 

His children, it's another story.  They HATE me.  They blame me for the break up of their parents' marriage even though Rex told them when they found out about me that I was not the cause of the problems between him and their mom. I thought for sure they would give this hatred up - and give me a chance - when their mom remarried.  They say they like their new step-father!  They still HATE me!

When I say HATE, I mean HATE.  First all five of them refused to speak to me.  Finally Allison did start to speak to me, but only by making snotty remarks that I refrained from responding to.  Truly, Missy, I've tried to be understanding and kind, but now I'm getting angry and Rex and I have started fighting.  The other day I heard myself say "Maybe we shouldn't get married."  I can't believe that came out of my mouth!

Should I give up after all these years? 


Dear Sandrine,

Not just yet.  What I would do is start making some phone calls to find out if there are any local MFCCs who would be willing to have all of you in therapy together in your area.  Seriously, a friend of mine went with her man and his wife and beleive this, they made a mutual decision to end all relationships but there was no hatred, no grudges.) Then I would invite each and every one of them to either enter counseling to resolve any issues or be at peace forever more.  Rex has to give you credit for trying to create family unity.  Finally, if he has asked you to marry him and you already said yes, then it is up to him to withdrawl the offer.  He too has put years into your relationship so why would he?  (So tell him tonight that you do still want to marry him and that what came out of your mouth came from the stress of the situation which you aim to resolve!)

Rex is probably upset and overwhelmed too.  Maybe a MFCC can mediate, or at least get to the Big Reason they hate you.  You don't say it, but is a lot of money involved?  (You may have to get a lawyer involved too!) Try for peace first before war. 


Wednesday, April 3, 2013



Born in London in about 1789 as Harriette Dubochet, at 15 she became the mistress of the Earl of Craven.  Today we are sure that a 15 year old teenager who is sexually involved with an adult man is being molested or raped.  In Regency England many women married that young.  There were no "teenagers," only children or adults. Some say she "allowed herself to be seduced."

Her father was a Swiss clock maker, a master craftsman. The sisters had ambitions.

Whatever their motivation, at least four of Harriett's five sisters became mistresses too and one of them married into the aristocracy. Her sisters were Fanny, Amy, who mistressed to the Duke of Lorne after Harriet had and who produced a son of the Duke of Argyle, and the youngest, Sophy or Sophia who at 13 became the mistress of Lord Deerhurst but at 17 and still young managed to join the peerage by marrying Lord Berwick.

Harriet wasn't in the closet as a mistress. Harriet retired as a mistress at the age of 35, but not until she had become an exceedingly popular mistress.  She was a leading female figure of the demimonde. She had her own box at the theatre.   She was seen around town on dates.  She lived in fashionable houses and had servants.  Once she fell deeply in love with Lord John Ponsonby but he left her for her sister Fanny.

After the Earl of Craven, she became the mistress of the Duke of Argyle, until he moved to Scotland.  She didn't want to leave her social life in London.  Then she became the mistress of the Duke of Wellington, who she stayed with until her retirement as a mistress.  It is not known if she retired out of boredom or even meant to retire.

She had not pressed for marriage.  She was unprepared however, to be left in poverty.  Harriett was said to start affairs by writing men letters.  Now she decided to write a tell all, a memoir, of her life as a mistress, to make some money.  It's been suggested that she was willing to take payment in order to not write it.  It's also said that she, like her sister Amy, died in poverty.

One of the famous quotes about Harriette Wilson comes from the Duke of Wellington who, when hearing of her writing said "Publish, and be damned!" 

While many other mistresses of the period are lost in memory, we know about Harriette because of her memoirs published in 1825!